What a strange dream that was

In the sea of dumb people there I was, swimming and fooling around as if stupidity has been my turf.

You might have seen me in my stupid pretty me. I felt it then. But I let the chance for us to be together go to waste.

What a fool I've really been. Had we tried back then, or perhaps, we tried or you tried but it wasn't in my interest to see myself happy.

Instead I swam deeper into the ocean of nothingness until I got what I thought now that I didn't like.

But it was too late when I realized...

Even just a while ago I wasn't able to see your worth for me. It was only now I saw what you might have seen.

I won't apologize. Even if I did you are long gone for the likes of me. Too late to make out. I shouldn't even imagine...

Just for this very thing, in this platform called blogging, may I? Lest I forget and nothing might bring me back to this once beautiful thought of you and me together.

For once let me say that I have loved you and perhaps I could still.

Even I couldn't understand the depth of my foolishness for letting you go. I may just have bad eyes and memory.

I wonder if it's the game of fate. I wasn't a winner in the game of love.

Lest I forget, let me hug you in my dreams. Lest I forget about the image let me kiss you just for once.

When I let this moment go, of thinking of you without logging it down I might forget forever.

Such a fickle person I am. If that is even the right term for me.

Do you blame me? If in the slightest of chance you have thought of me once in a while, do you wonder why there wasn't an us?

Or have there been? I already stated beforehand I have a fickle mind. Perhaps there were times we were making out but I just forgot...

Maybe, I have to be reminded... Try as I might I can't recall everything.

Do you hate me perhaps?

Or what was I to you? Am I just going ahead of myself?

Now I remember there was a time you got mad at me. I took a boy out while we were hangin' out. I mean, we were in a group, but some guy took me out of the group.

You were mad indeed. But I believe it wasn't out of jealousy but of anger why I have zero skills of being a good girl.

Oh yeah, I cried for that guy but never because of you. Might as well cry now for my stupidity of letting our chance slip by.

Come to think of it... You never made me cry but I kept looking for guys who would make me. Am I a masochist? That isn't healthy at all.

Now I am thinking, perhaps my masochism has already healed and all I wanted now is some healthy love and care from someone I felt loved me.

But there lies all the irony. It is too late I guess.

I wish we would have a chance to just talk this thru. Not having an affair with you but perhaps just an afternoon coffee with you to joke about the past's stupidity and denseness.

Here's to hoping we'll get by. Or to myself only. A chance you're genuinely happy now would be much appreciated. That would be more than enough a consolation for me who must have hurt you before. Now I realize...

But thank you for the feeling you have given me so far. To the sense of comfort you radiated through me. Much appreciated.

To my love. Or not.

But no, I didn't think of you because of a conscious effort. I actually had a dream a night ago. And there was us. As if it were true. So I considered thinking about you.

What a strange dream that was! I know it happens to a lot of people. But then I deem it very special for me.

At the very least I thought about you, about us. Life is short. Who knows if the next day we are no longer with life. It would be a double tragedy to not have thought about you at all. Before I perish.