Nobody Wants You

You have to go back to your hometown, said the senior in the capital city. You have to survive in the capital city, said the senior in the village. What does it mean? You are not welcome in the capital and you are not welcome if you return. There is no clear goal. You are just a pawn played in chess. Everyone has their own toys. You are a tool without a master like a reclusive samurai without a master.

For information to the reader that ronin is a samurai without a master, the life of a ronin is not tied to the lord or daimyo and the ronin devotes life to wandering in search of the true samurai path.

A true story about how a human being who does not have the right to achieve a dream.

Remember, No Way to Survive

Everyone has a reason to persevere. Everyone except you. Because you received permission to study. There is no permission for you to receive the same opportunities as most other people. You can stay in the Capital City. It is your life choice. But you can't expect more than that. Options only exist for most people except for you.

If you give up fighting You are a weak human. If you keep fighting, you're just doing a pointless job. Do you have someone who has the power to guarantee you? No promises for you. There are no guarantees in your business.

Every time there is a person, every person has a time is a real certainty for you to have self-awareness. You've been blacklisted for a long time. Since you admitted that you are a ronin. Fate is not on your side. Fate belongs to them other than you. What makes you believe that you have a reason to stay in the capital? Not a single reason.

The truth is, you have another reason. The only reason you stay in the capital is to stop doing the work you've been doing all along. You only have one more choice. You can only go to the market and sell something there. Besides, you can only take orders. If you resist, they have reason to punish you. The louder your voice the easier it is for you to get blacklisted.

Don’t Come Back, No Way to Go Home

Another option for you is to leave the capital city. Return to the city where you came from. The best choice for some people, but not the choice for your life. Because there is no way back home. You have no reason to accept a guarantee to choose. Because you are not the one to be chosen. Your friends are your enemies when you come home. So do you have a way back home? Do not dream.

When you find your way back You have to walk that path. But you have to remember something important. When you return to the city where you came from. So, you have prepared yourself to turn your friends into your enemies. They have prepared many ways to add your name to the blacklist.

A reason to return is just a family reason. That's the only reason you can use. Don't dream of taking what many people have been fighting for. because you don't have anything that deserves to make you have the right as one of the choices. You only have a home and family. But you have no more rights than that.

Believe It, You Are Noone

Are you someone smart? Do not be too confident. You are nobody. There are many people who are smarter than you. Who are you really to feel knowledgeable? Did you graduate from a famous college? Of course not. Do you have a lot of theory? Of course not. Are you a gastritis or a doctor? Of course not. Then, what makes you have the right to be elected? There isn't any.

Close your eyes and reflect on your life recently. Are you not aware. You've been dumped. When they talk and they change the subject when you come. It is proof that you are considered as trash that interferes with meetings. Are you not aware. When you sit in a chair in a meeting. You talk but no one is listening to what you are talking about. Actually you are just a toy.

Are you not aware too. When you visit those meetings. You are not considered a human. You are just something that completes the game. People think about how to laugh by toying with you. When you ask for help, you are only seen as a beggar, not someone who should get help. If you scream, they laugh sarcastically like insulting you. So shut your mouth and accept your destiny.

The Final Note

This is the life journey of a person who is late to realize the meaning of all this. This is a true story where you are me. That's right. Therefore, the only option to stay or go home is the family. I have to stop hoping. I have to stop waiting for an appointment. I had to stop asking for help. I have to stop to speak. I have to stop looking for trouble. I have to stop loving what I've been doing all this time.

Now I have to give myself some time. I have to accept this fact. I have to give love to myself. I have to think about myself. I have to give in. I have to raise the white flag. I have to apologize for the nonsense I've been saying all this time. I had to accept fate that I was nothing.