is our life predetermined or are we still gonna make an effort to let things happen in our lives? i wonder if the moment we were born in this world, we already have a life to live on and that we are destined to be somebody or we are destined to let the things happen in our life. i wonder if every thing are already set and i dont have a chance to change it is it going to be this way over and over aian that's why i dont see any progress however i want to make things better because i am just destined to live this way. maybe all my goals are just so blur that whenever i try to do something to make my self achieve it, i just cant because i am already set on living this way, a mediocre, someone who will always be just ordinary, trying hard and can't even experience things that i want because there is no way i could change where i am now. those motivations, those inspirations, those words that will always say don't give up, what if those are just illusions, an escape to the reality that we would never be able to achieve those. those who were able to achieve their success is because they are just predetermined to reach it whilst having those difficulties. what if i am just a dreamer, a hopeless child that wants things that is hard to reach. am i just hurting myself instead of just living in the reality? i just want to let myself know if i would ever have the chance to experience the things that others have, to be able to feel what others feel ,and be able to do what others do. sometimes i just wonder if becoming better is a real thing because what if we were just becoming better in convincing ourselves that we became better. i just wonder if i could feel what others feel when they do the things that they want. i want to experience those kind of feeling. i want to try what they do. what if the life that we live is already a finished chapter and we were just flipping the pages to know what is in the end. what if whenever or however we change the things, it just became a long chapter and we still ended up experiencing the things that were originally written in the book and we are just running on the pages wondering how things would go and we have no way of changing it. i have tried changing and doing different tactics and i wonder why i still end up the same, i wonder f i would be able to become better, if i would be able to achieve my goals because if all things are predetermined, am i just wasting my time and energy? am i living a hopeless life where the things that i want and dont want wont change? am i just this helpless with this. when can i have those things, i wonder if i would be able to be happy someday. i dont want to have any regrets, i dont want to have things that i would be helpless in the future because i wasn't able to do the things that i want. i wonder if i would hate myself. im pathetic