James Bong – Episode 1 – Part 2
Scene 1 – Bong, K, and Miss Moneybit are having a video conference. Miss Moneybit is in her apartment in DC. James and K are at K’s house in Acapulco, Mexico.
Miss Moneybit (tapping fingers anxiously on desk): Helluva story, guys. I’ll have it published within 24 hours. Too bad about the video, though.
Bong (holding ice pack on head, sighing): Yeah, I forgot the extra wearable camera, and my smartwatch was malfunctioning for some reason (looks at K disapprovingly). And to top it off, boy genius here hacked the security cameras in the prison, shut them off, and then got cocky and tried to record using their equipment.
K (cuts Bong off): I did record with their equipment, it just backfired a bit.
Bong: A bit? They have me on camera now, breaking Ross Mulbricht out of prison, and we don’t have any video for ourselves! How does that qualify as only a bit? What the hell were you thinking?
K: Without the video, it won’t get nearly as many hits online. I was just trying to cover your ass. You’re the one who forgot the extra camera. Are you sure you’re not a stoner?
Bong (rolls eyes): Quite.
Miss Moneybit: Ok, boys, settle down. A print story will have to do. I have some pressing questions.
Bong: I hate getting grilled.
K: Even when it’s a super rare anarchist babe like her?
Miss Moneybit: You’re pathetic. So where is Mulbricht now?
K: That’s classified.
Miss Moneybit: Give it a rest.
Bong: I hate to agree with him, but we really can’t disclose his location.
Miss Moneybit: Why not?
Bong: A little thing called privacy. Next question.
Miss Moneybit: Bong, how’d you hurt your head?
(K starts laughing out loud, nudges Bong on arm)
K: Go ahead, tell her.
Scene 2
Scene flashes back to Bong and Mulbricht’s escape from prison. They’re running full speed in the Colorado countryside attempting to make it to their escape plane. They’re being pursued by control freaks in blue costumes…..aka...cops.
Mulbricht (yelling): This might be the worst prison break ever!
(Bong, panting, ignores the insult)
Mulbricht: Have you done this before?
Bong: You’re not helping!
Mulbricht: You didn’t answer my question!
Bong: No, I haven’t!
Mulbricht: Great! Goodbye!
Bong: What?
Mulbricht: We’re gonna die! I should’ve stayed in prison!
They approach the Cessna Turboprop that awaits them.
Bong: Just get in the plane and stop whining!
Mulbricht: I’m supposed to fly with you now? Ahhhhhh!
Mulbricht jumps into the plane in one speedy swoop. Bong attempts to do the same, but clips his head on the body of the plane as he jumps in.
Bong (anguish): Ahhhhh, my head! Son of a bitch!
Mulbricht (sad): Well, it was a decent life. Short, but decent.
Bong maneuvers some controls and the plane starts speeding down a field and gets into the air.
Scene 3
Scene flashes back to the video conference. Miss Moneybit and K are laughing hysterically.
Miss Moneybit: I can’t believe you used to be a real spy!
K: And he claims he was at the top of his class!
Bong: I could snap your neck right now.
Miss Moneybit: Ok, ok, moving on. I don’t understand something. Why did you get a turboprop? Aren’t those small and dreadfully slow?
Bong: Thank you! Preachin to the choir! Mr. Cheapskate Supreme here went low brow on the equipment! Your frugality nearly cost me my life along with Mulbricht’s, ya bloody little fool.
K: Hey, we were on a shoestring budget, what can I say?
Bong: Bullocks!
K: That was a sweet racing bike you had for the initial getaway.
Bong: Oh yeah, real sweet. It was like the first bike ever built and got a flat tire after about 2 minutes.
K (throws hands in air): Not my fault. You should’ve driven more carefully.
Bong: It was a prison break!
Miss Moneybit: Ok, ok. So when can I talk to Mulbricht?
K: When he’s ready, I imagine. Want me to give him your number?
Miss Moneybit: You don’t have my number and I would never give it to you, K.
Bong: I’ll give it to Mulbricht if you’d like.
Miss Moneybit: Yes, please do.
K (frowning): Why does Bong get your number?
Miss Moneybit: Cuz he’s hot, and not a lonely little pasty hacker like you. Another question.
K: Hold on. I’ve got a question for you before you fire off anymore at us. How much compensation will we get for all this work?
Miss Moneybit: It’s hard to say. I’ll have it on a few different sites soon. I’ll post on Steemit first. That post should get at least a thousand steem, I imagine.
Bong: And we split it 3 ways, equally, right?
Miss Moneybit (reluctant voice, twiddling thumbs): I’m not sure that’s what we agreed upon.
Bong: Then I’m not sure you’ll be getting anymore exclusive stories of my exploits.
Miss Moneybit (pouty face): Oh, fine. Now for my next question. What are you gonna do about the video? Surely, the feds are already on it.
Bong (looking angrily at K): Yeah, what are you going to do about that?
K: I think you should go destroy it.
Bong: I’m not going to destroy property, even if it is the fed’s.
K: Why not?
Bong: Because it’s wrong and immoral. Besides, they’ve probably got copies spread all over the network by now, so I think if anyone gets to it, you should.
K: Me? Why me?
Bong: Cuz you’re a hacker and it was your fault!
K: I say we just let it go. What are they gonna do, anyway?
Bong: Oh, gee, I dunno. Now I’m gonna be on the most wanted list. But that’s not the worst of it. This will eventually get back to my former employers at MI6.
Miss Moneybit (ponderous look on face): Why didn’t you just wear a mask, or something?
(Bong and K look at each other, dumbfounded)
Miss Moneybit: Unreal. You boys didn’t think to do that?
Bong (stands up): I need a drink.
Scene 4
Sir Hugo Trax and General Small are having a video conference. Trax is at MI6 headquarters in London and General Small is at CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia.
Trax (looking at footage of Bong cutting open Mulbricht’s cell with a laser cutter): Finally, you’ve done something well by getting me this footage. I was on the verge of firing you, ya know.
General Small (wiping sweat off his balding brow): You can’t fire me.
Trax: Maybe not, but I know people who know some people who can fire you. And that would be a shame this close to getting your pension.
General Small: Back to Bong. What are ya gonna do about him?
Trax: He busted out a prisoner in your territory. He’s your problem, not mine. However, I know what a bumbling fool you can be at times, so in my own interest of self-preservation, I’ll help you take care of Mr. Bong.
General Small (chewing loudly): Who else do you want in on this op? And what to do about the video? Make copies or destroy it?
Trax: No copies! Bong has been off the radar for 5 years and now resurfaces with a bang like this! I want as few as possible knowing about this, otherwise it could mean both our hides. And what are you eating now?
General Small: Late night pizza snack, the usual. And what to do with Bong? Could we turn him?
Trax (swirling his finger in a tropical green drink with an umbrella): He’ll have to die, of course.
General Small: Are you drinking in the morning again?
Trax’s eyes widen at the sight of a woman behind General Small.
Trax: Who the hell is that?
General Small (looks behind him): Oh, that? Don’t worry, that’s just the cleaning lady and she doesn’t speak English.
Trax does facepalm.
Trax: Damn you, Small! Now we have to kill her, too!
Cleaning lady screams and runs out the door.
General Small (yelling at cleaning lady): I thought you don’t speak English!
Thanks for your time and attention!
Stay tuned for the next episode!
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