Good evening, it's me again, lol, some say, when it's over, it's over, don't regret the choice or decision that you had made when you feel or think that it's not going to work out the way you wanted it to be or if the same thing kept on happening. For everything happens for a reason and you met people because it's either they give you a lesson or they are the one who are meant for you and it's bound to happen and it's fate.
I guess it's over now, why? Because last few days or last week, told him goodbye and thank you for the memories, it's really hard, never felt this way before unlike what happened 3 years ago. It's been almost 2 years but nothing happens, same promises, same hopes and words but nothing really happens.
I always did everything and my best and parang ako pa nga ang lalaki, lol, in almost 2 years, happy, sad feelings and fights or arguments and jealousy happens between us and that's normal for those who's in a relationship, right? At muntikan pa ako mawalan ng work dahil siya lang ang iniisip ko lagi at naging importante sa akin, used to have a good record before, even remembered going at work with my eyes red and swollen, never listened when they say let him go because hindi siya mabuti para sayo at lagi ka nalang umiiyak o maga ang mata kada papasok dahil nag-away kayo, hindi ka dating absenera at nalilate pero nung nakilala at nakarelasyon mo siya, nag-iba ka na, nasira na ang record mo dito sa hotel, hindi ako nakinig sa kanila because i really do loved him and wanted him to see and know and show how much i really feel for him.
They say, if you're really inlove, you would do the impossible things for the one you love and that's what i did, i even sent him postcards and cards for 2 times because i want him to feel special for the father's day and for his birthday also sent him a small amount of money before because he said he got no money, that's quite expensive but i didn't mind it, that time, may part-time business o nagtitinda ako sa work ng kung ano-ano at kumikita ako dun kahit paano, to make it short, i did everything for him for almost 2 years, never listened to my workmate and family and friends because i really want and need and love him.
Then this pandemic happens then i've learned that my very own halfbrother was the reason why he didn't helped me from the start even he knew that i'm not earning that much at work because i got debts, my salary's just enough to pay my debts and bills and i'm also helping my other brother, he listened and followed what my halfbrother told him to do, lol, thankful dahil may sideline ako kaya hindi kami gaanung hirap that time, never lie and told him my situation here, got no savings because of that, never asked him for money 'coz i guess that's the reason kaya umayaw ang unang lalaking nakilala ko, but can you blame me? For almost 2 years, like i said, nothing happens, just promises, hopes, words, i've done everything for him before, hindi naman ako umaasa na masusuklian ang mga ginawa ko para sa kanya dati because expectations might hurt you if the things you expected never happens, right? But if he really do care and love me like he said, diba dapat tumulong o tinulungan niya ako sa simula pa lang o dati pa 'coz he saw and witnessed by his very own eyes my real situation out here, how i struggle just to have food and everything needed in this house, but no, didn't mind it before pero darating ka rin pala sa puntong magsasawa o mapapagod ka na sa puro pangakong napapako lang lalo na ngayong pandemic plus wala ka pang work, lahat sayo, may bf ka nga pero puro salita at pangako lang so i told him that when nothing happens before this year ends, sorry but i'm going to let him go and will give him up, plus some things also been happening out here now and don't want him to get and be involved in it 'coz he got his problems there too, i did my best but i guess my best wasn't good enough, lol, it's hard to say goodbye to the guy whom you really love and be with for almost 2 years but if it's for the best and for his sake and advantage, why not, right? Because he said, he don't and can't process the papers because masyado daw matagal plus the shots or injection's expensive plus he got no passport and ipaprocess niya pa daw yun at puro gastos daw, lol, so i told him, just stay there and don't go here so you won't need to do all of that nor spend your money because of it and i'm right, didn't i? Lol, good thing, got some diversion or distraction out here, been doing some errands and chores here para hindi ako gaanung mag-isip o damdamin o mastress dahil dun, been 2 days now and he's not messaging me so i guess it's over now, it's really hard but i can do and deal with this just like before, it's like one of those days kind of thing, lol, told him that i will find myself and know and find out why things like this use to happen at me, what did i do wrong for me to experience this, my mother doesn't know that i did this or i told him goodbye, the guy i met 3 years ago, sinabihan din siya ng kuya ko na wag ako padalhan ng pera pero hindi siya nakinig and thankful for him for that as well as dahil sa kanya kaya nabuo itong bahay ko ngayon but i let go of him and remove him on my facebook because i want to start new and he understands it, malas siguro talaga ako sa pag-ibig and i wonder why, wala naman akong ginagawang masama sa kapwa ko lalo na sa mga lalaki but i guess, ganito ang tadhana ko, lol, please bare with me po, medyo nadala na naman, soon, hopefully everything's going to be alright and hope i can find myself and understand why things like this is happening to me.
