James Bong – Episode 7
Scene 1
James Bong is at a house in Vegas that he rented on Steem BnB from a fellow voluntarist. He’s got multiple smart devices scattered around the living room, which Bong has turned into a makeshift command center. He gets a call from K on his smartwatch.
K: Bong!
Bong: I’m busy.
K: I know, that’s one reason I called.
Bong: You’re a disturbed little man. You know that, right?
A hologram of K pops up in the room.
K: That’s what all the ladies say. Anyway, how do you like the design of the new drones?
Bong: A drone that looks like a flying bong. Quite innovative. I’m sure they’ll be a big hit. Pun not intended.
K: Not only that, but they’re hemp-powered, too!
Bong glances at a live video feed near K’s sister’s house. He sees one government vehicle and a police car approaching.
Bong: Looks like its showtime. Hopefully your drones are effective, and not just fancy techno-eye-candy.
K (brashly): I’ll stay on the line in case you need my expert assistance.
A jarhead-looking male cop, a toupee-toting CPS worker, and a plump female CPS worker with lobster eyes approach the home of Helen and knock. Helen answers.
Helen (nervously): Hello.
Toupee-toter: Good morning. We’re with the CPS. This is concerning your son, Caesar. May we come in?
Helen (gulps, flushes red): No, you can’t. This is private property. I’d appreciate if if you’d leave, all three of you, and never return.
Cop steps to the front of the group and intervenes.
Cop: Miss, I’ll have to insist we’re allowed to enter. We have a court order that your son is to be taken into state custody.
Suddenly, a loud buzzing noise interrupts the confrontation. Everyone looks up and sees 4 drones hovering, one on each side of the house.
Toupee-toter: Are those drones?
Cop: Nothing gets past you! Hmmm, something strange about their shape. They look like bongs.
Lobster Eyes: Now I’ve seen it all.
Bong’s voice comes down from one of the drones.
Bong: You are trespassing on private property. Please leave peacefully, or you will be forcefully removed.
Lobster Eyes: We’re not leaving here without the little boy!
Bong: I have four armed drones which beg to differ. Please leave peacefully. Helen and Caesar have done nothing wrong. You, agents of the state, are funded by theft and are now trying to steal a child through violent coercion.
Toupee-toter (turns to cop): Well, aren’t you gonna do something?
Cop: I’m outgunned four to one. What can I do?
Lobster Eyes (huffy): How brave.
Cop: Hey lady, I didn’t take this job cuz I’m brave. I took it for the pension.
Toupee-toter (turns to Helen): You haven’t heard the last of us.
The three get in their extortion-funded vehicles and speed away. Helen waves to one of the drones.
Helen (crying): Thanks, Bong! Thanks, K!
Scene 2
General Small is in his office, having a phone conversation with Sir Hugo Trax.
Trax: Somehow, general, Bong is always one step ahead of us, almost as if he knows what we’re doing.
General Small: Hey, don’t try and pin what happened to you in L.A. on me.
Trax: Look, all I know is, he’s getting intel somehow. Either you’re leaking, or he’s got to have a bug planted somewhere. My boss is breathing down my neck, and we work in a hierarchy, you know, so now I’ve got to breathe down your neck. That’s how these things work!
General Small: I’ll have my office swept for bugs, right away, sir.
Trax: One more thing before I go. You realize, of course, that if you don’t find any bugs, then I’ll have no choice but to think that you’re a leak. You’d then have to be eliminated. Nothing personal, of course.
General Small: Don’t worry, sir. I know it’s not personal.
Trax ends call.
A chubby man with a smooshy face and a receding hairline comes to the entrance of Small’s office.
Small: Do I know you?
Man: No, you don’t. I work in the Total Information Awareness Office.
Small (curt voice): I see. Well, if you have total information awareness, then you must know what I’m thinking.
Man: Not really, but I did overhear part of your conversation with Trax.
Small (outraged): So you’re the leak!
Man: You had the door open. What was I supposed to do, cover my ears?
Small (rushed): So what brings you here. I’m a very busy man.
Man: Some alarming information has come to my attention. Shall I close the door?
Small: No, I like it open for ventilation. Go on.
Man: As you wish. I noticed a trend in domestic, as well as global, communications recently. It seems that in the past 3 months, the number of positive mentions of keywords like “anarchy” and “anarchism” have gone up by over 3,000 percent. Not only that, but the number of people searching for the meaning of the word “anarchy” has had a similar upsurge.
Small: You mean people are actually looking up the meaning of words?
Man (sad tone): I’m afraid so, sir.
Small: Well, 3,000 percent doesn’t seem so bad. What does that make, like 3,000 people?
Man: Actually, we estimate in the tens of thousands, possibly pushing six figures.
Small: Oh, that’s not too many. Let me know when it gets into the millions.
Man: Don’t you think we should nip this in the bud, sir, before it escalates, rather than later?
Small: I believe you’re being a bit paranoid.
Man: I’m just saying that if Bong continues his exploits, then these numbers are sure to increase.
Small (red-faced): Ah ha! So you’re a Bong sympathizer!?
Man: If I were a Bong sympathizer, then why would I be giving you this information right now?
Small: Hmmm, good point. I’m gonna keep an eye on you, though.
Man (walking off): Whatever.
Scene 3
Philip Gateschild is at a mansion in the English countryside. He’s speaking with an old, nefarious character.
Philip: It appears that your past sexual exploits are coming back to haunt us.
Nefarious Character: Wouldn’t be the first time.
Philip: A certain James Bong has been causing problems for our dogs all over America, but one of his most recent exploits had a direct effect on us, I’m afraid. He stopped the procurement of some necessary sacrifices, and now there are many in our milieu who are quite unhappy.
Nefarious Character (shocked): That can’t be! I was assured when I gave him up and approved the program, that it would be fool-proof. Does anyone know he’s my child?
Philip: I don’t believe anyone knows, except for the ones involved in his program. Apparently, scientific methods don’t always have the outcome we expect. Even the most perfect methods of control sometimes fail when confronted with the human spirit.
Nefarious Character: So what shall we do to remedy this?
Philip: I’ve already ordered him to be brought to me. I want you to tell him about his past. Perhaps we can neutralize him somehow. Give him a boatload of money to keep his mouth shut and disappear.
Nefarious Character: And if that doesn’t work?
Philip: I’ll shoot him. Nothing personal, of course.
Nefarious Character: Agreed. Make it happen, Philip. We must clear this up at once.
To be continued!
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