hello how are you? I don’t have any news from you anymore ah, but anyways it’s ok, that’s just how life really is, something comes and goes as well. It seems like just when you came back into my life, I didn't pay attention at first because your number was not saved to me at that time, because of what happened a year ago when you never felt again akin.
When you came back, I got shocked because I’m not expecting you to know me, and still have a memory of what happened a year ago when I first met you. When you came back three months ago, I thought you would just say hello, and you will also disappear after like you did before, but no, you told me that you missed me that you have feelings for me ,, you keep all that feeling, knowing that I'm not healed from the past relationship I had when I first met, I was truly shocked at how you explain yourself to me, that what was your reason and it took you almost a year before you came back to me again and have the courage to talk to me and confess your feelings for me. You succeeded in getting me back into my life, because I allowed you to go into my life, easily but I know I made a good decision.
So after a few days of communicating with me I made our relationship formal, knowing you have the qualities that I’ve been looking for a guy and a partner. The next few days were fun, eventhough we didn't meet often, we still took the effort to be happy somehow as a couple.
Days, weeks has passed by, and still tender and still very sweet of our togetherness as a couple, up to one instance which is a bit oh not a bit I would say, if I was not really hurt, the first time you plan to go here, that time it hurts so much for me, because in that way I feel that I'm not important, I feel like I just don't exist, as if you said in front of me "who am I ??" but after sometimes and thinking too, I made you let go, I made you understand, because I love you because I don't want to lose you anymore. then, after a week you finally visit me here at the dispensary but just a moment and you have others with you, but for me it's ok un, I know how to live here in Saudi and I will understand if that happened. We continue the sweet relationship, building a plan for both of us, plan here plan dun, it has reached that you will almost invite me to get married. I thought there is no limit to everything, there will be no problem, but I don't know mostly every month we have a tantrum, I am the one who starts, I will accept that I am the one who really starts but with a reason, sometimes superficial but for me it is important because in a relationship, as I understand the relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend.
Here are some of the instances I get upset with, when you put me to sleep, and I can only talk to you for a while after your work. When you were still on the site, since you told me it was forbidden to bring a phone to the site, I understood, I can do nothing about it because it is company policy, so just talk when you get home to the camp and we will talk , my brain has also been conditioned for a few months with our set up, so I get upset when I talk to you for a while like an instance when you come I ask you if you have eaten, if not, I feed you first expected just a few minutes un , then you will call again so we can talk, there are instances because you just bought food, then on the way you met an acquaintance and spent almost half an hour talking, you came back to talking to me, It's only a little time and you're already drowsy, I have no choice if I don't put you to sleep because I know your work is still early the next day, you only have to sleep for a few hours, so in my care you even if I get hurt go ahead because it's a pity you too. When you sleep with me, it's been a few times, but sleeping alone is not too much of an issue for me, I know and I understand that you are very tired at work and when you come home you can really just lean on your sleep, it's just annoying because that's how it is for you even if I can't talk one day it's ok, which is opposite for me, I can't talk to you one day is like a suicide for me, I miss you so much after that, but what can I do that is our difference in work, so I care na lang.
One of the major issues we fought over was that you did not return to the camp and you slept on the site, I am sorry that you did not bring your phone, you do not know and memorized my number, but my point is if I am important for you, and you understood my concern for you, you would do anything just to get my number and to call me, at least reduce the anxiety I feel, I do not know what happened to you, if something bad happened , and whatnot, because I was at that time un, I will really make a way to get your number in the office just so I can have an idea if you are in good shape or not, that's what I will do just to reach out for you at that time un. But after that, I still suffer, I still understand you because I love you and part of the work that happened, so the instance is over.
Last and only recently we had a lot of fights, still communication, you told me that you can be transferred to your camp near your accumudation, and there you can use the phone, so I thought we would go back to before before when You are still a site where they still allow the phone to be brought to the office, but I made a mistake, it became even worse, because the whole day and night pass without me hearing anything from you, sometimes if I have not called you when I have free time I do not I can talk to you, taz I exploded once you fell asleep me again taz the next day a text or call at least I did not hear you, you know the feeling that I just do not have, I am a gf but it seems invinsible.
