When and how I got my anxiety.

I am a full time mother even before. I become a wife in my early age and a mother. And yes I didn't enjoy my single life because im in my college level when I become a Mother and after that i didn't go to school. My life is not easy , I am not perfect and sometimes I lost control of things that is around me because of my young age I can't even took good care enough on our first born baby.

I also have a symptoms of postpartum after giving birth and since we live in my mother in law which is also taking good care of my husband sisters baby I need to be strong and learn things on my own . It's so hard that sometimes I wished I can turn back the time. My husband is busy to his work and only in the night he can help me with our child. There are times a cried because of sudden sadness, and he is the only person I need to talk to about my situation and also what i felt that time. And yes for me to take a rest he let me slept at night and he is the one who let our baby sleep and changes diappers and make a milk. But in the morning i need to deal with the surroundings and the people in the house. No one notice I suffered so much because I always fix my self and physically people would say i looked okey. But deep in my heaet and soul i am depressed and thinking somethings bad.

But God is still good I survived from that battle and learned a lot of things in my first experienced in life as a mom and a wife. And from that experienced I more aware and have a knowledge how to be a parent and yes God gave us another one precious son. Fast forward we had a small family, simple and happy. But in the marriage we can't avoid war both side and misunderstanding. We fight more often because of our financial problem until we end up planning one of us will go abroad and that's him. It was so painful for me to raise my 3years old son and a 1 year old baby boy. But we don't have a choice but to settle for this idea and decision. And from that after many years overcoming my fears and depression, the situation let me experienced it again. But this time it was me and no one others comfort me and talked to me if I felt the sudden loneliness. It triggered when my 2 boys admitted at the hospital and from there i felt I was all alone. My 2nd son always crying at night and I don't even enough sleep or rest to the point that i really fell weak. When we got home i don't know how to deal with myself anymore , I think many things that is negatives , I am tired , I am alone , I am unhappy. And my head begun to hurt as in im hurting so much. But God is still God the Father he let me experienced and fell everything I've been through everyday and remind me that I have kids who need my support and care. It took me 8 months to finally recovered everything because my 2nd child that time are walking and also start talking and my 1st born are already in school and that was a big help for my distraction and made me so busy that at night all i need is to sleep well and don't think negative things because of my tiredness.

Depression and anxiety is not easy. You will suffer but only your own self is your enemy. And this is just the 1st and 2nd time experienced this kind of illness. Yeah it's illness that sometimes many people killed their own lives just to forget things around them and escape the real world.

Yes ! Anxiety can killed people.

Yes ! Anxiety can make you suffer.

Yes ! Anxiety can change your good life into miserable one.

Yes ! Anxiety and Depression can turn your life up side down.

My 3rd and current experienced now really affect my mental and physical health. And I need to share it with you on my next articles , this is my only way now how to deal with my current situation. Yes , i just came back writting because i dont think I can write a story or article since im in my current anxiety attact.