Since the famous Oprah said that, it must be true, because she knows what she is saying and how to encourage women to say the right sentences themselves - mantras of strength and self-confidence.
It seems that we need to learn the simplest things - to love ourselves, to adopt YES as a creative mantra and to practice NO as a form of self-care. And it seems that these theoretically simple tasks are very difficult in practice, because they do not go to us spontaneously, but we have to learn and master them.
In fact, it is about setting boundaries - it is NOT a border line, through which we do not allow access and which preserves integrity, stability and peace of mind. But in order for peaceful souls to say NO (and stick to it), we must practice.
Saying NO to others usually means saying YES to yourself
It is a matter of putting yourself first, that is, caring and loving yourself. When you have had a busy day or week, you need relief, and that may mean that you are not ready to listen to those who complain or want to talk about their problems, or to engage in helping someone and doing services. Or that you have decided to spend a quiet and quiet weekend, without any social activities, because you need to be alone and lounging in your pajamas, and that may mean that you should refuse invitations from friends for a crazy party. If others are accustomed to your availability and good mood, it will be difficult for them to accept that you are not available and that you are not in the mood - and that you do not want anyone to try to cheer you up at all. Surely in the circle of close people you have those who will immediately understand and leave you alone, as well as those who will try to convince you and negotiate. Look at these others as your teachers and coaches in setting the limit, they are there to sharpen your awareness that by rejecting their requests and requests, you choose to respect your own needs.
You don’t have to explain your NO
So, it should be enough to say NO - that is really a complete statement. As soon as you get into explanations and reasons, negotiations begin, which less sensitive and selfish people will try to resolve in their favor. When dealing with such people (and you probably know what the people around you are like and what you can expect from them), don't engage in dialogue, just tell them "no, I can't and I know you can respect my limits" and take advantage the moment they think about what it should mean to end a conversation, end a relationship, or turn around and leave. Why is it so hard? Because you don’t want to be selfish, rude, rude, and you’d like to be able to turn people away without securing their affection and not insulting them. The problem is your insecurity - those who love and respect you will not be offended and you do not need to secure their affection by giving in. And are you sure they love and respect you and why not? That is a question that you should consider, and not whether someone will get angry and insulted - that is his problem, not yours.
It’s hard to set boundaries if you haven’t had them before, but you can
If you have always been patient and inclined to put the needs of others before your own, the people around you have acquired a certain image of you, which is certainly superficial, but is constantly confirmed. They know they can find you and hire you for anything at any time and will sabotage your setting of boundaries, not because they want to sabotage you, but because they don’t even understand what’s wrong with you now, all at once. Don't waste time and energy explaining or arguing at length and actively defending your boundaries. Go over their dissatisfaction and don’t let them go over your NO, no matter how dissatisfied you are. And then do the same next time. And the next. And the one over there. As soon as there is some consistency in your new behavior, people around you will get used to the fact that you are no longer what they like more and will slowly stop grumbling, and after a while you will notice that they have started to respect your new attitude. they will ask you in advance if you have planned something and if and when you will be able to help them or join them.