I couldn’t believe it, the woman whom I love is walking away from me. This time didn’t feel like where she’d come back the day after. For some reason in my guts, it was telling me she was walking out of my life. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. My stomach felt sick and my heart was filled with sentimental feelings. I was confused to why she gave up yet I knew why.
I could recall our first few stages together. It was nothing but a tender feeling of happiness. We would chat for hours having endless conversations. Everyday we would learn new things about each other and ourselves. We thought of each other regardless of what we were doing. If I were to shop, I’d randomly buy her gifts. Seeing her smile from what I gave her made me feel confident about myself. It felt like I could hold her in my arms forever and not worry about her walking away.
I always saw a future with her yet somewhere down the line something felt wrong. Something felt.. off. I didn’t know what my guts were telling me yet I still put in an effort to love her everyday to tell myself that I was overthinking. Though conversations became more short, I shrugged it off telling myself that we became more comfortable with each other. Communication was key, yet trust was another thing. I mixed them together not knowing this day would come.
I was always the same towards hers. Every time I went to see her i’d smile and give her a hug. Yet it was only until now I realized she never did the same. It was as if she was getting sick of me. Her words, “I fell in love with someone else” punched my stomach. My heart sunk as if it became loose. It felt like I lost myself in that moment. I was confuse to why she said that. I always kept the same energy towards her, I always tried my best for her. Yet why would she fall in love with someone else. Was I not giving in enough? Was I too busy with work and school? I always made up for things I couldn’t do with her. I had so many questions yet why couldn’t I ask her.
It was only until now I realized most things she would tell me where lies. When she said she was with her friends, she wasn’t with her friends. When she said she wanted time alone, she wasn’t alone. Her energy was fading while mine was empowered by stupidity. Everything my gut feeling was telling me, I denied it because I trusted her so much that her tongue became my reality. I felt sick for distrusting my guts. I wanted to puke, I wanted to cry, I wanted to ask her questions, I wanted answers. It was like my mind was filled with so many things yet I felt empty inside. I wanted to grab her hand and tell her we could work something out. But I let her go for the best. We had our problems and sometimes people just don’t match.
The thing is, people are just meant to teach you to let go. Things will happen and no matter how little wrong you’ve done. You’ll ask why you deserve what they did to you. You’ll have to accept sooner or later that you didn’t deserve it unless you know what you flawed. They can be there at the start of your story but never at the end. As much as you want to rip them out of your book, you can’t because they were once important to you. You’ll learn that everything is temporary. You waste so much time wandering on the why’s. You waste so much energy missing them. IT TAKES ENERGY TO MISS SOMEONE. You can love or hate them but one day you’ll have to love yourself again. Regardless you’ll want nothing but the best for them deep inside and that’s the truth.