Self esteem

The opinion you form about yourself is your self esteem. As that opinion is about you and no one else so it is better to sit up and take notice of it. Whatever you will do will get affected by your self esteem. But it is like tides in the ocean and never constant. You will have phases of low and high self esteem depending on the circumstances. Some of these circumstances will be under your control and some not.

A high self esteem is always good but one has to be careful not to be fooled by the mind as it can create an illusion of high self esteem. Similarly low self esteem for long periods can be detrimental to your work life social life and your health. Naturally a good self esteem will give you a positive feeling about yourself and a sense of confidence. A low self esteem will make you more critical about yourself and also make you lose your confidence.

Our experiences in life seriously affect our self esteem. Those having a difficult child hood and relationship issues are most likely to be affected by it. People who are more exposed to an environment where there is always tension in the house with no support from parents will get affected. When always bombarded with words like you can’t do it or you are good for nothing, are sure recipe for a low self esteem and usually have long term effect till the midlife. Similarly always being exposed to strained relations of any kind will put a person in his mental cocoon and will have real problem in forming relations later in age. Even our looks can be a cause of low self esteem.

Some ways to improve

1 Talk to you. As the whole self esteem thing is one's opinion about him so the first step is to have a candid talk with himself. Here it is important to be nice to yourself and identify the problem. If you can identify the source of your self esteem and realize whether it is real or your mental creation then only you can think of changing yourself. You can also jot down your thoughts here to have better clarity. A positive self talk is important. It is to accept that you have these issues but you are ready to do something about it. A negative bias like cribbing and blaming others will not take you anywhere. This self talk can be silent in your mind or even in front of the mirror as if you are talking to your mirror self.

2. Stop comparing. Every person is unique in his strength, weakness and experience so it is better to stop comparing yourself with others and feeling low. Our comparisons are always against other people’s success so it is bound to have a negative effect in us. I have read that Jordan the famous basketball player took to baseball after retirement and was not successful and was criticized also. The point is his strength was one thing and then he tried another thing. Same is with us also. We compare our self with others in a different parameter and cause only heartburn. There is a famous quote of Einstein in this regard.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish
 by its ability to climb a tree, it will live
 its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

3. Exercise. Because it requires to be self motivated and actually helps in improving focus in life and set goals. To overcome any mental or physical handicap it can be used as a remedy. Endorphins are released while exercising which makes a feel good factor.

4. Learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect always. We all make mistakes, without mistakes we don’t learn anything. These mistakes can be yours or it can be someone else’s which has affected you. We can learn both from our mistakes and others mistakes also. Accept it as a part of life and learning and move on. Just hit the control +s and save it somewhere in the back of your mind.

5. Focus your mind. It is easy to hit the pause button and hang on to things that are beyond your control. Instead focus on the things that you can change in yourself to get over the feeling and what you can do about it. You can make a list of things that are a hindrance on your path, the one you can change and the one you cannot change. Then focus on the ones that you can change and ways of avoiding what you cannot. Then you can write down your action plan on how you will change yourself based on this list.

6. Keep yourself happy and busy. You already know that quote about devils workshop and it is true. If you keep yourself busy then you will not have the time to consciously relate to your ‘low’ feeling. And try to keep yourself busy by doing things that make you happy. This will have a positive effect on your mind and body.

And don’t forget to celebrate small happiness and achievements. If you like gardening and your plants have started giving flowers or fruits, celebrate it. If you have cooked a new dish, celebrate it. If you have covered a new milestone in your running, celebrate it.

7. Help others. Try to be supportive and helpful to others, it boosts your self esteem. Even small acts can do wonders. If you find someone else who is also passing through similar phase try to support each other.

8. Have a positive surrounding. Keep company with good, positive people and need not to say, avoid the negative ones. This will help you to have positive thoughts about you also. And you can bank on these people whom you know will always be supportive to you.

This world is now a ‘dog eats dog’ world. Everyone keeps emotion back home when they go out to face the world. In such cases it is easy to fall in the trap of low self esteem. Always remember it is not a crime to have low self esteem. It is a state of mind which can be changed by a little effort from our side.