https://pixabay.com/es/photos/puente-golden-gate-san-francisco-388917/Preamble
It was 6:35 a.m. and it could be said that the last thoughts of a dying man, tears before his own death were distressing him, the fear of the unknown, of not knowing what he would feel when he hit the water, if he would survive or drown. Yet, in a way, he is overcome with joy at the fact that he will no longer suffer for the life he has led so far. It is putting an end to the debacle, to the disaster that surrounds him, it is the last breath...
Nicolás C, that's how dry he calls himself, that man with a broken face. A loving father, exemplary husband, excellent worker, member of the fire department with 15 years of service and currently in charge of the group of paramedics working in the command.
What happened to his life? We only know that little by little he was losing what he had built for many years. His wife left his side, even though it is believed that the loss of Luciana, the couple's daughter, may have been the trigger.
Sadly, the girl died of an illness, when we realized it was too late to act, it was difficult, leukemia killed her fragile body in a dizzying way. It is believed that this unbalanced the marriage, pushing us away from each other. Love was diminishing and alcohol consumed the weak man.
Tragedy embraced him for a long time, he lost his job, was suspended from his position and ended up living alone and daily immersed in alcohol. It is not uncommon for him to stumble upon the disorder that inhabits his home, he would wake up and Nicolas' face would rest on top of the vomit of the night, for these simple reasons, he decided to die.
https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/05/04/18/58/car-accident-337764_960_720.jpgTo know why I am crying and why I am about to complete my tragic happiness you have to turn back the hands of the clock....
Here I am, collapsed but determined, I swear in front of this horizon and in front of the smell of saltpeter that this time it will be the last. I can't go on, I don't want any more, it's enough with what I've lived until today.
At that moment our friend Nicolas hears the braking of a car and when he turns around, he sees a vehicle hit against one of the concrete bases of the fender.
--- I ran to the rescue although sadness was still invading me for not having achieved my goal. But, it is my vocation and my duty calls me. Nicolas thought.
As I get closer I notice that it is the body of a young woman of approximately 30 years of age, it is only a few minutes before dawn, people run to the rescue, desperation arrives and cries of lamentation are heard, the loudest comment is: She killed herself, she died!
And the simple fact of seeing the conditions in which the sports car was left was enough to assume the lamentable fact. Nicolas, desperate to save that life, began to break and push aside the glass of the window.
I felt when the sharp glass cut my skin, but I quickly realized that it was only the desperation to save the woman, so I regained my calm and continued without despairing.
I finally managed to get the young woman out of that wrecked car. I noticed that she was in shock, I touched her neck and she still had vital signs, her breathing was a little slow. Her face had hit the glass and she had lost a lot of blood. I managed to immobilize her, I applied first aid to try to bring her back to consciousness and noticing that her heart rate was dropping, I decided to rub her chest and give her cardio pulmonary resuscitation and when she coughed, a blood clot hit my face, but she came back to consciousness, I lifted my face and looking at the sky I said: --- I wanted to lose and I won, how strange is life sir!
The sun rises and my gaze, anchored in the sky, is lost among the clouds, the dawn is visible and help is seen arriving. The girl is carried in an ambulance and her hand does not want to let go of mine. That young woman was under the influence of alcohol, her voice was weak, she asked me not to leave her alone. She was taken to the nearest hospital and received emergency treatment. When the doctor came out, he asked if I was her husband; obviously, my answer was negative. I explained to him that I had just met her and knew nothing about her. He told me that I had to take some blood tests to rule out the possibility that I was infected. It turned out that the girl was a carrier of HIV. I could never believe my ears, especially because the woman looked so beautiful and healthy. I went to the office, got tested and decided to go talk to the girl.
Her name, as dry as mine, was Alicia S. When she saw me, she asked me to come in and, in tears, complained that I had not let her die. Her life was a disaster, she said. Her night life and wrong decisions did not give her the right to keep breathing. She smiled with irony and of the things in life. I look at the clock and notice the time, it is 3.00 in the afternoon. I ask him for a relative, in case he wanted to call someone and to warn of the accident, he asks me to check in his wallet, there was the number of a sister, he suggested that I take note and let him know. When I picked up the phone to call, I heard a man's voice on the other end, his name, according to what he told me, was Pablo. I told him what had happened and he told me to wait at the site, that he would tell his wife and she would surely come immediately.
