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Life has been challenging for me. It let me feel every single pain and disappointment and made me take a glimpse into my darkest side. I have been fighting since the day I was born, and I have survived two decades now. I just turned twenty last February 8. It means that I am a survivor. I didn't celebrate because I was born that day but instead observed that I already survived two decades of my life and still counting for more to come.
In twenty years, it was like riding on a rollercoaster. Sometimes, things are getting messy that I didn't know where to hold on to. I received rejections too many times. Maybe not through job interviews, but life alone could give you sacrifices also. Like when my playmate does not want to play with me before when I was still a child. My teacher dismissed my school project when I was in elementary. And it comes with the worst rejections you will ever experience when you are growing up. It becomes worse every year and more complicated.
Who says disappointment did not come around? It's like it won't leave your side. We can encounter disappointment every day. Just like how disappointed I am whenever my mom doesn't buy me a toy before. Since years are passing by, the little disappointment I am feeling back then grows more prominent. It comes to disappointment to how my decision went, and disappointment for failing as a person.
I had so many sleepless nights, from doing my school activities during grade school to sleepless nights caused by anxiety. I could not recall the things that kept me awake back then because it doesn't matter, not until I have to face the darkest side of myself.
Being a survivor for twenty years gave me many lessons that I will take with me throughout my journey. I saw how cruel the world and people could be. I saw terrible sides of people. I saw who's real and not. I saw everything. Life opened my eyes on purpose for me to see these things that will make me realize how important it is to learn how to stand firmly alone. I learned a lot from my teachers and professors, and the people who came in life to teach me a lesson. I made a list of what I learned for the past two decades of my life, and I am glad to share it here.
I believe that people come and go. If you have someone with you now, cherish the moments and memories you are making with them. Make it worth the while because you don't know when they are going to leave you. If they stayed, you are lucky, but if they want to leave, let them go. If someone left, there is someone better going in. It is how life works with us. We need to learn that not everyone in our lives will stay. People come and go indeed.
Even on a long day with friends, classmates, or family, you only have yourself. I learned to set this standard where I won't love someone else more than I love myself. If you think it's selfish, then let it be. For me, being more assertive and wiser will protect you from being vulnerable, and no one could ever break you into pieces. You have to learn the mindset of "it's just you in the end." I have many friends, and I trust them, but not as much as I trust myself. I needed to understand this concept because I know that I have battles that I need to fight alone. I have struggles that come inside my head and heart. I have to fight on my own. Learn how to stand alone because you have yourself in the end.
I live my life the way I wanted, and it's not wrong. It is my life, after all. I am focused on satisfying myself by doing the things that I want without hurting others. I focus on being the better version of myself because that is where I should behead. I focus on my life goals and making sure I overcome every process it has. It is my life, and I need to focus more on it than on others' life agendas.