The impermanence of relationships

Father is an important pillar in our life. In our part of the world he is generally the sole bread earner of the house. A mother looks after the whole household affairs. Father is revered more and mother is loved more.

From a boy’s perspective, we are generally more attached to mother. In the childhood father is taken more as awe, the one who goes out to work, has a big friend circle among colleagues, who fulfills our childish demands. Sometimes he lovingly loves and sometimes he strictly loves. He also keeps track of how we are doing in studies, controls our mischief. In a nut shell he is like the lighthouse giving direction to the family.

Except in odd cases it is this way only. A father’s love for his child compared to mothers love, though underrated but still it is as true and solid as the Sun. Especially in the growing ages he is the guide in all educational and outdoor matters. He is the one who prepares and propels us to the vagaries of the outside world; he gives power to the wings that will take us far in life.

He is the pillar on which we take support and then move on in our adult life. Even in our initial career he is a guide and advisor when we face problems.

Then a time comes he grows old and passes away.

Generally the man of the house goes first, the women outlives the husband. And that becomes the first death in our family. It is a shock to both the mother and the children, however old they might be. Though a few deaths may have happened in the extended family, but this is different. This is like a jab on the chin. If he has been suffering for sometime then it prepares us mentally for the impending passing away. If it is a sudden death, then the blow is huge.

It is almost 10 years that my father left this world.

When I look back to those nine years I notice a peculiar thing. Slowly the remembering reduces. Now he is boxed in a picture frame and memories linger on. But with time I actually remember him less. When alive we talked almost daily but now I think months go before I remember him. Even if the picture is there, it becomes just a cursory glance sometimes. But the actual remembering happens only twice or thrice a year. On his birthday and death day I put a garland on the picture.

It seems life has moved on and we have left him back at some point of time. My son was 10 years old then and now he is 19. As due to my service I stayed mostly outside, guarding the borders, so my son’s memory is limited to the yearly visit we had to our home. I asked him a few days back if he remembers his grandfather sometimes and he said no. May be they did not stay together for long, that’s why. He, in his youth is busy with his studies and friends.

Now I am playing the role what my father played with me.

I think that is the reality of life and the impermanence of relationship bonding. At one stage what seemed to be an integral and irreplaceable part of life, with time it fades away. Now the missing him part is gone, only a memory lingers on.

The day will come when I will take my father’s place and the same will be repeated again, and again, and again. Memory of a person is limited to one generation up and one generation down. After that it is only a name, and even after that the name also gets erased.

I think life is correctly meant to be that way, coming from thin air and going back to thin air- body wise and memory wise. Only that way life moves on, we cannot cling to the past and live. This has been repeated through ages. The world may remember someone for his deeds but within a family it is always going to be like this.

And this will be true for all types relationship bonding's.

Next will be my turn and after that my son’s. We all will be washed away like names written on the sands of time.

(Loosely based on my life experience with him)