I never had the gut on continuing my story weeks ago, but I think I needed to. If you haven’t read my article, here it is.
So, let us continue. He changed, but I did too. How? I learned to choose myself. I learned to save myself from a toxic relationship. I needed my freedom so I could start fresh and do the right things that I did in the first place. I haven’t told to anyone what was really the reason behind our break up. I didn’t want to ruin his name and say awful things about him. I received too many questions of why, how, and what happened. I just answered them with “I don’t know, it just happened”. I did not say more about it, and they didn’t ask too.
I do not know who should be blamed. Is it him because of the way he treated me? Or is it me because I changed? Then, I realized maybe the both of us should be blamed. He treated me so bad that I can’t even imagine why I endured those years. He treated me in a way that I do not really deserve, that no woman deserves. And, I asked myself, why? What it is about me? Why did he choose me? Why me? Of all people and of all unfaithful woman, why does it have to me. I don’t have any answers on these questions yet. It’s just full of speculations and maybes and what ifs. Maybe the other way around, I’ll find the answer with what is wrong with me. Maybe sooner or later, I will also have the answers to my unending overthinking. Maybe I will have the answers I demand to know since before. On the right time and when it’s time.
We just broke up months ago. And I am happy. I have moved on. I see he did too. But, I heard something about him, about his current situation and it made me cry. I heard he’s winning her ex’s heart again. I mean, the one he told me he doesn’t care about anymore. And I heard he played the “it’s always been you” and “it’s like my feelings for you were back” cards. If it’s always been his ex-girlfriend, where am I? Am I just a rebound or his pass time back then? Is that the reason why I was treated way too bad? Is it?
I want to ask him why, not because I still love him. I needed a closure. I needed answers to my questions, not because I want him back. I needed a peace of mind so I could not think of what is wrong with me anymore. I needed a closure and explanation so I could not question my self-worth over and over again. I need a closure for myself and not for us, specially not for him.
Now, I can say that he is my “lesson-learned”. You should not choose someone over yourself because you only have you in the end, baby. Trust me, you will lose more if you don’t prioritize your happiness and worth. Now, realization is getting into my head, telling me I did the right thing – walking away from people who don’t deserve me and I don’t deserve to be with too. I hope he’s happy and contented right now. And I hope he won’t do the same things he did to me when I was the one who’s on his side. I hope he treats woman well. I hope he changed for the better version of himself and not for the worst. Even if he cost me too much pain and heartache, I still wish he won’t be treated the way he treated me. And I hope too that he won’t feel the same pain I endured just to be with him. He was still the person I loved before. He will always be a part of me, but as my “lesson-learned”. I wish him happiness and contentment. I know he can do better and be better, he just needed to find the way of how to become one. He can do that. He should. Wishing him all the blessings he deserve.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hope you enjoyed reading and this a real story. This happened months ago. Please do tell your suggestion your idea about it in the comment section!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
