So I had a really weird dream. But I found solace in it, makes me wanna desire to live in that reality. The dream was kind of dark, creepy, warm, explorative and intriguing.
The whole of my dream gives a lot of vibes that I am intimate with someone. I can totally feel it in my heart; it was so surreal, so pure. The kinds of dreams that makes me question if it really is a dream or not. So the guy was my long-time crush before. Not now, at least. Since 7th grade until 12th grade I had a thing for him. I even had my diary all consists of moments with him. Anyways it was so weird that I always dream about him these past weeks. It kind of scares me because I haven't thought about him much because why would I anyway? My dream was so real, I can still feel its warmth. He was so sweet, the gestures, all natural. It was like we really are a thing. Hell. We were like a couple.
Here goes my dream in elaborate details.
He was holding my hand, I was hugging him. We were walking along Ayala malls, and he was kind of like cuddling me, the thing couples do. And then, somehow I was aware that he and our mutual friend were having a thing going on, but then he was like 'meh, I never like her anyways in that level, she was just sister for me but she goes like we can be together' and then he chooses me over her in terms of who to hang out with. Because spending too much time with her just draws him in and draws different conclusions interpreted by everyone. So we were enjoying each other's company and then we met our mutual friends also, along Ayala. They were so awkward about it they made space and like seem to give us some room. They too, understand that he needs to shy away from our mutual friend because it just creates unpleasant impressions. So he spends time with me now. There was this one point where he was lying in my chest and I was stroking his hair and we were like in heaven. (I dont know how dreams work but what the hell was that.)
We were so sweet it felt so real. (How many times have i said 'it was so real'? Whatever. Moving on.)
Then, i found myself in Bichara silverscreens theater, I saw ma"am Kiten, mom's friend trying to buy some stuff for her son. In the elevator there was a defective vending machine, and I was the only young person to decipher how to make it work. There were sadly very few people in the building because of restrictions so it was kind of sad. There was also some weird machine in there that looks like a vendo and then I got some food. And stuff. The mood was giving of vibes of hassleness, I was going home and trying to catch the trip to Masbate. Covid sucks thats why travelling is complicated.
This is where my dream gets dark.
I found myself in a very tensed situation, somebody evil was kind of loose, he was helpless and needs catching. I don't know about him but sure do he was inflicting some problems. I was at the top of a house, more like a building which had a tank that catches rainwater and supplies water to the household. It was sunny, maybe like 9am or 12, I don't know but the sun was bright. It looks like it was noon. And then this guy who I felt was the bad guy was there, too. I choked him real hard and shot his head, silently. He was dead. And I felt guilty. I felt alarmed, but I felt giddy. I felt high. It was like I had a real kill. It was disturbing. I was like, 'what if I got caught? What if people found out that i killed a man. What if they knew i killed him.' I was so arrogant I assured myself I am who I am no one will now. I was invincible. And then I don't know what sort of ability or strength I have that I flew out like nothing happened. There were no traces of fingerprints whatsoever. And then I smiled triumphantly, evilish. I was so satisfied with my kill. He was dead. I killed him. There was a hollow feeling in my heart and my head was kind of floating. I killed a man. I just took his life with my own hands.
Then it ended. But even if it was over, the feelings and the emotions lingered that I felt drained by the morning.
Dreams are truly an enigma. Sometimes we want to live in it but sometimes we don't: as fear of living in a nightmare.
