Prioritizing ourselves is not selfishness but a basic need

You know how on every airplane journey, you are warned to put on your oxygen mask first for yourself and then for your child; well, this reminder works in the same way as the empty glass metaphor. In other words: Focus on ourselves first. Otherwise, we can neither benefit ourselves nor anyone else.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture where focusing on ourselves first is considered selfish. Think about it, how many times have you gone to a meeting because you didn't want to offend a friend who wanted to see you when you just wanted to be alone with yourself? Or when you came home exhausted and all you needed was to put your feet up and rest, you hosted guests at home because you didn't want them to take it the wrong way? I'll tell you, many times.

While I had dozens of plans in my head for Saturday, which I had been looking forward to all week, I said goodbye to so many plans that I had dreamed of just so that I wouldn't offend others... What would have happened if I had said no. But of course, not being able to say no is another bleeding wound of our society. I try not to offend anyone, not to be offended, not to be misunderstood, not to be shameful, and then I realize that it's all gone from me. It turns out that I always filled it from an empty glass; out of nothing.

However, what could be as natural as taking time for oneself and prioritizing meeting one's physical and mental needs? So what if I wanted to put my feet up and read a book on a Saturday evening instead of spending it at home entertaining guests, or if I made plans to go out and hang out? Or if I stayed at home instead of attending a friends' meeting because I didn't feel energetic? Who cares about that, right? But unfortunately, most of us realize that the sad truth is not so.

So, can this cycle go on like this? Of course it can, but I don't think it should anymore. Otherwise, with the dozens of depressing news we are exposed to every day, the doom-mongers, the hardship, the wars, the negative developments, we may lose the strings of our minds that we can barely hold on to. Am I right? Today, when we fight a psychological war against ourselves every day, if we postpone the things that we enjoy, that give us pleasure, that make us feel good, what is the point of life? If we don't take care of ourselves, if we don't take care of ourselves, what are we doing?

When was the last time you focused only on yourself, without taking into account the needs, desires or what others want for you? I am sure it has been a long time. There is of course nothing wrong with thinking about our loved ones, wishing them well, trying to help them, but if we do all this while ignoring ourselves, ignoring questions like 'what do I want, how do I feel, what do I think about it', then there is a problem.

In order to take action on this issue that haunts the minds and hearts of most of us, of course, I will talk about what we can do to focus on ourselves and prioritize our needs in the rest of the article, but I cannot not mention one more issue: Self care; that is, personal care. You know that self-care topic that we come across in thousands of areas, from Tiktok posts to YouTube videos, from Instagram posts to reels, where all famous names and phenomena produce content from skin care to meditation, from makeup to exercise types, don't you think it is perfect in theory but very difficult in practice? I wonder, in today's culture of urgency and busyness, in today's society that cannot say no and lives with 'no shame', don't we sometimes rush around even while taking a shower? Or am I the odd one out?

On a Sunday morning, I really want to apply my creams for minutes, take a long bubble bath, light my candle and sit for hours without doing anything else, but I can't. Either someone is calling, or someone is coming, or someone has a job, a plan, and all these self-care things I've been thinking about for so long are a lie. I mean, I can't do it. Then what happens? Then, of course, it goes away from me again. There is no such thing as well-being.

So, the thing to do is clear: Prioritize yourself. Yes! If you have similar situations in your life, you can do something to take a step before it's too late and turn the compass towards yourself first. If you think about all these things or think about them once in a while, don't worry, you are not selfish. You are just realizing that you deserve at least as much time and energy as you spend on others.