My Life Is Nothing But Fiction....
Hey, hey, hey, hey, heyyyy!... I wonder why I keep showing up here late at night, its becoming a habit... Well beats me, how's it going though... How you guys doing, pretty good I hope. Yeah I think I'll go ahead to believe y'all are good.
To use an imaginative writing, something made up, rather than using actual facts or real life events to write a story or a movie or even animation.
How does this connect to my life anyway, how can ones life be fiction when we live in the real world a world that actual things happen, where living organisms exist not just something made up, or something created to frighten children.
Well I'll tell you how "my life is nothing but fiction".
It all began one morning I woke up and I couldn't remember what happened the day before, I knew who I was, where I was, and why I was there(I lived there obviously)... But nothing beyond that made sense, I know I was born sure, I know who my parents are sure, but seeing as I have no memory of my life before that moment nothing made sense even the fact that I know things that technically makes sense but it didn't still make any sense at the same time.
Well it didn't get any better growing up, everything was just like I was floating in an empty space, a void of my own making, it was lonely as fuvk but it made sense still, I never did fit in so I guess the best place to be was on my own right? Yeah' that's exactly what I thought too... Back in early days of lower grades in school I would see other kids play I tried to join a few times but who wants to play with the odd kid, I didn't look good either so that wasn't helping things. My facial look was always insulted yeah it sucked at first bit I got used to it right now it doesn't matter anymore, not that it ever truly did.... Seeing as the friends i had all lived in my head.
Where kids would pair up to play, i'd just close my eyes enter my mind and its all roses and rainbows from there. I wasn't really good with school work, but I wasn't completely bad either, I passed my classes at least and not cause I wanted to but cause I had to.... It went on like that throughout my years in school.
I only ever truly live in my head, I have full blown conversations with myself only, I meet people sure, but I don't necessarily like people, and before u ask yes I dated sure it never worked out I just couldn't really connect. Only place I ever feel free is when I'm alone in my mind in the world I created living with the people I created in my mind.
I frankly hardly exist in the real world I only truly do anything meaningful in my head, sure I have a job only cause I have bills to pay and all that... My parents passed away a couple of years ago, I loved them sure but we couldn't really connect, I was always spaced out while with them. They thoughy maybe I had some disorder or brain damage so I was taken to see one psychiatrist after the other none could help, except Dr lucy who noticed I had a very accute sense of imagination, she saw how alive I was when I was alone in my own mind. She told my parents I was fine that there ain't nothing wrong with me, that I was just different that's all.
Not long after I was done with college, I met this girl when I went for an interview, very beautiful.... Lovely sense of humor, she never judged me or anything and somehow my lack of physical(facial) beauty, wasn't a problem for her, she only cared for who I was inside.. She said she could see me struggling and she just felt the need to help however she could. Sounded weird when she said it "I'm not skme broken toy I thought to myself". But later on I understood what she meant, it all didn't work out ofcourse, she wasn't in my head after all so I didn't know how to communicate with her, and there's only so much a human being can take. She left about 2 and half month into the relationship, I don't blame her though I'm not just someone who lives in the physical world we would never have worked out anyway.
So now I'm alone as I've ever been ever since I woke up that day and I feel I was fine before that day... Right now I think I should just end it all go for that forever sleep in the void, maybe then I'd be at peace with my made up world in my head and won't have to wake to a reality I never fit into, that obviously doesn't want me.
This is where I'm at and probably where I deserve to be after all "my life is nothing but fiction" it frankly doesn't exist.