They don't just mean the meaning of a text, a call to me, in a text or call from you, it is very important for me because it signifies that you remember me, that you love me, that you are concerned about me that I am important to you, but you seem to have nothing, you just came from the shallowness of my reason, the shallowness of my anger.
For three months that we were together, I managed to give in lage, I always understood, understand everything you go through just to be happy to be with us, I hope I can handle everything, until the time comes We will be together normally when you come home to the Philippines, but I won't be alone for a long time, I will also get tired of understanding you, I would have been able to cope if at least a little effort came from you but nothing happened.
So my communication is important to me because first, we do not meet often, we do not get together unlike in the Philippines, we can see and be with you at any time, eh, we know that we are here in Saudi and the situation of just have a boyfriend because it is not allowed if the man and woman are not married together. I wanted to have a good and strong communication with you to work out our relationship, that even though I am far away you know and feel that I will not leave you and leave you, that my love for you is whole and sincere, that no matter what happens I am just here for you, whatever else you and I are going through, I am just here and I will love and support you. As you told me, we have only been like this until now and when the time comes for us to be together in the Philippines, we will pour everything we can not do here in this visiting place.
But with what is happening right now, it seems like we have only come here, your plans for me are gone, everything is gone, I don't know where I am now, there are many questions in my mind that I can't answer, I just feel right now I'm still hurting, I always ask myself why did you do this to me, why did you come back, why did you start again, if you just do this to me, I did not cheat on you, I did not take advantage of you, I did not play with you lang, bakit ??? Why ???
Maybe the things I did for you recently are suffocating, everything you hear from me is annoying, because the cheerful and tender Lisa you met has disappeared, she is tired, because until the end she can not feel her importance to you, she always feels I'm missing you, your avoiding me, your reasons why you don't want to have steady communication with me, I already said that in my text before, and I will say again, you are not hard to love, you have the qualities that a woman will like and look for in their partner, but if you yourself do not let that person enter your heart, eh he will not really succeed, he will really get tired of insisting on the door that does not want to open for to him, he has his own heartache that he went through in life not only you, I also have loved ones who also did not love me later, but I'm more willing to open my heart to those who come, give them a chance to take a place in my heart, even in exchange for the uncertainty that he will stay with me for a long time, because maybe when I make my heart too tight, maybe papa jesus has already given me to get tired and go beyond what I am not aware of, I will never be happy again. but for your side I can't blame you, maybe that pain truly hurts you deeply and your guarding yourself for another heartache, and I'm just unlucky that I experienced that, I'm the one who can't open that heart.
But this is all I have to say to you, when you came even though I don't know you very well I take a chance on you, expecting that you are not like other men here in Saudi that you are different, that you are serious, maybe in a way you are serious nga sa akin but hindi pa siguro siap ung puso mo mag take risk hindi pa siguro ako ung talagang ititibok nyan baka may iba pa, for me, minahal kita muntik na nga maging sukdulan eh, I did my best to ensure you na tunay ung perasaan I for you, I sacrifice mostly just to work this relationship, but it seems still lacking for you, I know you have family probs now, if your departure from me will help you go ahead I will accept that even if it hurts me so much leave me in the air, I do not know what my status is, what is the state of our relationship, please do not please one day when you have finished what you have to finish and come back to me and ask for my love again , I may not be able to give as I have already given sau ngaun, because my heart is so hurt by what you did, because even if I try to understand and understand the space you asked me for I still can't understand it, I don't know if when you come back, if you come back, I can love you again so easily, wholeheartedly, because this heart that you once own was truly destroy and little by little I am just building it so that I can be normal again and be ready for the next thing the lord will give me, if you un, it will take time maybe before I accept again, I will make sure that you will not hurt my heart again.
Finally, I'm wishing and praying for all the problems you are going thru, may god give you all the strength you needed to fix your problems, even if you did not choose me to lean on during these times it's ok, see you when I see you, I hope you will still meet me in the Philippines or somewhere else… .but we do not know if it is just a friend or a ka-i-bigan again, just be careful lage… see you….