As the title suggests it deals with the emotional attachment between people. The first feeling of attachment is felt by children towards their parents. This has a lot to do about how we perceive emotional attachment and paves the way for romantic attachment later in life. Researchers have noticed that the way infants and children get their needs fulfilled by their parents, form the basis of their ‘attachment strategy’ for future life. It can decide why you get attracted to certain type of people and the type of relationship problems that pops up repetitively.
Types of attachments
Secure
The secure attachment types are both comfortable in showing affection and interest in others as well as equally comfortable being alone. They are able to prioritize their relationships and stick to the boundaries created by them. They are the best types of friends, family members and romantic partners. They are loyal, trustworthy and sacrificing when required and also good at accepting rejections and moving on.
Anxious
These types are often found to be stressed and nervous about their relationship. They look for confirmation, reassurance from their partners and have problem being lonely or alone. They are often prone to falling into abusive relationship and have trust issues. They can be over emotional, irrational and complaining type.
These types of girls can call you 50 times in a day and these types of men can follow you to see if you are not flirting with others of opposite gender.
Avoidant
They are independent, rational, and self directed type. They may avoid commitment and uncomfortable with intimacy. They will feel suffocated when others are trying to get close to him/her. They will have an exit strategy. This type of men works for 80 hours a week and will not like to date women more than once a week. This type of women will date dozens of men and will not be serious about any relationship and ultimately ditch them.
Anxious avoidant
They are the worst case scenario types. They will avoid intimacy and commitment and also lash out to anyone trying to get close. They are distrustful and spend a lonely life or in an abusive relationship. Only a small portion of people are like this and they generally suffer from various emotional problems.
Someone can be a mix of more than one type but there will be a dominant type. Like, you can be a predominantly secure type but under certain situation you may behave anxious type.
How is the attachment types formed?
As I said earlier the blueprint is made in the infant and early childhood stage from the parents. When we reach our teens then our friend circle and others who are outside our immediate relationship circle also affect us.
A secure attachment type has got full attention and care and affection from their parents. They are not paranoid about their shortcomings and can communicate their needs easily to others.
The anxious type nature is developed when a child has received love and affection but not fully and not always timely.
The avoidant type nature is developed when only sometimes the child’s needs have been cared for and most of the time it has been neglected.
The anxious avoidant types have had a highly neglected childhood. They have lacked the love and care when they needed the most.
The attachment matrix
The secure types can date and form a relationship with the anxious and the avoidant types. As they are good in adjusting to a situation therefore they can give the anxious type the reassurance they need and the avoidant type the space they need.
The anxious and avoidant types are more comfortable forming relationship with their own types or with one another. When it is a relationship between an anxious type and an avoidant type then only the anxious type will make the necessary effort to stick around and help the other type open up a bit more. In that case it becomes more of a chaser- chased relationship to create an emotional bonding and intimacy.
The anxious avoidant type will date his/her own type or maximum the least secure category of anxious or avoidant types. Such relations are messy and even abusive type.
So what type are you?
If you are avoiding your partner, not sharing your emotion and avoiding commitment then you may be the avoidant type.
If you feel that you need constant reassurance, if you feel that your partner doesn’t like you they way you like him/her, you are always worrying about your partner and want to be in touch always then you may be the anxious type.
If you are comfortable and accommodating in dating someone and also at ease with being alone, you understand your partner very well then you are the secure type.
There may be some individual difference but broadly you will fall under one of the types.
Interesting article