My reasons to write

I like to write when I feel I have something to say, because it is the way I found to make my ideas last in time and not have the fleeting life of a thought. I have written poems, short stories and many reflections or opinion articles.

Poems when I have been in love or suffering from heartbreak; or just because, because I was inspired that day. The same with short stories, when I remember an experience or my imagination turns to productivity.

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I know, there are people who are able to sit down and write you a book in a day, praise their talent, but it is not mine. I don't write for others either, I write for me, to express what I feel and if someone else likes it or identifies with it, welcome, that's why perhaps almost no one has seen what I dare to call "my poetry".

At some point, almost ten years ago in my university days, I dared to show a story I had written as a teenager about a love experience. I was only armed with passion and desires, without techniques, without much reading experience, exposing my creation before a jury. You can imagine the outcome.

I don't remember what they said, I only remember the feeling that remained in me, helplessness. Yes, helplessness, because although I recognize that being someone who was just starting out, it was most likely a work with deficiencies, I am sure that the Amateur Festivals are not to find a masterpiece; they are to channel the talent and provide tools to overcome it.

I don't know the reasons, but in that jury he was destroyed, perhaps his students (those of his literary workshops) were the only ones who received a magnanimous opinion. It seems that only technique was important.

Obviously that affected me, I stopped writing for a long time and for much longer I stopped showing what I was writing. I wasn't going to open my feelings for others to crush them because they don't understand them or simply don't have the technique that the academy demands.

The story I submitted I don't keep it, between papers and things at the university I guess I lost it. And that hurts me, because it would be a good way to know how much I have evolved since then. Even if I had it, I wouldn't show it 😅, because for a teenager it was acceptable, but for my nowadays self it would be bad 😂.

And as in life everything is about improving and evolving, if something you wrote 10 or more years ago doesn't seem improvable, it means that either you haven't advanced or we are talking about your masterpiece.

I continue to write for myself, although perhaps I am no longer afraid to show my poetry or stories. Maybe it's because it doesn't matter anymore if others consider them bad, in the end, I don't write for them.

*Originally posted in Hive