James Bong - Episode 5 (SciFi-Action-SATIRE)

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3 years ago


Scene 1 – K is passed out with his face planted in a keyboard. His humanoid robot Symphy is playing 3D chess with itself. A call comes in on one of the many computers strewn about the hacker lair. Symphy answers.


Symphy: Hello, how may I assist you?


Miss Moneybit (confused and astonished): Umm, do I have the right number? Where’s K?


Symphy (robotic laugh): Oh, yes, you have not made an error. Don’t worry. Master K is passed out on a keyboard right now. May I take a message?


Miss Moneybit: Um, who are you?


Symphy: I am Master K’s humanoid assistant and companion.


Miss Moneybit: I guess the dude finally gave up on real women. Why do I find relief in that? (pauses to ponder) Anyway, wake him up. It’s important.


Symphy: I’m afraid that goes against my behavior protocols. Please give me your name and I’ll relay a message.


Miss Moneybit (sighing): I’m Miss Moneybit. Trust me, he’s gonna wanna see me.


Symphy: Oh! You’re Miss Moneybit? Yes, you are one of the only exceptions to his sleeping rule. I’ll wake him at once.


Symphy walks over to K and slaps him on the back of the head.


Miss Moneybit: Not too subtle. I like your style.


K awakens with a start and blurts out….


K: No, I swear, they’re not mine!


Miss Moneybit’s holographic image appears in the room next to K.


Miss Moneybit: What aren’t yours?


K (looking Miss Moneybit up and down): Oh, good morning!


Symphy: It is two in the afternoon.


K: Did you just call to say you love me?


Miss Moneybit: Your sense of humor is impeccable. No, but I do have news that’ll peak your interest. Go to my Steemit feed.


K (looking at a bigscreen monitor on the wall): You have a viral anti-TSA video. You flew old commercial? What the hell were you thinking? Why didn’t you just fly SteemAir or something?


Miss Moneybit (pouty): It’s a long story. I’d rather not talk about it. Anyway, so those goons in costumes, ya know the so-called TSA agents, wouldn’t let half my stuff go on my flight with me. They frisked me….twice. I was damn near crying. Me! Can you believe that?


K: You are one tough cookie, I’ll give ya that. At least you got it all on tape.


Miss Moneybit: I was thinking revenge, with a twist.


K: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.


Symphy: This expression puzzles me.


K; Don’t fry your circuits over it.


Miss Moneybit: Wanna hear my plan?


K (cheesy grin and voice): I’m always interested in more time with you.


Miss Moneybit: I know. It was more of a rhetorical question. So I wanna get a big group of people together to walk through a TSA rights destruction chokepoint. No ID’s, no searches, total freedom. Just a giant throng of people marching past those order following bastards!


K: Wow, you’re really fired up! I like it! And I like the plan. How are you gonna draw the crowd?


Miss Moneybit: I figure profit sharing will be the easiest and fastest way. I’ll offer a percentage of the video I shoot of the whole thing. I’ll keep it to a hundred people or less. Enough to be effective, but not too many to dilute the monetary pool. What do ya think?


K: Genius. You should have everyone carry a big bottle of water, too. Where do I come in?


Miss Moneybit: You don’t. I could use Bong’s help, though. Where’s he at?


K: Beats me. And I’m not so sure he’s too anxious to see you.


Miss Moneybit (offended): Why do you say that?


K: Well, you did put a tracker on him a few weeks ago, remember?


Miss Moneybit: But we kissed and made up.


K: In your dreams.


Symphy (perplexed): Miss Moneybit, do you find James Bong attractive?


Miss Moneybit: Yeah, me and a million other women.


Symphy: I don’t understand why.


Miss Moneybit: K, did you program her to find twerps like you attractive?


K: We’re getting off track here. I’ll try and track down Bong and see if he’ll help your TSA bit. When’s your target date?

Miss Moneybit: 3 days. When word gets out, I don’t want to give the feds any time to subvert it.


K: Smart.


Miss Moneybit: I’ll keep you posted.


K: You don’t want to stay and watch me drink coffee?


Symphy: Human behavior puzzles me greatly.


Scene 2


James Bong is sitting at a secluded bar called the Tipsy Camel.


Bong (staring at his near finished drink): Do you ever do things you don’t want to do, but feel that you have to?


Bartender: Every time I wake up in the morning I have a similar feeling.


