When realization hits you

Good evening, it's me, Bheng, cloudy tuesday evening to all, with another article to write, share and publish here again at read.cash and it's based on my experienced, lol

In life, you will faced some realization in or with it and all you can do is accept it as you can't do anything about it, lol, this article's based on my experienced or what i've been through all of those years, lol, it's kinda sad and somehow made me mad or angry but learned to accept, deal and get used with it because like i said, you can't do anything or nothing with it but to just accept it.

Realization first hits me when i was still studying or in my highschool days, me and my other big brother's both studying that time, he's on college while i'm in highschool, our half-siblings are the ones who pays for our schooling but my brother decided or didn't want to continue his studies anymore that made our other siblings to stop supporting us, it's kinda sad but it happens so i had to accept it and just deal with it and continue my study, remember doing some drawings and poems and sell it to my classmates so i can have money to give my parents and so i can have some money too for my schooling and other things needed while i'm still studying, that realization hits me and realized that even your own blood can stop supporting you if they wanted or get tired of helping you, that time, i was just 16-17 years old only but started to stand up and only depend on myself and my parents and not on my half-siblings, my brother's fault or doing also became mine, that time, my father's always getting sick and got weak and can't work that long even if he wanted too but i was able to graduate and finished my highschool by my own and my parents help that time and it made me proud and happy.

Second realization hits me when i was in college, same thing happen, i also used to do some stuff so i can continue my studies that time, aside from drawings and poems i used to do, i also decided to sell some clothes, calendars, sara lee and cuticles and even food that time, to support me and my family too, never asked help to my other siblings anymore 'coz i'm just their half-sister and they are mad by what my brother did, nadamay ako dahil sa kuya ko but i never blamed or get angry with him as he supported me before that time when he got work and the money that i earned, i still gave some to my parents or to my mom rather, it's really hard, i even asked and wonder why life's unfair and then i've learned that my nieces and nephews are studying in a good school and every month or year, they got new phones or laptops, lol, but like i said, can't depend on them as they are not just mad by our father but to my brother as well that time, lol, i wasn't able to graduate or finished my college or bachelor's degree that time because i can't continue and can't afford to continue studying as my father can't work anymore as he's old and really weak too.

When realization hits you, it will make you strong and learned a lesson in it too, as the year goes by since i wasn't studying and wasn't able to finished or graduated to the course i had on college, i decided to work and it was good at first, especially when my other brother told me to also work where he was working that time and that time my father kicked me out of our own house because i agrued, fight and kicked him, in short, nilabanan ko ang tatay ko because of my nephew who i took cared of since he was little, i am sad and regretted fighting, arguing and kicking my father that time but when you're really mad, you are not thinking clearly or straight, lol, that's one of the things that i wished i could turn back the time and wouldn't do it, realization always hits me and like i said on my previous article i wrote yesterday, when realization hits me, it always hits me hard, lol, learned from my boyfriend that my half-brother who happens to be his friend/workmate told him before to never helped and send money to me, lol, can't believed he would tell him that and can't believed too that he followed, obeyed and do what my half-brother told him, lol, remembered sending my boyfriend's messaged about it, told him, i am not going to depend on him because he can't and don't help me then so why and how will he helped me now and that he believed my half-brother more than he believed in me even though he knew that i'm not earning enough that time rather a year ago and now, this pandemic, he doesn't want me borrowing money to people out here nor get a loan, but told him, he isn't helping me then and now so what does he wants me to do here, get me and my mom hungry or be hungry, lol, it made me silently cried yesterday because that realization hits me and it hits me really hard, lol, my mom doesn't know about it and i never told her about it because i don't want her to feel sad and bad as she's been through alot before and told her that i am going to take care of everything so she won't get worried or think about it.

Life's unfair most of the time and when realization hits you, it will hit you big time like what it does to me every now and then, lol, but i learned to accept, deal and understands it as i got nothing to do with it and just continue my life and never commits suicide or similar like it as i value and love my life and always thinking of my family everytime i am sad or may pinagdadaraanan sa buhay, i just cried and also prayed and then i feel good and alright and learned that i only can depend on myself or to other people by borrowing money as they are the one who can help you with it at mas nakakatulong pa talaga ng malaki ang ibang tao kaysa sa mismong kadugo mo, lol, that's also one of the realization i've learned and experienced, it's sad, but like i said, that's what life is and so is the realization who always hits me, lol

Bheng here again saying, kainan na, lol, realization always hits me hard every now and then and just accepted it and learned to deal with it too kase ganyan talaga ang buhay at kapalaran ko dito sa mundong ibabaw so i just accepted it, lol, it's unfair and i think i don't deserved it as i never do bad or anything to anyone then and now but it made me who and what i am right now, i am not that good but i am trying to be and when i said things like this and that or made a promise, i always do it no matter what, in case i forgot it, i still do it when i remembered it, lol, may pagkaulyanin na kasi ako and that's my only bad, lol, let's eat, hope you had a good day today, have a good evening or night, God bless and be safe and be positive always even if realization always hits you big time, lol, guess, there's a bug now and it's active again as there's no EXC on my article now, lol, brb soon and hope that it will have an EXC on it as i wrote this article myself and based on the realization i had, lol