I remember when I was a kid I used to spend time in reading chopped books, story books, and written folktales during midday and before bed time. Whenever I feel bad for the characters I admired the most in the beginning of the story I always put the book in the box and left it unfinished. After several months my dad collected all of the stuff I put in the said box to prepare it for the donation drive which is a part of their annual company project. I'll never feel bad for myself for not taking care of the books it is not that much important to me that time.
When I was a kid I also loved to collect stuff toys like teady bear and pandas also barbie dolls. I do not allowed anyone to touch my toys even my cousins. I love to play alone talking to my barbie and toys which I considered as my siblings. I have four but we all have no close touch point, we live in different ages and in different home. When my dads' friend bring her daughter to our home, she ruined my toys she don't even follow my rules as I said "I don't wanna play with you, don't touch my toys." I'm emotionally upset that time. My parents surprised as I put my toys and other stuff in the box. They give it all to my cousins several days after.
My mum introduced me the art, she bought pencil, crayons and bond paper and we draw rose together. No wonder I could draw an image of a tree in front of our house and the stick man type of drawing the most simpler one. That time I was able to think deeper about things to know it better. Every crayon has a story. Definitely. I used different colors each day. It depends on my mood. I used black when I am upset for some things happening in my little circle. I used pink when I feel I'm pretty wearing clothes prepared by my mum. I used blue when I feel sick. I used red when my father brought pizza. And purple when he is not around. I'll never met my granny. I think to meet them is not a part of my destiny, still my younger version think that they are part of my family even though they are not looking after me.
I discover the untold history of our family because of my project family tree, I'll never think of a forest being created by one tree and that tree is a rarest tree that I saw in my entire life, that is our family tree. The roots is not stronger as what you think because we are broken still we tried to stand for living. I think I'm living unremarkable existence after the discovery of such things. Do you know what happens after this incident? I lost the colors that I have in my heart. Unexpected things happen, the issues reveals and the matter of choices goes wrong for me because everything is not in-favor with me and my mum but I love him till the last day I met him. Since then, our paths never cross again. Until the year ends the box in my room will never replaced, all the toys and books that I put in it for the whole year are still there. No one will visit us to borrow or to ask even for a single piece. It is fourteen years now. I got five boxes in my room full of old stuffs including toys, books, clothes and crayons. I'll never think of going to the company to donate it, I'll never think of visiting someone who give up on us and I'll never think to go back in the good old days we have in the past because those days ruined my life in the present.
That four piece of my memoirs I shared to you teaches me lessons that I'll never read in the books. Maybe because I used to hate books so easy because I always wanted to read good things and story. I also learned that like my childhood toys, it is easy to give up on things if we think it is useless also we cannot deny the fact that we cannot rule the world. Sometimes we also live our life without colors we don't like and last thing is that the reality really hurts. You know every single piece of this memoirs reminds me of something which I hate the most because of feelings but leads me to learn new thing which I loved because this lessons made me whole again after breaking into pieces.
So what happen next is all about acceptance. The life must go on even we have encountered a hard times. What important is we still alive and we have that strength to move forward with the trust and faith for having a good future. We don't deserve to be hurt that much and we don't deserve to be replaced or to be abandoned that easy yet it happens because we deserve to be more stronger than who we are before. I can't imagine my present self without experiencing so much pain from my dreary past. Maybe I'll never learned to appreciate the ups and down in the story which sent us a lesson that is applicable in a particular real life situation. Maybe I don't still have the kind heart to share things to others. Maybe I'll never understand the real value of colors in our environment. And maybe I don't think what is really matter in our life without digging deeper from what is in behind.
It is exactly 100 days now before Christmas and I'll ask my mum a permission to donate those five boxes of random stuffs in my room in the donation drive we planned in our organization. This is a little help for the orphans. Some of the items here will reminds me of the past, definitely most of it are memory bearer that will reminds me a story of a thousands pain and a litters of tears, I considered it as a memorable items to be keep but now I am ready to loose it. I just realized after all these year that I need to set things free. If those stuffs can talk, they don't want to be buried forever, they deserve to be touch again and to experience proper caring that I can't give to them. What I learned is what I love, I'll never fall in love with the moment but I always fall in love with the lessons it brings to me. I'll never feel bad for those who did not choose to take care of me, I feel so thankful for the lessons the gave to me. Now I am living my life much prettier than the past and I am so grateful with that. Hope you all can also manage to crafts things and have the ability to see the highlights of every experiences regardless if it is good or bad. Always remember there is a lessons in every moments and it is up to us if we would like to treasure all of it. Go on, stay alive and living.