Warning: It's going to be a boring one. So if you're also bored like me, I highly recommend you not to read it. But if you DGAF, then you may proceed.
This morning, my sister-in-law and I had an important monkey business to attend to. Actually, we went to the town to claim my 5K pesos ($104+) from the government. That was my first time to receive anything from them.
It was okay, though. We waited for hours, but it was worth it. We got what we need. While we were there, waiting for the DSWD (Department of Social Welfare and Development) to arrive as they were the ones to distribute the money, I saw a few women at my age or even younger, who are looking so beautiful.
As usual, my insecurity starts to kick in again to my system. I couldn't help but notice how pretty they are and when I looked myself in the mirror, I realized how fugly (fncking ugly) I am.
This is actually one of the reasons why I prefer to isolate myself from society. I just feel like I don't really belong, and this is also one of the many reasons why I'm still single at my age.
They are beautiful, and they can do anything they want. They are also fun to be with (based on my observation). They are everything that I'm not.
I know I shouldn't look down on myself or feel insecure, but I can't help it. It's hard not to envy those beauties. And every time I see one that's worth a stare, I would lock my eyes on that person and just let myself enjoy the view while I still can.
And the what-if questions come next. What if I was born normal? What if I was born tall or skinny or smart or talented? What if I was born like a real human being rather than a cyborg? What if I'm just like the majority, will the person I like likes me too? Will I be loved? Will I be valued? What if?
These are just a few of the many what-if questions to myself. To make me feel better, I would have to convince myself to let go of all these questions and move on. I am different, and there's nothing I can do about it except to just embrace my flaws with open arms, positive thinking, and a smiling face.
Anyway, if you could give me any advice, what would it be? Whatever you have in mind, feel free to ask and comment on it down below. And if you also have insecurities that you'd like to share with us, then don't be shy, and you know what to do.
🎄Two days left before Christmas!🎄
Advance Merry Christmas, everyone!**All photos are free images from Pixabay.
I get these thoughts a lot. I'm nothing special but there's nothing wrong with trying sometimes. If you weren't born with it then why not try to make yourself better bit by bit through routines