My Mental Struggles, Reopening My Art Shop, A Video of My Art Folder

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7 months ago

Hi all...I have decided to reactivate my account at ArtFinder and start selling my drawings and paintings. Throughout the years I have amassed a huge amount of work and I have been keeping them in folders. I used to dream that someday I could open a stall at an art bazaar, but alas, a dream is just a dream. As the years passed by, it never materialized.

I had an Etsy shop once, but that too was reactivated because I didn't see the point of maintaining the shop and paying for the quarterly listing fees.

Life Feels Meaningless....

Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

For the past several years, since 2019 to be exact, I have been struggling with an intense feeling of emptiness. I have always felt that way for many, many years, but it had become intense before the start of the pandemic. I don't quite know how to describe it, but it feels like EVERY SINGLE thing in my life feels meaningless. I suspected that I was (still am) suffering from Persistent Depressive Disorder or dysthymia, but I had never been properly diagnosed. I don't talk about it with anyone; if I did, it was just a passing comment and nothing more. Writing about it here brought about a tremendous amount of shame. And talking about it feels pointless too.

So, out of this lingering feeling of meaningless, I quit making art gradually for the past few years. I closed my shops and stopped accepting commission work. I tried to make art, but it often ended up unfinished. I couldn't find the motivation to keep going because it felt so pointless. People said my art is brilliant, but I couldn't see anything great about it.

The feeling spills to other areas of my life too. I couldn't fully appreciate joyful occasions and preferred to coop up at home, avoiding interactions because I didn't have the energy to make small talk or smile.

I felt exhausted and irritable most of the time.

At its worse, I would suffer from frequent anxiety attacks, heart palpitations, sleeplessness, and weepiness. But thank God because I never have suicide ideation. Imagining it, yes, but never desire it.

I did get better. I was always able to bounce back after months of struggling. The fact that I could write here on RC, make new art, and make plans to reopen my shop is testimony to that.

I don't know why I am putting this here. But I guess it's important to create awareness that mental struggle can be debilitating like any physical illness. I am not seeking anyone's attention or sympathy. I want to spread awareness about mental health issues. Treat someone who is struggling with compassion and understanding. Never shame someone who is struggling. They can never snap out of it at will or get cheered with toxic positivity. They can't just 'pray more''be more spiritual', 'connect more'. Healing journey is often complicated and takes a massive amount of courage.

Is anyone else here having similar struggles? Feel free to share your story under the comment below. I won't judge you, and I encourage everyone to be kind and compassionate towards one another.

Now back to the plan to reopen my ArtFinder shop. I contacted the support team this morning, and I got their return email saying they will look into it in the next few days. So, while waiting to access my shop, I flipped through one of my art folders. I haven't decided which ones will be put up for sale. I must spend some time reviewing my collection and choosing the best ones.

And here is the video of the flipped-through.

Some of the whimsical drawings I plan to put up for sale. What do you think of them?


That's it for now. If you read this far, thank you. I appreciate it so much! Kindly give me a follow if you like my content. I mostly write about making art, life musing, and our mundane yet charming family life here in Klang Valley, Malaysia.

Thank you for visiting and reading my post. I hope you like it!

My First NFT Collection – Stencil 2017 – Is Now Available On OpenSea

My Second NFT Collection – Oli Kawaii Verse – Is Now Available On OpenSea

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7 months ago