Meet Frenemy, a concept that can be both friend and foe

You have a friend whom you love and whom you think loves you too. However, your friend's behavior towards you is a bit erratic. At times he or she will praise you and act as if he or she will always support you, at other times he or she will subtly put you down, belittle your achievements, and when you are wronged, imply that you have done something to deserve it.

Beware, your friend may be a frenemy. Frenemy is a word formed from the synthesis of the words friend and enemy, and is used to describe people who approach us as if they are friends, but are secretly hostile to us. First coined by American journalist Walter Winchell in 1953, the term refers to relationships in which two or more people embody the roles of friend and enemy simultaneously. While Coyne et al. use the term frenemy as a starting point for discussing relational aggression, Wojcik and Flak define the term in the context of bullying and argue that a frenemy will abandon a bullied friend.

How can you tell if you have this type of friend? One of the most obvious characteristics of a frenemy is that they are in constant competition with you. If your friend sees you as a rival,

If he/she does not care about your feelings and treats them with contempt,

If his jokes leave a bad taste in your mouth,

If he talks behind your back,

If he/she does not rejoice in your successes,

Your friend could be a frenemy.

If we grew up in a home environment where we were not treated very well as children, it is not surprising that now, as adults, we find ourselves with a friend from the "frenemy" tribe. Let's look at the other side of the coin and ask the question: What might a frenemy be getting out of this kind of relationship? Maybe this person has self-confidence issues, and because of this insecurity they feel inside, the failures and unhappiness of those they pretend to be friends with, but secretly harbor enmity towards, may make them happy. Again, this person may have been emotionally or physically abused as a child and now, as an adult, they are exhibiting this kind of behavior. There are many reasons for being a frenemy and for having such a friend in your life.

Of course, we may argue with our friends from time to time, we may disagree with them. But in the end, friends should be people whose presence brings us happiness and supports us, don't you think? If you often feel unhappy because of a friend, it is worth reconsidering your friendship with them. If you think you have a frenemy in your life because of a traumatic childhood, do yourself a favor and consult a psychologist. I wish you a day when you always have true friends in your life...