Searching for the right philosophy in life

Death, as they say, is just around the corner. And I agree. One way or another, we are all going to die.

But then, being diagnosed with diseases and such, we become suddenly reflective of the above.

Is it indeed the case that the grim reaper is just around the corner? That anytime we become devoid of life and not living in this world anymore?

What should we think to feel better? I thought I had justified the prospect of dying anytime but I have a lot of baggage to manage.

I have lives depending on me and I have others who will be affected just in case. It seems I do not want to hurt anyone with my passing just in case.

Just a few years ago, I started feeling as if I am in my last years. Oh, how was I able to think that. But upon getting my diagnosis, my hunch became stronger.

If only I have more years to live. Am I asking too much if I say I needed a decade more? I just wanted to do more for my family. To prepare for my passing in this world.

Nothing is definite yet but I strongly feel that these are my last years. But if I could live more years...

I ask The One above, to please give me more years. To prepare. To finish whatever fight I have started. To do something good.

But then again, we shouldn't think negatively. This is why I am trying to think about the right philosophy for my life.

What should it be? Should I just relax and get all the massages that I deserve? Should I just live and perish if it is my time? Shouldn't I worry at least for the people I will leave behind?

Is there a proper preparation? Should I write a will for my young ones? Should I just rely on others to help whoever will be left behind?

I am reminded of my aunt. How I wish I was there with her during her last moments. How I wish I talked to her more. How I wish I joked about life with her.

How stupid I was to not be with her when she was breathing her last. But she's gone now. Gone forever and what use is there regretting anything?

We're the ones she left behind. And my mother was the most affected, I think. They're siblings and best friends. She collapsed upon learning of her death.

My aunt's kids were all shocked by her passing. Who would have imagined that she would die sooner than expected?

Turns out that she kept it a secret that she has been feeling unwell and been going for checkups without her kids knowing it.

Just maybe, she has been aware that she would die and that she was trying her best to prepare for her death.

Maybe, she also wasn't expecting her death. She may have thought of getting well but it was already out of control when it was made known that she was hospitalized.

The last thing I did for her was to put her socks on for her while she was at the hospital. I was there watching her when she asked me to do it.

When it was time for me to go that day, she reminded me not to forget my umbrella. She said it will be a waste if I forget it.

That was my last moment with her.

My cousin says that I look a lot like her mom. Then I am thinking, that we shouldn't be the same about dying early. At the very least, we shouldn't be alike in that aspect.

I dearly hope my hunch will be wrong even if the diagnosis somehow confirms it.

There are miracles. And I should believe in them. That seems to be the best philosophy, to believe in miracles and to just keep living.

Life is a gift. Even if it is just a short time, we should live life gratefully and meaningfully.