I like to think we have been in the Golden Age of television for the last twenty years, or so. There are shows about everything, that appeal to everyone. What hasn't been done yet? Very little.
We now live in a world where we ask our friends for show recommendations. I never did that when I was a kid. I didn't know what other kids were watching, unless I went to their house.
One time, I went to a friend's house after school and he had us stop playing road hockey outside, so we could go inside and watch Pokemon. I had never seen Pokemon before, but this half-hour episode confirmed what I already knew - I didn't like it at all.
Speaking of shows I didn't care about: I once won a draw during a Scholastic Book Fair at school and my prize was a Spongebob poster. To this day, I have never watched a single episode of Spongebob.
Nowadays, we each have our small group of friends who we trust to recommend shows to us. And then that person automatically becomes a sounding board when we need to discuss elements of the show.
It is sorta like the adult version of sharing your snack at school.
Let me just say, you can learn a lot about someone based on the shows they suggest. A few years ago, I was told to watch Black Mirror and the first episode completely turned me off from it.
This is what you insisted I watch? What is wrong with you?
Recently, I was introduced to the show, Hannibal, by my internet friend, Becky. I wasn't really interested in it, and then Becky told me about Episode 8 from Season 2 and it was one of those, "Wow, you think you know someone..." moments because the show sounded morbidly disturbing and just so unBecky-like. More on this later.
Here is what Becky has to say about all this:
I was in between shows on Netflix earlier this month and was just browsing around when I stumbled upon Hannibal. I hadn't watched it when it was on TV but knew about it. The show involved Hannibal Lecter, the cannibalistic serial killer from The Silence of the Lambs (a movie I also haven't seen). So I decided to give it a shot, and surprisingly it didn't freak me out too much.
So, naturally, that meant I told Paul about it, because why not? I think he thought I was crazy for even watching it in the first place. Then things got interesting when I sent him a message that said "In case you were wondering how Hannibal is going…" with a screencap from S2E8 that said "…is your social worker in that horse?" That got Paul's attention, and I may have peer pressured him into watching the episode. And it's a wild ride for sure.
That's how this post came about. I have since abandoned Hannibal after the first episode of season 3. There were just less social workers in horses.
You read that correctly. In this episode, there was a human body INSIDE A HORSE.
WHAT?
The same person who recommended The Good Place to me, is now persuading me to watch THIS?
And watch it I did.
I'll admit, I was a bit too eager to watch it. I did it right away. I don't know what this says about me, but let's not dwell on it. This is a "dwell free" zone.
NO DWELLING, JUST YELLING.
I don't mind horror, but there's horror, and then there's, "Somebody check on the writers and make sure they are okay."
This episode fell in the latter.
So, someone found a dead horse and quickly realized that something was inside it. Ta-da! It's a dead woman.
You know the joke: "How do you fit an elephant in a refrigerator? Open the door and take the giraffe out."
The same thing was going through my head, as I tried to figure how a person could end up inside a horse. The only possible way would be to open up the horse, put the body inside, and then sew it shut. That is what they did. Thus, ruining the elephant in a refrigerator joke forever.
Okay, not forever. Maybe momentarily.
Yes, I did try to picture a person trying to go in a horse, via the mouth. Simply not plausible. Myth busted. Wrong show. You get the point. If it were a big bad alligator, then yes, the person could go in the main entrance.
Look at how this show made my mind spiral. JUST LOOK.
The episode goes on and what happens?
WE GET A SECOND BODY INSIDE A HORSE.
This time, the person is alive! It is a man.
The man basically unzips the horse from the inside - I'm shocked the prop department didn't take a zipper off a 4XL winter jacket and put it on the horse - and crawls out, covered in blood.
They stood up right away and weren't that disoriented, nor did they seem to be too traumatized. I feel like they would've been more bothered, had they been in a Porta Potty that got tipped over by the wind.
Then again, I've never crawled out of a horse before, nor been to acting school, so I don't know what the proper reaction is. Do you seek out the nearest washroom to wash off? Or do you bathe in your own tears and wait for someone to wrap a blanket around you?
In this case, the guy was arrested, so they probably hosed him down outside the police station.
I later realized this episode aired in 2014 on network TV, in all its gory goodness. That surprised me.
What if a kid was flipping channels and tuned in just as a human-being was getting out of the dead horse? They'd think the show was "Extreme Hide-N-Seek" or "How It's Made".
"Why was that man in the horsey?" the kid would ask their parents. And then the parents would be paranoid that their child is going to be forever traumatized by such a thing.
The next day, they'd plan a family outing to the carnival, so the kid can ride the merry-go-round, because if they don't immediately face their fear and "get back in the saddle", it'll become a psychological block that stays with them forever.
Oh yes, I have thought this through.
What an episode.
Again, if you're interested: Hannibal - Season 2, Episode 8.
I have no plans to watch any other episodes in the series. Once you start off with "body inside a horse", there's no going back.
Now, I have to think of a title for this post and talk myself out of going with "Two Horse Meal" because that's too clever terrible.
"Won't You Be My Neigh-bour" is also bad, right