When I arrived, the family extended their hand to me and thanked me for saving young Alicia's life, I took them to the room where she was still in pain and said goodbye. She, Alicia, asks me if she will be able to see me again and how she could contact me, I gave her the address of the fire department, to ask for the chief of the paramedics at the command and that was all. I took a napkin and a pen that was on the night table in the room and left a phone number where he could contact me. I say goodbye and leave somewhat depressed, the memories again bursting my mind, I wait for the bus and head home.
https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/09/07/16/53/couple-437968_1280.jpgThe answer to a double event
After having traveled several hours on the bus, I finally get home, turn on the TV and uncork a bottle of whiskey. I begin to recreate what happened, the young woman was going to be discharged that same day, luckily it was nothing serious, she could have lost her life in a matter of seconds, but without wanting to... she interrupted my plans and I interrupted hers. I continued drinking until I finished the bottle and fell asleep.
The next day, I was awakened by the thunderous noise of the TV. I was once again on the living room furniture. I decide to take a bath and then prepare something to eat. I open the fridge, uncork a beer to calm the hangover and the headache. The refreshing cold and the flow of the fluid through my palate soothed my hunger.
As I prepare breakfast, the phone rings and I answer it.
--- Mr. Nicolas C?
--- Yes, hello.
--- This is the medical center to inform you that your tests are ready. You can pick them up at any time. A hoarse voice pronounces.
--- In the course of the day, I will pick them up. I answer with some throat clearing as I clear my throat.
I resume breakfast again, I sit down to eat some toasted bread, a bit burnt by my old toaster, I took a table knife and set out to scrape the bread to clean the blackness. When I finished, I spread some jam on it and smashed a couple of eggs in the pan, no doubt that was the best dish I had eaten in months.
I finish eating and I am amazed, there are already 10 bottles of beer on my table. I must stop and go to the hospital, the time passed quickly. In between uncorking a new beer, I get dressed, grab a jacket, a t-shirt, some old jeans and pull out my old converse under the couch. As I tie the knuckles of the braids, I think about what my life could have been like if it had turned out differently that day. But, this time, strangely enough, I decide not to give the matter so much thought. I must get out of my doubts with that test, I will talk to the doctor.
--- Here are his studies, judge for yourself.
--- I just hope I'm not as screwed up as any adult should be with my lifestyle.
--- Don't worry, as you can see, the results are negative, although my recommendation is to do the study again in 6 months, just to rule out... I mean.
--- Okay, if I'm still alive in six months and if I haven't shot myself yet, I'll probably run the tests again. I pronounce with an ironic tone Nicolas.
A dislocated look as he shakes his hand. The doctor thinks, what a crazy guy.
After such a jocular moment, I decided to leave, I took the first cab that passed by the road and decided to go back to that bridge. While I was there, I watched the whole horizon, as if it were a movie, I recapitulated one by one the scenes of what happened. I thought that that moment should not have happened, that I should not have left that place. I took a deep breath and walked back to the house. My thoughts became cloudy, the more I walked through the dark recesses of the suburb, the more melancholy invaded me, a huge desire to cry tore my chest. A group of young people brought me out of my trance, their smiles brought back old memories and at the same time... the image of that young girl.
Suddenly turning my gaze to the other side of the wax, my sight stumbles upon an old bar, my refuge, my alcoholic companion. I go in to have a few drinks and then I immediately look for a companion to warm up the night. A blonde in a low-cut dress, not surprising, rather ordinary to tell the truth, approaches me.
--- Buy me a drink, but not that horse miao they sell for a few coins here. I'm not the cheap kind, she says to me with a confident tone and without even waiting for my answer, she asked the bartender for a bottle of Scotch whiskey.
I smiled, took the bottle and poured two shots. I thought to myself: --- What a bold broad, although she certainly knew how to get a smile out of me.
--- Come on man, I finally got a smile out of her!" I uttered with an unmistakable Spanish accent.
--- I just want to talk, and please, only in English. I replied in a slightly curt tone.
--- Don't think I'm such an asshole, I know when a man comes in for something that's not on the menu. But don't think I won't charge you, it won't be cheap.
--- I don't care about the price, just finish that blessed bottle that cost me so much and talk to me about anything. I guess a woman like you has a lot of stories to tell.
She took out a cigarette and lit it, she told me that her name was Aitana and that she was born in a small gypsy community in Malaga, between dreams and heartbreaks she ended up in the world of prostitution, she dreamed of being a dentist, but among her shortages and poverty, without realizing it, she was taken to four walls, a bar, red lights and little clothes, although by now she was used to the smell of nicotine, alcohol, half lights and the client just wanting to take her to a bed to satiate her desires.
