November 29 2020 Sunday

I feel like I'm drowning. I can't explain this feelings I have right now. I have a very heavy heart that I want to cry my eyes out. I am sad. Really really sad. Even if I just went on 2 consecutive outing but I feel extremely sad.

I had some disagreement with a member of my family. My cousin who I am living with. I always call our house in San Jose our Home because that is where I grew up. But today, I just felt this feeling that that house that I grew up with is no longer my home. This is because my cousin who I had disagreement with is very indifferent to me.

It has been 2 weeks that we had that disagreements. On the first day, I was already talking to her because I really don't want to have quarrels with anyone. But I do not understand why she is like that. Her pride is just so high that she does not talk to me properly. What saddens me too is that Christmas is approaching and I was worried I have no home to spend my Christmas and New Year with because of this.

Another thing that makes my heart heavy is that my brother and his family is already planning of going back to Cebu after 5 years of staying here in Bicol. I was the one who booked a one way flight for them coming here to Bicol because they are not doing well in Cebu but now that they are all okay, they are planning to be back to Cebu. I am happy for them but it saddens me that another member of my family will be far away.

Maybe after I cry for a couple of minutes and after this article, I might feel different already. I might have a lighter feeling because I already wrote what I want to say. A quote came up to me then.

When you can't say what you wanted to say, write it.

I feel like writing this on read.cash is my safe haven of telling things I want to say without rejection and without judgment.