Bed of Lies

The room was bathed in the light of the full moon. Shadows of thin branches and leaves danced in the soft cool breeze, and they played on the walls like an intro to a Tim Burton film. I watched unblinking. My body was tired but my mind was fully awake as though I just had two or even three cups of espresso. 

It was this shift that was keeping me awake. Something about him has changed. There had been subtle changes for a while now, like how he comes home much later than usual or how he’s been having secret conversations in the bathroom or veranda when he had not cared about who heard him before. This time, however, he seemed more preoccupied, which made me believe that it was something more serious.

We haven’t had a family dinner in a while too. For the past few months, he’d often tell me to “Wait. I’m on my way.” But then there would be nothing from him for hours. 

I consider us as still a “family” even though it’s just me and him. No kids just yet as he wanted to “wait for the right time.” Perhaps things would be more bearable if only I had a child with me at the dinner table with both of us waiting for a husband and a father who regularly failed to come home. But how could I subject such innocence to the silent pain of waiting for nothing? There was nothing more pitiful than watching the steam from a hot meal evaporate until what’s left was cold ramen that has grown soggy and fried chicken that has lost its crispy goodness. To have a child go through that would be cruel. So, no. It would be selfish of me to wish to have a child just so I would be better able to bear the pain. Pain could be shared, but only with someone who has enough strength to hold you up. A child should be able to lean on a parent, not the other way around. 

While these thoughts occupied my brain, his phone beeped. As though I was watching myself from a distance, I saw myself lean to the side. My arm stretched across his body and then reached out for his phone that was on the nightstand beside him. 

I grasped the phone in my chest, gathering just enough strength to confirm if my gut feel was correct. His phone was probably locked, but I hoped that he had not changed the code since it was not my habit to check what’s his as I used to trust him fully; and perhaps, in his ignorance, he still trusted that too.

Viola! The code still worked. The immense relief I felt quickly changed into something that threatened to choke me. The name “MyLove” and the intimate messages between them were like a thick pillow placed on my face, threatening my air supply. My heart raced as though it wanted to break out of my ribs, while my skin felt cold from the thin film of sweat which now covered my body.

I looked at him sleeping peacefully beside me, unaware of the chaos that he started in my heart and mind. Then, I looked at the messages. 

Hi, baby. I miss you. 

I had a great time tonight, babe. 

There were so many. It had been going on for a while now. Then I found my eyes glued to a text. I love you, baby. Four words. Four dull knives. They pierced through my flesh and through my heart so gradually as though savoring every level of skin, muscle, and bone that they passed through. The pain was both excruciating and numbing at the same time.

How? How could he betray me like this? Getting married to him put my life on hold; and it was still on hold until now. My dreams were a secondary option, even a last option, because everything had to be for him and for the family. I worked for this family like it was a high-paying job as I did not want anyone to have anything to say against me or him, or our family. Everything was perfect - perfectly cleaned house, perfectly tended garden, perfectly ironed clothes, perfectly organized house - perfect! Plus the smile on my face that I've pasted on for so long feel almost natural. My muscles have grown accustomed to it in a way that my eyes couldn't.

Still, my sacrifices were not enough. He wanted something more; and I could not provide him anymore because I had already given him my everything. 

Every last ounce of what’s inside me was on the table; and like that food that had been ignored, what’s inside me has also grown cold. 

The next morning, I sat on the table with a nice, normal breakfast prepared. I waited as I watched him take a seat.

“Do you want anything for dinner tonight?” I asked.

He took a sip of coffee, and he nodded in approval of his beverage. His hurried reply, however, was “No, no.”

“I have a meeting at eight. Don’t wait up. I don’t know how long it’s gonna be,” he added while shoveling the perfectly cooked eggs into his lying mouth. 

“Why, John?” I inquired. My voice calm, belying the storm of emotions that whirled inside me clamoring to get out. 

“Why what?” he asked as he continued to enjoy his food.

“MyLove,” I whispered as I looked at him directly. Once he lifted his head to actually look back at me in surprise, I continued to quote them.

“‘Hi, baby. I miss you.’”

In a mocking tone, I added, “‘I had a great time tonight, babe.’”

Then I gritted my teeth when I said, “‘I love you, baby.’”

He had stopped chewing his food and seemed to have difficulty swallowing.

“Why?” I demanded. “I need to know why?!”

He let out a tired sigh and said with a smug and sardonic twist of his lips, “You bore me. You don’t satisfy me anymore in every way, especially in bed!”

“You…” he said with his brows furrowed and his hands gesturing to me as though I was some sort of thing that could not be explained. “It’s just...you!”

“After all these years,” I said quietly, my eyes never leaving his face. This face that was handsome to me before now looked twisted, like a monster’s. An unfeeling monster.

“We’ve ended years ago, Anna. You just did not want to see it.”

“No. I saw it but I tried to fix it. You saw it but all you wanted to do was escape it,” I murmured, feeling drained from all the turmoil. However, there was also clarity, which told me that what I did was right.

So with a shrug, I stood. I exhaled although all the hurt and betrayal were still churning inside me. 

“Enjoy your coffee,” I said with finality and walked away.

I turned to face him again when I heard a gurgling sound coming from where John was.

He was still seated. But now, he was clutching his throat and was turning blue. He gasped for air, and I whispered with a small, sad smile, “This is how we end it… John.”

💮 My thoughts: 

Men cheat, as do women.I depicted cheating on a spouse here. Some say that men often think about sleeping with other women and when presented with an opportunity, they will take it. I disagree though because there are still men out there who have honor. When they love, they love deeply and truly. They respect their vows. They respect their partners. 

I think there are many reasons why people cheat. One could be a lack of love or connection, which could pertain to any type of connection, including physical, emotional, and even mental connection. When a part of you is not invested in a relationship, it’ll be hard to stay true. Another could be lack of or the absence of respect. Even if you don’t love somebody but you respect that person, then that respect would stop you from cheating. Then there’s also opportunity, as mentioned, as well as issues with character or morality. 

I do not condone cheating, but I do understand that there could be deeper reasons as to why people do this. Just because a person cheats, he or she is already a bad person; while the one who does not is a good person - it is not as black and white as this. There are varied reasons as to why people cheat, and some could stem from something emotional, physical or even primal and psychological. Aside from that, there are also many reasons why people choose to stay with those who have cheated on them.

Hi @JonicaBradley here is my article for the "cheating" prompt. I am enjoying this. Thanks very much 💮☺️