Bong (smirking, polishes off the rest of his drink in a giant swig): Well, this is one of those moments for me.


Bartender: More important than drinking?


Bong: Afraid so. I’ve got a call to make.


Bong throws money on the bar and walks off. He gets out his new blockchain encrypted smartwatch and calls K. Symphy answers the call.


Symphy: Hello, who’s calling?


Bong: Bong, James Bong.


Symphy: Would you like to speak with Master K?


Bong: I unfortunately have to speak with K and I highly recommend that you don’t inflate his ego by calling him master.


K: Bong! Your timing is impeccable, aside from the fact that you interrupted a record setting Tetris game I was in.


Bong: How’s that?


K proceeds to tell Bong about Miss Moneybit’s plan.


Bong: I’m not going anywhere near the DC airport, and certainly not for her. I still don’t trust her.


K: Look, Bong, I don’t blame you for that. I don’t trust her a hundred percent either. However, take into account that if the feds send in agent provocateurs to muddle things up, it could cause some serious problems for Moneybit.


Bong (huffing): I see your point.

K: Maybe don’t get involved directly. She doesn’t even have to know that you’re going. Just keep an eye out for feds and make sure Moneybit stays safe.


Bong: Ok, ok, I’ll do it. Now what about Prince? He hasn’t popped up in any places of interest since the dispensary affair?


K: Nope, not yet. I’ve got Symphy tracking him, so we won’t miss a beat.


Bong: So when is the big day in DC?


K: 3 days, high noon.


Bong: Sounds melodramatic. Anything else?


K: Yeah, keep your smartwatch on so I can reach you.


Bong: I’ll do it on one condition. Symphy doesn’t call you master anymore.


K: I’m hanging up now.


Scene 3


2 days later in The City of London, Sir Hugo Trax is having a meeting with an old, shadowy character in a limo.


Trax: I can assure you, sir, I’ll be personally handling the selection this time. I won’t disappoint you.


Old Shadowy Character: You know how my milieu and I hate to be disappointed.


Trax (nervously): Oh, yes sir, I remember very well what happened to the last wretched soul that failed you.


Old Shadowy Character (smug): Very well. You go tomorrow, is that right?


Trax: Yes, I’ll be on my way to L.A. first thing in the morning.


Old Shadowy Character (ominous tone): You know how I hate rhymes.


Trax: Sorry, sir, not sure what came over me.


Old Shadowy Character (sighing deeply): Very well, now be on your way.


Trax (grimacing): Sir, I believe the car is moving. Perhaps I’ll get out at the next stop.


Old Shadowy Character: Next stop? This isn’t a bloody bus, now is it? Out you go now. No whining.


Trax (gulps heavily): Of course, sir. (Jumps out of the limo and rolls on the pavement. Bystanders scream. Trax cover his face and runs away.)


End Part 1

Begin Part 2


Scene 1


Bong is driving his 3D printed 1977 Black Trans Am en route to Dulles Airport in the DC area. He’s having a chat with K before attending Miss Moneybit’s big TSA confrontation event.


Bong: Moneybit doesn’t know I’m coming, right?


K: Of course not. You know how well I keep secrets.


Bong: Which is why I asked again.


K: More importantly, we finally got a lead on Prince.


Bong: About time you delivered.


K: And not just Prince, either. It appears that we have an ominous continuity.


Bong: Explain.


K: So I intercepted a message from the bug in General Small’s office. Looks like Hugo Trax is going to L.A. today. And guess who showed up in L.A. yesterday? Ty Prince. How about that?


Bong: Looks like I need to get going quick then.


K: You gotta watch Moneybit’s back first, though, ok?


Bong (reluctantly): I suppose. I’m at the airport. Gotta go.


Bong puts his iris-changing contacts on so the iris scanners won’t recognize him. He quickly makes his way to the designated checkpoint where Moneybit’s show is about to begin. While waiting near the checkpoint, he spots a throng of at least 100 people walking confidently towards the area. Leading the pack is Miss Moneybit. Bong eyes the 6 TSA order-following dupes, who have no idea what they’re in for. Moneybit and another 10 people walk in lockstep at the front as the TSA goons try to stop them and ask for ID and tickets. The goons are ignored and are quickly passed by. After a moment, one of the goons panics and tries to grab one of the free humans.


TSA goon: Stop, stop! I command you to stop!


