Compatibility and chemistry in a relationship

In our social world these two words are often used – compatibility and chemistry. People use these two parameters to decide whether the other person is their type or not, or whether they will get along or not. Especially this is applicable in the world of dating and forming relationship. Both the words are used interchangeably. It is used to find the common ground or discover the unseen connection between two people.

But both words have a different meaning.

Compatibility

Compatibility is having a harmony in the values of both person and they have a naturally aligned lifestyle. It means they have enough common ground which can accommodate the both the persons thoughts and values and therefore they can be together in harmony in most cases, without too many divergence.

For example a priest and a drug dealer will be incompatible always. If I value women who are educated and intelligent, and I meet someone who is a school dropout and a tomboy them most probably we will be incompatible and never get along for long time. Compatibility decides the long term potential between two people. Educated people will date the educated ones. A professional in a particular field will likely date someone from his field. Nuts will most likely date nuts. Compatibility is more like a measured relationship. People even use zodiac signs to decide compatibility.

Chemistry

Chemistry in relationship is a little difficult to define; it is more like an emotional connection between two people. It is more of a spark between two people. It is when two people have an unexplainable connection of trust and understanding in a relationship without the feeling of being judged. On need not think twice before voicing his opinion, for he knows that the other will understand it.

There is an underlying feeling of warmth and closeness and interpersonal attraction between two people. It is the feeling and longing to be with that person the maximum time. Chemistry is having a more intimate relationship at all levels than a compatible relationship. It is more like a connection of love or passion or a karmic connection between two people. Whether two people will be compatible or not can be somewhat predicted but whether they will have that chemistry cannot be predicted. It is like a mysterious zone.

In chemistry two people with opposite yet complementary qualities can be together. An introvert can have chemistry with an extrovert; a highly organized and go-getter person can have chemistry with a laid back and unorganized person. Two compatible people can lack the chemistry; in that case the intensity of attachment will be less, they may get along but things will be dull and boring.

We find more such cases of marriage where only compatibility is taken into consideration. In such cases marriage will last but the spark in relationship will not be there. On the other hand chemistry without compatibility can be a disaster in marriage. They are more likely to go through cycles of love/ hate relationship. Such relations start like an exploding geyser before dying down quickly.

Matrix

Now let us see what generally happens in various combinations of compatibility and chemistry:

1. Low compatibility and low chemistry- There will be no or very less intimacy at all levels. A relationship if developed will not last long.

2. High chemistry and low compatibility- When your heart says it is a good decision but your brain says something is wrong. The future looks bleak.

3. Low chemistry and high compatibility- Boring and monotonous relationship where both try to give a meaning to the relationship. The connection is more on practical level than on emotional level.

4. High chemistry and high compatibility – The ultimate combination – and they happily lived thereafter.

Before committing to a relationship or marriage it is important to understand what type of person you are and what you want in your partner, also, whether you are looking for a short term relationship or a long term one like marriage. Then you have to understand the chemistry and compatibility level you have with that person. It is always good to give time to it. If you are done with it then you will be in a better position to decide and will be able to avoid those break ups and messy divorces.