James Bong - Agent Of Anarchy - Episode 1 (SATIRE)

James Bong – Episode 1

Premise: Anarchism, action, and comedy blended into a spoof of the James Bond franchise.

Setting:

Year: 2028

Characters and Locations:

James Bong – Former MI6 asset for special operations. Now an anarchist committed to freeing people from statist hands. 30 years old, well built, steely gray eyes, dirty blond hair. Bong moves frequently.

K – Nerdy anarchist hacker in his early twenties based in Acapulco, Mexico.

Miss Moneybit – Feisty, attractive blogger in her late twenties and based in Washington, DC.

General Small - Bumbling and incompetent General. Former Army Intel and now with the CIA.

Sir Hugo Trax – MI6 officer who was involved in training and controlling Bong during Bong’s MI6 days.

Note: Not all characters will appear in this initial episode.

Scene 1 – Bong is driving at a scorching speed down a desert highway in a black open-source 3D printed vehicle modeled after the Acura NSX.

K’s voice: Bong!

Bong (narrows eyes at encrypted blockchain based smartwatch): K, what the hell? I had my watch off!

K (proud, sitting in his ridiculously overstuffed highback office chair): I know, I turned it on remotely. I’ve got great news!

Bong (looking ahead at the cop car and the cop’s victim on the side of the road): Kinda busy right now.

K (twirling in his chair): It can’t wait! It’s a go! It’s a go! I’m so excited!

Bong (sarcastically): You’re breaking up on me. What’s that? You’re gonna go and disappear out of my life forever? That is exciting! (clicks off smartwatch and smiles)

Bong has his speed up to 150mph and aims the car as close as possible to the cop without hitting him. The cop is approaching the other vehicle just as Bong whips by.

Cop (hair blowing from wind): What the hell!

Bong smiles smugly and activates the nitrous. The chubby cop fumbles his way back to his car and takes off after Bong. The relieved driver of the other car drives off contentedly after avoiding the cop’s extortion attempt.

Scene 2: After evading the cop, Bong has taken refuge at a bar called Bootlegger overlooking Lake Tahoe.

K’s voice: Bong!

Bong (grimaces at smartwatch): Right, you again. You know that Kay is a woman’s name, right?And what happened to you disappearing, anyway? That would make me very happy.

K: While you were busy being an intolerable ball of swine puss, I was busy getting funds for the big mission we talked about. What were you doing, anyway?

Bong: I was stopping a control freak in a costume from violently extorting a free human.

K: What’s all that chatter? And I hear 80s pop music. Are you in a bar right now?

Bong: Yes, did you call to live vicariously through me? You could go out once in a while, you know.

K: Get somewhere private.

(Bong steps outside on an empty patio overlooking the lake)

K: Ok, that’s better. So we’ve got enough Stashcoin to get Ross Mulbricht out.

Bong (smiling contentedly to himself): We should talk about this in person. Don’t say another word.

K: You don’t trust my encryption?

Bong: I don’t trust your ego. (clicks smartwatch off)

Scene 3: Acapulco, Mexico. K meanders into his kitchen.

Bong: Love what you’ve done with the place.

K (shouts, startled, clutches chest): Why do you do that!? Can’t you knock?

Bong: I can, but it’s not as pleasurable. I took the liberty of making coffee.

K: How thoughtful.

Bong: I put some rum in mine. You really should spend money on the top shelf. It makes a huge difference. So tell me the details about Mulbricht.

K (pouring coffee for himself): You know how I hate to brag, but thanks to my genius, you have to do very little.

Bong: Where’d you get the funds?

K: Donations.

Bong (pleased): I’m listening.

K: Ok, logistics. Mulbricht is in the high security federal prison in Florence, Colorado. He’s on the third level in cell 33.

Bong: Those masonic bastards.

K: Tell me about it. So I’ve got private jets lined up to and fro. One chartered from SteemAir and the other from Swarm City.

Bong: With no pilot.

K: Exactly.

Bong: And no autonomous functions?

K: I know you only fly yourself because you’re so damned paranoid.

Bong: Paranoia helps keep me alive.

K: Don’t get close to their airspace.

Bong (cold and incredulous): Don’t tell me how to do my job. How about cars?

K: Well, you’ve got your car, right?

Bong: I’m not using my car for this operation.

K; Well, hmmm. Ok, I’ve got it. I had planned the throwaway vehicle to be a 1977 Trans Am.

Bong: It would be a shame to lose such a cherry.

K: Agreed. I suppose I could find a racing bike cheap enough for the getaway and then ditch that.

Bong: Now you’re thinking.

K: Now about getting in.

Bong: Guns, brains, and balls usually work.

K: True enough, but this is high security and we don’t want to draw too much attention right off the bat, now do we? Wait until you see what I’ve got for you. (motions Bong to follow into the next room)

The room is piled to the ceiling with gadgets and gizmos. Bong stands in awe of the techno-mess.

K (handing Bong a tiny black case, resembling a jewelry box): Go ahead, open it.

Bong (smirking, sarcastic): I had no idea you felt this way.

K (rolling eyes): I finally had the huevos to tell you.

Bong (opening box): Contacts? I can see just fine, thanks very much. Have you gone mad?

K: They’re not just any old contacts. They’re iris print contacts. All you have to do is approach some of the security personnel at the prison, look them in the eye for a second, and these will grab their iris print. Then you’ll have access, and all without bloodshed, hopefully.

Bong: And for the cell?

K: Laser cutter.

Bong (impressed): How did you get this stuff? This is stuff that usually only the military has.

K: Silk Highway on the Substratum network.

Bong: How ironic. The free market website that Mulbricht was imprisoned for is still running and is helping to let him free.

K: I thought you’d appreciate that.

Bong: Which is why it cost a fortune to get all this together. Next level gear like this doesn’t come cheap.

K (sighing deeply): Tell me about it. The price we pay for doing the right thing.

Bong: You’re sure you weren’t tracked doing all this?

K (cocky): You’ll find out when you get there.

Bong (narrows eyes): And I’m flying him all the way back here?

K: I thought you didn’t want me telling you how to do your job.

Bong folds arms and huffs.

K: That’s on you. I’ll be waiting to greet Mulbricht when he gets here.

Bong: And our little blogger is going to shine light on our valiant endeavors after it’s all said and done?

K: She’s chomping at the bit.

Bong: Good. She might come in handy some day.

K: What’s that supposed to mean?

Bong (grimacing): Never mind. You’re too simple minded to get it.

K: I can make your vehicles stop working at any moment. You know that, right?

Bong: Not before you meet your hero Ross Mulbricht.

K: The man has achieved martyr status and is still alive, which ranks high in my book. Not to mention he was a pioneer in the tech market and crypto.

Bong: When’s all this supposed to go down?

K: Tomorrow at high noon.

Bong (chuckles): You’re so melodramatic. It really is painful.

K: Just one more thing. How many people at that bar in Tahoe made stoner jokes about your name?

Bong: Harassing me never gets old for you, now does it? I don’t even smoke cannabis!

K: Then maybe you should change your name. And you didn’t answer my question.

Bong (reluctant voice): One girl asked.

K: Was she gorgeous?

Bong: Exquisite.

K (grinning ear to ear): All over?

Bong (satisfied smile): A gentleman never tells.

End Part 1

To be continued!

Thanks for your time and attention!

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