Manifestation? Anyways I'm back

I've been looking for the motivation to open my PC, play with the keyboard and write about any random thing for quite a long time now. Two months have passed and I still feel like I'm losing grip on reality. Been absent not just from read.cash but from most of the things I was supposed to be in attendance.

A lot has happened in my life. I don't even know what to write about anymore. For now, I'd be looking at read.cash as my diary, a safe place where I can be myself -something I refused to do for the longest time.

Anyways, do you ever believe that whatever's happening to you at the moment is something you somehow manifested before? Maybe something you inocently and silently uttered years ago? I am a firm believer that the things that are happening in my life are the results of the series of actions and decisions I make. But sometimes, I would say that our mind and tongue possess a power no one can trully understand.

Last year, I've been rolling my eyes over the fact that I was in a boring relationship. And by boring I mean long term, long distance, too comfortable, no thrill. I considered it as something I can settle down with because of how much I trusted my partner.

Whenever I read romance books I couldn't help but compare our relationship to the characters' and say "Oh I wish we had this kind of challenge." "What if someone comes along and tests us." stuff like that.

I even love writing stories that involve cheating here for some reason. Little did I know it would happen to me this year. And oh if I only knew it would hurt that way, how I wish I never wished for something like that.

There were times when I talk to God and ask "Do I belong to this kind of family? Are they not too out of my league? Maybe it's better to leave than to change myself into someone I am not just to please them." (referring to my ex's family) I never thought that those things I said or thought about would be crashing like an unexpected comet and destroy every single thing I've been taking good care of for 5 years.

He cheated and everyone tolerated it. When Carla Abellana said "I was made to look stupid" hmm I freakin felt that. But I am honestly fine now. I was just connecting things that might lead to this happening. Anyways, I guess that's it for today. I just want to emphasize that we have to be careful what we wish for. We might think it wouldn't happen but it eventually will.