I'm in my new room. There is a white wall opposite my desk. I am accompanied by the chirping of a bird on the sill of the window on my right back. I closed all my doors to the outside. I am now at my disposal against the slightest leak. I know and see mostly. People are like that. See, but don't let them understand what you see. Know, but let them not sense what you know. Everything is fine, don't worry. Everything is changing, transforming, altering. Whatever I write and say is useless. I'm looking for something to entertain my eyes. I shuffle the drawers on the left side of the table one by one. Apricots come out of the first drawer. My hands inevitably bring a juicy, fragrant, juicy apricot to my lips. After a bite, it slips through my hands, rolling with a full sound, and its journey ends behind the door.
When I quickly open the second drawer, some photos that shouldn't be here catch my eye. I meet a woman, a man, and a sullen-faced boy. I get the feeling that someone is watching me, and I hurry to collect the photos that shouldn't be there. They are scattered randomly in the slippery of my trembling hands. I take a deep breath and hastily stuff the photos on the floor in my pocket. It hurts when my head greets the table when I get up. Faint letters pour into the space between my lips.
Approaching the third drawer with fear and curiosity, my hand opens it as if unaware and finds a key in return. But just as I was about to get the key, the noise of the pink slippers of the fat woman coming down the corridor stopped me. He opens the door inadvertently. This time, his clothes are green from head to toe. With his green, polished, plump fingers, he straightens his small green hat and approaches my table with his lush lips again. My body stiffens against that green smile. And he gently pulls out the glowing key in the opening of the third drawer. I can't do anything. He cannot go after the fat woman and get the key, I cannot call out, I just look at my white wall in a dazed state.
Suddenly, the dream of the key floating through that whiteness brings me to myself. I get up in a hurry and look for the green woman in the empty hallway. I want to call, but my voice sticks in my throat. White doors are everywhere. I'm running, running, never stopping. I see a woman walking in front of me with calm steps, her back turning to me. The moment I put my hand on his shoulder, he turned and said:
"I find you silly".
"How can you be so beautiful and sad?" The question pours from my lips.
"Isn't it sad to be beautiful?"
He walks away without waiting for my answer.
Ahead, on the ground, I see a man whose body has turned into a fish. Coffee cup in hand, watching the horizon. In her ear, the red pearl earring dangling. I'm looking for the fat woman in green with helpless eyes. The more you search, the more unavailable the woman is. The moment I stop searching it ends right under my nose. I'm surprised, but I finally found it. This time, his clothes have turned orange. Including her hair. Swaying his hips left and right:
“Have you been looking for this? Is that why you followed me this far? " she says.
I stretch out my hand, I lose the key and the woman at the same time to leave it in my palms. In search of not getting lost in the whiteness, I take shelter in the photograph of the sullen-faced boy hanging out of my pocket. From that moment on, a trust fills me. I know because that sullen boy will show me the right way.
Formerly! The concept of time fading away, like everything that gets old. Changing things, forgotten, fading, greening maybe.
What's up? What's up? Initial sentences that follow the conversations that start with. Starting with the past and getting a little older even then ...
We had marbles of color, large and small, always the most beautiful one. We had nets, paper bags that went to the market. Whatever you take, get carried away. We had greetings both when entering and exiting every place. We had tea stoves and we had teas that did not hurt our stomachs even though they were carbonated. We had corners. The meeting point with the lover. We had escapes then from the edge of the same corner. We had water jugs, the bottom of which was covered with a thin bottom to prevent dust from entering. We had our phones returning full tour 4 times. We had dirty hands in a charcoal bucket. In the past, so that you would not fill the wood stove when it was your turn; “I have a lesson. The days when we slacked off saying "I will study for my lesson" ...
How beautiful it used to be ...
