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A life long learner. The aim is to live with experiences not dreams.
1 month ago
In this age of internet and its overload of information everyone thinks he is an expert in some field, so even go to the extent of being having the misconception that he is jack of all and master of all. To make matters worse they also think that they need to have an opinion on everything and will try to voice them in every occasion, every time. And again to top that they think that there opinion is the correct one. With such a situation it becomes difficult to judge whether whom to approach for advice. A prudent person will however avoid these traits of advising others at the drop of the hat.
So what is that prudence which is to be kept in mind?
• Does he want your advice? This is the worst thing you can do- giving unsolicited advice, and many have this chronic disease. It is derived from some form of superiority complex; it can be due to age or doing a better job or considering oneself an internet expert. A matured and prudent person, who has been taught by life, will never do it. As you will not like being advised unnecessarily so is with the other person also, but more often than not we fail to put ourselves in their shoes.
• Are you qualified to advice? Are you qualified or do you have some personal experience in that field that makes you eligible to advice someone. Mostly it is not. The person you are advising may or may not notice depending on their state of mind but others who have experience will surely notice it. Anyone will ultimately be able to make out that you are beating around the bush rather than talking to the point. If you don’t have personal experience but have observed someone else in a situation then it is better to say that you don’t have the personal experience of handling it but you have seen someone in that situation and how he overcame it.
• Speak from the others perspective. When giving advice it is important to put ourselves in their shoes, understand their mental state and then say something. Do not behave like a snob and project your views and opinions and success on the other. Understand their situation and advice from their point of view, not yours.
• No psychoanalysis. This can aggravate the problem when you are trying to put forward his limitations and weakness. It is analyzing his personality rather than offering solution. If someone is an over negative thinker and always thinks that the world is always conspiring against him- if you tell that person that he is negative then he will not accept it and think that you are judging his character. This will make him more insecure. It is like saying to someone that you had a screwed up childhood and that’s why you have low self esteem therefore you are having such problems. Do you think it will help someone? Don’t judge anyone’s character
• Leave it to them. Once you have given your advice now leave it to them to accept it or not. If they find it useful and it resonates with them they will use your advice. If they don’t use your advice then don’t get upset about it as it is their life. Some people get upset when their advice is not taken and take it on their ego. They owe you nothing. You consider it as a gift given to someone and don’t expect anything in return. Also don’t make promises that your solution will solve the problems. Rather make him aware of the possibilities within the realms of uncertainties so that he understands that the advice may or may not work depending on the situation.
• Be a good listener. The person with problem will have a lot of pent up emotions inside which needs to be taken out. So whenever he is opening up, you should be a good listener. Some may be directly related to his problem and something’s may be totally unrelated to his problem, but still let him speak his heart out. When his emotional baggage will be out then he will be relaxed and will be more in a position to listen to you and understand.
It will be a good idea to make him aware that you are available whenever required and this is not just a one off session. Try to make him feel that you are genuinely concerned and want to help. This will boost his morale and give him confidence.