‘Why are marriages not working today? What broke that pre-marriage passion, spell? Is marriage really killing love? "Knowing the answers to these questions and what can happen before marriage opens the door to a happy relationship after marriage. The most important secret is; to "care" for each other, yourself and the relationship.
We know that it is not easy to run a marriage. But it is obvious that it is not very difficult. When you combine a pinch of care, a pinch of understanding, a pinch of compassion and lots of love, a happy marriage is on its way. However, it is one thing to know and to be able to apply it.
Does marriage love really kill? What changes with marriage?
I don't think marriage changes love. Love is something else. However, with the signature made after the marriage, the institutionalization of the relationship comes into question. While we all make certain requests freely, we also try to fulfill the requirements of the institution. Then we lose our own individual values. Now there is a common life, but that life can be a life that neither person wants.
Do we decide too quickly to get married?
It can happen. But above all, the perspective on marriage is important, why we want to get married. When reasons such as families, pressure, desire to go to a separate house arise, the work can accelerate and people get married without knowing each other. If marriage is really viewed with the intention of "living a life together", it doesn't matter if you make this decision early or late. If you are getting married for different reasons, the danger begins.
Is there such a thing as changing after marriage? Or are we too blind to see this change from the start?
There is a change, but a change like this; When the person starts the relationship, he knows the other person a little. But when the institution of marriage comes into play, individuals try to change each other for some reasons. “But you are married now, you are a wife now, don't go there, don't do this, you have these responsibilities…” When these are involved, of course the person starts to compromise himself. It also changes when it begins to compromise itself. He is both uncomfortable and the other person is not that person anymore.
In fact, women are also very fond of their mothers and they can call their mothers every minute and leave the children to their mothers. But men do not mind this situation that much. The reason women cause problems; the male-female role is coming into play. The man does not say anything to this, thinking 'the more his mother helps my wife, the more comfortable I will be'. The woman, on the other hand, feels pressure when the man's mother steps in. However, sometimes there is a really over-dependent relationship between mother and son.
What is the secret to being able to work healthily?
It is necessary to pay attention to this; I am a separate individual and does not have to attract me. One should always say this to himself, and the other person should look at it from that point of view. It is necessary to think, "I am not his mother, not his father, someone who has the expectation of happiness with whom I live together". Also love, affection and understanding; key words. Of course, we can talk about our daily stresses, we can discuss when necessary, but we have no right to hurt the other person.
One of the biggest problems in marriages is that we can wear out the other person with the comfort that will never go away and will never disappear from our lives. It should not be done.
So what should I do?
We will know that just as we need love, compassion, and understanding, we need it. If we have trouble, we can do some exercise and go home; or we can show understanding to each other by saying "I am very troubled today, let me sleep a little, get up and talk after that". If everything is routine in a marriage, we cannot wait for that marriage to continue. In other words, dinner should be prepared carefully, waking up in the morning should be attentive ... Yes, life is very difficult, but marriages depend on being a little attentive. In the past, there was such an aspect of women not working; They used to get up in the morning to iron them, dress their wives to dress up, prepare breakfast in the morning… All of this is actually a care. Men also tried to take their wives to dinner at the weekend.
What signals need to be paid attention to before getting married, and what path should be followed?
Marriage is such that there are many psychological reasons for wanting to marry. Now you want to live a regular life, you want to get rid of sitting next to your family, but you are not in a position to dare yourself or you want a child… If you agree with the other person on many issues and believe that you will be happy, and if you know him or yourself well, your chances of experiencing problems will decrease. One of the most important points here is definitely getting to know yourself. You must know the answer to the question "Can I be with him?" If you are thinking of uniting at this point and starting a life, usually things are working. It is said that "the first year is the hardest time in marriage". Why is the first year so important? The first months are really hard. Problems are often caused by the difficulties of living in the same house. Actually, even when you live with your sibling, you can have problems even though you know him well. Minor problems will certainly happen within a year until they get to know each other, but they must be resolved and the relationship must be set on track. But there are some problems that the marriage must end immediately; such as violence.
It should also take care of sexuality!
One of the most important factors affecting the relationship is sexuality. Bad sexual intercourse shows that there is a deficiency in that relationship. A healthy sexual intercourse should be 2-3 times a week. There are many things that can disrupt this situation due to work stress, illness, and fatigue. However, in general, it is again the care, love, affection that determine sexual pleasure. As they feed, sexual intercourse comes with it. So you don't need to feed it separately either.
Attention after the child!
During pregnancy, spouses need to be more attentive to each other. The expectant mother is busy with her unborn baby and her complaints during pregnancy. In such a situation, the man feels neglected and does not understand what his wife is going through, thinks "he has returned to himself, he neglects me too" and starts looking for his satisfaction outside. The mother, on the other hand, expects constant support from her husband, and she thinks that she does not understand me. First of all, the pregnancy process is experienced a little like that.
Money issues
Couples who have problems with money need to question their love first. If there is love and sharing, things like money are not a problem. If there is a problem, it is necessary to question a little love. If benefits arise, if it is said, "You earn less, we spend less of your money, we eat more than me", then it means that a common path has not already been established.