Everyone ignores the goon and continues to walk through the feeble checkpoint. Suddenly, 4 individuals wearing black hoodies in the middle of the pack start throwing rocks at the TSA agents. Chaos ensues.


Bong (to himself): Agent provocateurs!


The TSA goons start cowering behind the naked body scanners and start calling for police intervention on their radios.


Bong runs into the pack and knocks out two of the black block provocateurs with one thunderous roundhouse. He then kicks another one in the testicles, and drops the fourth and final one with a knee to the skull. A handful of badge-wearing, order-following parasites in blue start running to the scene. The protesters continue to march through the checkpoint undeterred. Bong spots Moneybit, who is panic stricken and confused just past the checkpoint. Bong bursts through the chaotic mess of bodies, grabs Moneybit by the arm, and the two sprint away from the area. One police goon chases them, but fails to reach them before Bong and Moneybit are safely cruising away in Bong’s Trans Am.


Moneybit (shrieking): What the hell are you doing?


Bong: Saving your arse. Thanks for the gratitude.


Moneybit: What?


Bong: Don’t you get it? Did you forget that you’re being watched by Small and Trax? They’ve been waiting for you to screw up, and now you’ve done those tools a favor.


Moneybit: What the hell happened back there?


Bong: Agent provocateurs attacking the TSA goons, that’s what. And now they’re gonna put out a narrative that you led a violent revolt against the TSA. I knew this was a bad idea.


Moneybit: Where are we going?


Bong (wryly): I’m gonna put you on a plane to your destination of choice. Might I suggest Acapulco? I know a pasty little nerd that’ll wet his pants if you do.


Moneybit (incredulous): You’ve got to be kidding! I’m going home!


Bong: There are at least a dozen order-following little dogs at your house right now, guaranteed, just waiting to throw you in a cage.


Moneybit: I can’t just leave the country.


Bong: I can’t afford to lose you.


Moneybit (gushy and googly eyed): Awww, that’s so sweet.


Bong: You’re too valuable of an asset.


Moneybit (huffy, sarcastic): You’re so sentimental.


Bong: Take a picture of my eyes.


Moneybit: What? Why?


Bong: I got the iris prints of the agent provocateurs stored in my contacts. Get the prints to K. It might be useful to identify them. (Bong hands a smartphone to Moneybit) Here, take this and get a private flight to Acapulco booked ASAP. Use Swarm City so it can be anonymous. I’ve gotta get to L.A.


Moneybit: L.A.? What’s going on, Bong?


Bong (smirking gruffly): Ominous continuity. Get ready for a big story.

An hour later, Bong drops Moneybit at a private airfield in rural Virginia for her flight to Acapulco.


Moneybit: This is crazy.


Bong: Welcome to my life. Tell your boyfriend I said hello.


Moneybit: I hate you, Bong.


Moneybit boards the plane and takes off. Bong proceeds to a different airfield to pick up a private plane and fly himself to L.A.


Scene 2


Now after sunset, James Bong is walking from his private plane to his new 3D printed midnight blue car modeled after the 1986 Ferrari Testarossa. He calls K.


Bong: Ok, K, where’s Prince at? Being in L.A. makes me nauseous due to its overt oozing of evil.


K: What I’m about to tell you isn’t going to help your severe allergy to evil.


Bong (takes deep breath): Lay it on me. I’m ready.


K: Ty Prince is in Beverly Hills.


Bong: Beverly Hills is fairly large. Do you think we can narrow that down a bit?


K: You didn’t let me finish. He’s at Kevin Spacey’s house.


Bong: Bullocks.


K: Not joking. You have your cameras ready?


Bong: One on each shoulder.


K: Can you get an autograph for me?


Bong (gruff): I’m replacing you as soon as possible. (click)


Scene 3


Bong is squatting behind some obelisk-shaped hedges in Kevin Spacey’s yard. He watches through a window by zooming in with his special iris-scanning contacts. He sees Ty Prince, Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, and Sir Hugo Trax drinking cocktails and lounging in overstuffed leather thrones.


Prince: Hugo, you get first pick.


Spacey: You G-men always stick together, don’t you. Why can’t I have first pick for once?


Weinstein: We could draw straws or something.


Trax: Or maybe Kev would prefer a sword-fighting tournament?

Spacey: Low blow, even for you, Trax.


Prince nods to a bulky order-follower in a black suit. The order-follower opens the door next to him, goes downstairs, and returns a moment later with a 12-year-old girl.


