I was going to press the bell when I realized the door was open
Why is the door open ???
With the warmth that suddenly appeared in my head, I felt the need to take a deep breath.
I slowly pushed the door with concern and curiosity.
With the creak from the hinges, I felt like a punch in the stomach to my throat
My heart started to beat in my throat
"There is no death way to come in," I said quietly.
I took two steps
I'm inside.
No
sound
no
While the hall at the end of the approximately 3-meter corridor is the biggest witness of our rakı tables for many nights and the place where we feel peaceful; it seemed like a step to hell for me now.
Is my fear the landscape I will encounter inside?
Or the fear of not knowing what to do when faced with what I guessed?
For a very brief moment, I thought of going back and forth.
I said "don't be silly"
Embarrassed
Damn it
Damn it!!!
I'm afraid to step inside
I felt breathless
I took a deep breath
It's dark inside
I think the curtains are closed
My heart started to beat fast
Taking a deep breath again with the warmth rising from my feet to my head
I went inside
There are some moments in life that you come face to face;
Moments when you are sure that you will not forget until you take your last breath.
This hall I've been to many times before
It was like I was here for the first time at that moment.
The laughter we shout, the evenings of the chapters, the troubles until the sunshine and the political discussions were not held in this room either; It's like they brought me to a house in the middle of the desert.
My dear friend who greets me with pure joy and clamor every time;
In the red velvet sofa he sits
With his head bowed so that I can only see above
Elbows on her knees
Their hands are clasped to each other, right in the middle
A bottle of 70 raki is almost finished at your feet.
Although he understood that I was coming, he did not raise his head;
He did not move.
With a forked voice that barely comes down my throat
"Jack"
"Jack noo, be dead"
I could say.
No move
No sound
I was like more than norm,
With insufficient diction and awkward moods.
After each pile I was planting a balbal on the roadside,
Then I was putting bait on the sills for migratory birds.
Don't tell anyone, okay,
I believe in god.
I've heard that
Once upon a time, the people of the gurabe-i laklakanlar community were deeply drunk,
(Do not look for any meaning in the above sentence because it has no meaning).
I don't know why but
Talat Abi committed suicide one night,
At the door of a one-room house.
Then the waters flowed from the streams,
The days of my life flowed
I had something like love,
Something remained in the pain in my soul.
What more don't you think?
I have wakeful moods, my truncated redif head, and black letters.
I got to the bottom, one knee and crouched in front of him
Gently holding her chin, I lifted her head.
"No, dear !!!"
I could say again, with no other words coming to my mind.
His forehead is streaked;
Staring your shrunken bloodshot eyes into my eyes
Suddenly, I grabbed my cheeks with the palms of both hands;
with a painful expression that you can only see on the faces of people who surrendered to their bodies that I wish you could grasp with thousands of razors;
"Destructions are not repaired by apologizing my friend"
He said, "It cannot be repaired."
And his hands peeled off my cheeks as if exhausted, and my crochet-bodied friend collapsed on the ground like a rope falling from the void.