another day has come and i dont know what to do, its seems like ive been on my bed mostly these days and i want to do something productive. i think there are a lot to be done but i mostly procrastinate and i also want to just do something fun or watch series there are a lot of times where i am tempted to just watch a series whole day , sleep, eat , and do it all over again. i just hope that maybe there would come a time that i would be doing what i want. ive been into painting for the past years and i stopped doing it all over again. it is not because of just being bored or im tired of it, its just that i have no inspiration to do it again, im not motovated to do it again, i have no idea or concept of what i should paint, its not the same anynore, i saw this particular video where depression could kill your wants in life. others experience that they have a hard time in swallowing their food, they have a hard time in eating, their body just wont accept the food that they eat. that must be so hard , maybe i have experienced that? or i just wasnt able to remember it altogether, i dont know. i just want others to knkw that they are not alone. i dont know what would make then feel better. all oi know is that ive been throufh so much that i experienced being tired and bored and not interested of the things that i used to like, that i used to enjoy, it doesnt feel like it any longer, it doesnt give me excitement anymore. until one time, i started to do it again, i started to gain a new hobby. i started to do things that i like again. i started to laugh, i started to smile, i stadmrted to be happy again, but this time, with mysf, it doesnt depend on anyone anymore and i think that is the greatest thing that ever happend, i started to love myself again, i started to gain confidence again, i started to believe and be happy with myself again. i dont know if i would need someone to be the source of my happiness, it just all fail at the end, i dont want anyone to ruin the confidence and happiness that once was lost because it is very hard to regaain it,its very hard to start all over again thats why i just want to take a break from all things, gokd thing its quarantine its the best time to heal myself and get over from all of these this may help me get over for all the things, well i know everything works together for good i know that all of these has a reason for happening though thats why i wont be sad , i know there is a light after all of these i know i will be haooy again, genuinely, i know i would be okay again i know i would be fine again and i cant wait for me to be able to truly experience happiness again where i would be able to say that this time, i am truly fine, that this time i could actualy say that i am fine now i could actually say that this time everything is fine , everytging is alright, i just wish that i would be able to say to these people to stop making me feel kike im useless like im not wanted , i dont want anything from them, its just that they would respect me, no i dont need their respect, i just want them away, i know there are a lot of good times with them , omygash i dontlike to remember it i just want to bury it in the past, why am i always like this why am i so weak, i dont like this, why do i treasure others so much why woukd i tend to prefer them and put them first and put myself aside i just want myself to be stome cold i dont want to feel anything anymore, i dont want to synphatize this time, i dont like to be empathetic anymore, i want to un know everything i dont want to be able to feel things and just be sad and hurt and feel pain in the longer run , i just want to have a happy life with happy memories but well, i know it doesnt come just in a snap, i want to have new people around me, i want to have new friends, new group of friends where i would be able to feel fine and they are the same vibes as me i know i would be able to find them, the right people to hang out with and i cabt wait anymore, i am just so excited to meet them, i am looking forward to it amidst everything that is happening roght now, atkeast im fine physically, atkeast im fine in my health, atleast im still brrathing, atleast im still alive and well and i couldnt be more thabkful for that because atleast im still alive, i just could forget the pain, the memory and the mental and emotional wellbeing coukd just be put aside, i know im still fine, i have my family