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i easily get jealous when the people that i like and the people that i care the most have new people around them and im not included. i hate myself for that. i easily get annoyed when they have someone new. even though i am just friends with them and not romantically attached, i easily get jealous, i easily get annoyed, i easily change my mood and dont know how to act, i just go away silently, i just walked my way out of the conversation because i cant control what i feel, im such a transparent person. there was a time where i cried because of my friends, because i get jealous, adnd that time i dont recognize what i feel, i wasnt able to be aware of my feeings and that i get jealous if my friends has other friends. i hate myself for this im so immature, im so selfish and sometimes im like manipulative, i dont like having poeple that will say that they will always be there for me but their actions say otherwise. i dont know if i would be able to change this, sometimes when things would go out of hand, i just want someone to be with, to have, i want someone to call my own but im just so traumatized having to go through the same old feeling of break ups, i hate arguments, and i hate when the other person is acting childish emotionally because i think im emotionally mature too and its not good if the both of us is immature , i jus cant take it. i want someone to have someday, a close friend but a special kind of friend because i dont think that i would be able to prepare myself in ahving an intimate relationship. i dont know what to do anymore. i just want to things to just be easy to understand and to go through because i think im one with the sad, drk days, i want these blessings right now to continue on coming.