Almost without realizing it, we are at the last drink, I approach to swipe my card to pay the bill and with a few seconds of laughter, we look at each other, then I get close to her ear.
--- I promise we will see each other again. I whisper.
--- And well, I still have a lot of things to tell, my story is not finished yet. He answers with a chuckle.
As I leave with my regrets and zigzagging walk, rambling, I find myself again in front of the door of my home, in the middle of my loneliness, in the middle of the night, I decide to call my ex-wife to talk to someone. Her insults and yelling were present once again, so I decided to cut the call, my tears started to come out. I drank a few more beers until I fell asleep.
I woke up the next day when there was a knock on the door, I was in my underwear and breathed liquor. I went in asleep, opened the door and looked in, it was Alicia.
She came in uninvited, jumped over the characteristic mess of my loneliness, sat down on the couch and looked at me as if to say that something was missing.
--- Can I have something to drink?
--- Yes of course. I nod.
Quickly I go to the fridge and open it, all I find is beer and a small pitcher of water, I take out a bottle and the pitcher, with a jester's face I raise both in my hands for him to choose.
--- Water will be fine. He answers while looking me up and down.
--- I think you should put on some pants. He ventured with a chuckle.
--- Oh, sorry, I didn't realize I was in my underwear. With some vivacity, I smiled at the flirtation.
I head towards my room and pick up a few flannels from the floor, I put on my pants and a white flannel, I sat down next to him and he said he wanted to talk to me a couple of things, he asked if I had a couple of hours, I told him if I had nothing to do.
She commented about the day of the accident. That day she had decided to take her own life so there was no accident. Still, in the midst of all that failed attempt and his intervention to thwart her suicide attempt, she was grateful. She asked if there was any way she could repay me for the favor. I told her no, that it was part of my job.
Then she told me about the loss of her parents, but I just looked at her battered face, her bruises and her green eyes showing tenderness. She told me about her years in college and her constant mistakes while her smile amidst the bruises made me feel confident. Finally, I asked if I could go out to lunch with her.
Time goes by and between lunches, laughs and walks, as if by magic, we began to see life differently, between scolding when visiting me and arranging my things, between her jokes and beautiful smile, in an unexpected moment and for the first time, I kissed her. I hoped not to be accepted, I thought I should not and she told me that it was also her desire for a long time.
The days passed and we already had more than 6 months dating, in one of her visits, Alicia asked me out, she commented about the burning desire to make love with me and that she had a surprise for me. I accepted but hesitantly. When I arrived at the place she had an evening for two in her apartment, she told me: --- The only condition will be, use protection. Without a condom, nothing could happen. I accepted and to tell the truth I don't think I had a better experience than that day, it was unforgettable, I still remember, every kiss, every caress, the sweat running down my skin, his gaze and the climax of the moment, the wine, the candles, gave it the color of a romantic gala.
That day when I left her house, I went to the command where I was already trying to recover my old job, I only needed my superior to accept my reinstatement to the battalion, without realizing it, my house changed, my mornings no longer had to do with the hangover and the abuse of the previous day, the exercise was again part of my routine and my mind occupied with Alicia's face and the thought invaded by her things, the smile flowed normally and it was at that very moment that I understood that everything happens by a divine power. My life had been changed by a heavenly touch, and God had given me one more reason to move forward, I was thinking of making a home in her company, of proposing marriage.
The story begins again
The day arrived, I invite Alicia to take her to dinner, there was a double reason for this outing, they reassigned my position and I bought the ring to ask her to marry me. I took her to a cozy place, the waiter was at our service, he brought us two glasses and a bottle of wine, it seemed like a movie moment. In the middle of conversations I told her about a gift, I signaled the waiter and he brought in his hands some balloons which she had to pop and pop. In each balloon was a piece of paper explaining the reasons for my love and our happiness. I get to the ring and upon seeing it she asks me --- What does this mean, I told her the obvious and offered my marriage proposal. She accepted excitedly full of smiles and joy to a point where she became quiet and sad. I asked her what was wrong and she confessed to me that she had a secret, something to tell me. According to her, she did not deserve to have a man like me, she had lied to me all that time, she could not accept my proposal.
I was completely astonished, she didn't let me think any further, she left the place, I got up behind her and insisted saying: I can't! She ran, took a cab and went home wanting to be alone.