Trax (waving her away): No, no, not a chance. Look at that blemish on her cheek. Not a chance, no.


Spacey: Old Harv will take her. He takes anything with a pulse.


Trax: Can’t we just go and have a look at all of them together? I mean, really. This isn’t a damned pageant.


All keep silent and raise eyebrows.


Trax: Great, then. It’s settled.


Spacey: To the magic dungeon!


All four stand up and start to walk downstairs. Bong takes the opportunity to enter the house. He stealthily gets to the top of the stairs and has a birds-eye view of the group. He is appalled by the scene. There are at least 20 drugged-up, naked girls in cages between the ages of 10 and 16.


Trax: Prince, my boy, you’ve outdone yourself this time.


Prince: I thought it was a good haul.


Spacey: Can we sample before we buy?


Prince: You know the rules.


Trax (pointing): That dark skinned one there, where is she from?


Prince: Venezuela.


Trax: And the blond with the icy blue eyes?


Prince: Russia.


Trax: Saved from war torn areas, what a hero you are, Prince. Those two will do nicely. What about the youngest ones? Where are they from?


Prince: US of A. Homegrown talent.


Weinstein: They can understand what we’re saying? You fool!


Trax: Calm down. They’ll just have to be eliminated after they serve their purpose. But you really shouldn’t get English speakers, you know. It’s an unnecessary risk.


Prince (shrugging shoulders): My contact at CPS gave me an offer I couldn’t refuse.


Trax: How much for the four, then?

Prince: 20 million.


Trax: The money and transport will be here in an hour.


Weinstein: Leaving so soon?


Trax: I have a real job, unlike you.


Bong pulls out some canisters of aerosolized THC, opens them, and holds the door shut.


Spacey (alarmed): You boys here something?


The gas spreads quickly and soon all in the dungeon are knocked out. After waiting a few minutes for the air to clear, Bong hurries downstairs and ties up the criminals. He then uses his smart devices. He uses the Sub-Stratum network, SteemPay, and Swarm City to arrange drone delivery of clothing for the girls to Spacey’s house. He also arranges a transport bus and a cargo plane. The clothing arrives in less than an hour, just as everyone starts to wake from the THC-induced slumber. Bong starts handing clothes out to the girls, most of whom are too scared to speak. The criminals also awaken but cannot speak because their mouths are taped up.


Trax (muffled, trying to yell at Bong): Bmmmmph!


Bong: Hell, Mr. Trax. You said that the 20 million will be arriving soon? What should I do with it? Should I burn it? Should I allow the girls to take it? Comments? (Bong laughs to himself at Trax’s inability to speak)


Bong: Tell me, Trax, do you know the difference between right and wrong? No, I know you don’t. Why? Number one, because of your actions. And number two, because you’re an evil statist tool.


Bong checks his smartwatch and runs up the stairs, then outside to see what vehicles have arrived. A limo is pulling slowly up the driveway. Bong waits out of sight, then pounces on the driver. He knocks out the driver with a left hook and grabs the briefcase of cash next to the driver. The transport van that Bong ordered pulls up moments later. Bong runs back to the dungeon.


Bong: Girls, you can fly with me to safety, or you can stay here with these criminals. The choice is yours. The girls follow Bong. They drive to a private airfield outside the city where the cargo plane is waiting. Bong flies through the night and arrives in Acapulco at dawn.


Bong: This is where we part ways, girls. You’re free. Divide the money and start a new life, if you wish.


The oldest girl, all of 16, speaks up.


Girl: That’s it? You’re leaving us?


Bong (uncertain what to do): Well, I can’t take care of you.


Girl: What are we supposed to do?


Bong (reluctantly): I suppose you can come with me and we’ll figure something out.


20 minutes later at K’s place, Miss Moneybit and K are chatting in K’s living room/hacker lair.


Miss Moneybit: Do you hear something?


Bong is outside picking the lock.


Symphy: There is an intruder at the door.


K: Bong!


K runs to the door to surprise Bong.


K: Surprise!


Bong: What the hell?


K (smug): You can’t get past Symphy. Besides, can’t you just knock?


Bong: Old habits die hard. We’ve got visitors.


K looks in the background and sees the large group of young girls.


K: Looks like you’ve got one hell of a story.


Bong: That’s just getting started.


End Episode 5

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