Life has a set drill. Childhood – teens- working age- retirement and old age –death (except for the unfortunate ones who die early).
The first 12 years comprising the early years are the best time. Then the teens, which is basically an age of transformation from childhood to maturity and job. A major part of our life is the working age which can be generalized as from 21 to 60. This is the most productive age and we become what we want to become. In between comes marriage and children. Retirement and old age is to enjoy the balance portion of our lives with the money we have made. Lastly it’s time to square off our position. This is applicable for most of us.
This comes in waves. One generation is born and then another and then another like waves in an ocean. All these waves are rushing towards the coast which is death. When in child hood and teens we are have our grandparents who leave us during our working age. Now we are the senior most among our family. The earlier generation is gone and the next generation has already come. Now we are closest to the coast but it’s still far. By the time we retire our children are married and are having children in childhood or teens. Now we are the old age grandparents waiting for our time to crash onto the shores. And likewise generations after generations of waves are rising and ending.
All these generations are tied by a thread of love and attachment that weakens with time. Grandparents and grandchildren have a very close relationship but when the grandparents are dead for a long time and we are busy in our working age then the memories fade and we hardly remember them. We get busy with our lives and commitments so much that now those relations start losing meaning to us. This teaches a valuable lesson – even the closest relations are not permanent and will fade with time. This will again be repeated when we are grandparents.
When our children will be in their working age and with a family then their focus will also shift. Though the bonding will be still strong but we would like to give then space to enjoy their life rather than disturbing them in the name of our relation. This is because we want them to succeed and flourish in their endeavor and we should not be an obstacle in it. It may be so that we will be meeting once or even twice a year but the love will be strong from a distance also. We would not like to a burden on them.
Our old age will be basically as an old husband and wife enjoying each other’s company until one reaches the shore. Then it is more of loneliness. The body may be so weathered that we may not be able to do our chores properly. Incidentally I have told my wife that in old age I would like her to go first as I don’t want her to suffer alone in this world. We never know how much our children will be able to look after us if we reach a stage where we have to depend on assisted living.
I see in India that there is a mushrooming of retirement homes. Old age couples sell their property and shift there where all basic amenities of old age are provided including medical care. All are of similar age group and therefore of similar mindset. All had a very good job in their working years and have amassed equally good money. All have children who are either in a foreign country or in another city pursuing their work mostly in corporate sector with an extremely busy life. In most cases both their children and spouse are working. These old age parents either doesn’t want be burden on them or may be the relation is strained or they don’t want to be away from their root place. The children visit them from time to time. The only problem is when one leaves leaving the other behind. I would not like my wife to be alone in old age, left alone to fend in this harsh world completely dependent on others.
These waves will continue unendingly with successive generations being forgotten in time as if we never existed. Personally I don’t have problem if no one remembers me even in my lifetime but this is not the case with many. I want the love and attachment to be the strength and not the weakness. If my utility is over I would not like to force myself even on my child. I would rather like him to be the bird soaring the sky without any strings attached. I would be happy seeing him from far with all my blessings. If that bird comes back to me from time to time it will be just a bonus.
Thank you Telesfor sir