The next day I try to call her but she doesn't answer. I go to her house and she does not want to see me, I stay waiting and ask her to please open the door, we must talk, at that moment she decides to open, I see her in the same state as the day of the accident, drunk. I ask her to please explain her attitude, she asks me to sit down.
She began to tell me her story, she had been a rebellious woman, for her actions she had been punished by life. The fact that she had never been with me without protection was because she was sick, she had an incurable disease and she could not punish me that way, she did not want to force me to live with someone who sooner or later was going to die.
--- I was always aware of her illness but I never cared and I never wanted to tell her so as not to make her feel bad.
That day she confessed to me: ---I am HIV positive.
--- I told her that there was no problem on my part, that day of the accident I knew it, the doctor told me, thinking that I was a relative or someone close to you, I confessed to her.
His reaction when he heard my comment was not what I expected. He reproached, how was it possible that even knowing that I could love her, how could you accept a relationship under those conditions?
My answer was simple, as a health connoisseur and medical practitioner I knew that illness was not an impediment to happiness. Love is embodied in our lives and day to day life in different ways. Still, she did not agree to marry me.
Days continued to pass, we went to the movies, to the park and love overcame any other feeling. She decided to accept my marriage request and boom, we burst with joy.
We realized our dream, we got married, it was something simple, few people attended, the closest ones were there, the honeymoon went smoothly, when we returned we decided to move to his apartment because it was bigger.
Life made me happy at times and sad from time to time. I wondered if I would always see her smile and if that love was true. Deep down, I worried about her illness and I should have.
Almost 5 years later, Alicia's health was deteriorating, her doctor's visits were more constant, her medications were increasing and our happiness was interrupted by another blow of life.
According to the doctors, Alicia's complications were more invasive, her days were getting shorter.
I remember going out one day with some colleagues to a bar, I decided to have a few drinks and in my deepest thoughts, I was filled with sadness for the state of health of my beloved who had lost weight, was losing the color of her dark circles, I did not know if they were due to sleepless nights or as a result of the deterioration of her body.
I cursed life a thousand times, the drunkenness was great, I arrived home, turned on the light, woke her up with kisses and tears and with a smile she placed her hand on my face, ratified her love for me. I lifted the blanket and snatched her pajamas, she asked me --- where were you, the condom, look for it. I told him no, that this time I would not use it, he objected all the way to the point of getting out of bed. He asked me to leave the room, I let myself fall to the floor, between tears of magdalena I told him that I had also hidden some things, that the day of the accident, the doctor had asked me to do some tests because of his disease, that day I had had contact with his blood, the results were negative, he asked me to repeat them six months later and I did not go to do it.
Maybe he is infected too, I shouted at him. Deep down it was what I really wanted, to end my life together with hers at the moment God willed it.
--- Possibly we have been wasting time with an absurd protection or maybe not, although that's not all it is life and destiny that brought us together not only I saved you, you also saved me.
Do you know what I was doing on that bridge that day when I saved your life? I never said, you never asked either.
Well, I had decided to take my own life, that day, just like you, I also wanted to die. I was about to throw myself off that bridge but you interrupted the plans. You gave me a few more years of life to be by your side, together we saw new love blossom and grow. It was your caresses, your actions, that made me become the man I am again, I love you so much, I don't want you to leave me, I don't want you to leave my side!
I want to die if you are not with me. Alicia comes over, lifts me off the floor, carries me to the bed and asks me the reason why I had never told her about it.
My answer was simple, I didn't see the importance of talking about my disaster, she knew in the hole where I had gotten me, immersed in a spiral of disaster and she was my savior.
She hugged me, kissed me and caressed me, she said she understood my suffering, she knew what I was going through, between nice words, more kisses and more caresses, we got along and it happened.
We made love like never before, it was spectacular, I still remember his body, his movements, his enjoyment and his passion. After that moment between the sheets, she asked if I was sorry, she felt guilty, she should not have let it happen.
She had taken care of me for a long time and came to give in at that moment. I remarked to her that I didn't care.
I should have died that day on that bridge and she inadvertently gave me the best years of her life, gave me back my full happiness.
The next day, back to the doctor, I received news that I had been infected for several years. My studies and treatment began, my routine of retrovirals, drastic dietary changes.
Alicia did not last long after my diagnosis, she died a year after that moment. My consolation was what I always heard from her lips: "You have made me very happy".
We were both grateful that we had decided to take our lives on that bridge, in that very place. At that moment, both of us, we had the opportunity to know true love.
Good and long story!