First of all, I want to start from a story that I came across while doing research on the subject. A woman complains that things in her house have disappeared for a while and then suddenly appear in their old places. She can't find them when she looks at their location, but the items later appear in their old places she. In fact, while she was buying the chocolates in the drawer every morning before she went to work, she could not find these chocolates on the spot one morning.
She shares this situation, which she cannot understand, with her lover with whom she lives. Her lover always said, “No, they were always there. You install by yourself. " and whenever they talk about it, a tension arises between them. This happens so often now that the woman really doubts herself. In fact, about this situation, "I wonder if I'm setting up all these myself, is something happening to me?" she even thinks. So she starts researching on the internet. At that point she encounters the term "gaslighting".
Gaslighting is actually making one question the reality of the other person with various tactics in order to gain more power. This situation is also a form of manipulation. The person first gains the trust of the other person and becomes a reliable source for them. Subsequently, he tries to impose what he says, which is the most reliable source, by questioning his reality with various games.
In the continuation of this story I mentioned, the woman has a hidden camera connected to the house after learning. She does indeed see things being replaced by her boyfriend she, and this is ending the relationship she.
What Are the Symptoms of Gaslighting in a Relationship?
The problem with gaslighting is that when we're exposed, we feel very confident in the other person, not in ourselves. For this very reason, we cannot realize that we have been subjected to manipulation. So how can we spot this? What are some gaslighting techniques like?
They tell very outright lies. When they say it, you know it's not true. But it is so obvious that you can't possibly imagine it to be a lie and start to believe it.
They claim that they are not saying what you are sure they said. But this happens so often that after a while you start to doubt your memory.
They criticize you often and cause your self-confidence to be damaged. However, they rarely compliment them, so that they hide their frequent criticism. This happens so slowly and deeply that you cannot even notice the situation like a frog with warming water!
They give examples of supporters of their criticism. “Your family thinks you are too! "Your friends are aware that you are bullshit too!" In this way, you start to question your own reality.
They say that you are to blame for the problems between you. They make you question where you went wrong, make you think you were problematic, and even make you think you lost your mind.
Also,
* If you find yourself apologizing often
* You are constantly confused, if you are looking for the blame on yourself
* If you are questioning whether you are good enough
* Even if you think you are more confident and self-respecting before meeting this person, you may be exposed to gaslighting.
What Should We Do If We Are Getting Gaslighting?
Many people with this condition ask, “What are the treatments for gaslighting? How do I get rid of gaslighting? " can ask questions like. Let's take a look at what we can do on our own to overcome gaslighting.
The most important step is to recognize the situation. Because as we mentioned, we are generally unaware of this situation. However, although we, as the living party, may not be aware of it, our environment can sometimes observe this situation. If you have recently received warnings about your partner's behavior from your environment, you can talk to them in detail to raise awareness. Also, if you have experienced the methods we mentioned with your partner, you can also see this blog as an opportunity to gain awareness.
Take note of your experiences. It is very difficult to get into daily conversations with the person applying gaslighting to you. Because in this case, you may doubt yourself because reality is distorted. At this point, keeping a diary and taking notes of your experiences will prevent you from getting distracted. In this way, if you doubt yourself about the event you experienced, you can read the event as you first experienced it and recorded it.
Practice mindfulness practices. Mindfulness, also known as Conscious Mindfulness meditations, help you develop awareness of the moment you live. Most of the time we live our daily life on autopilot. As we rush around at our tempo, we miss our experiences in the present moment. Bringing awareness to these experiences helps us see the details we're missing at that moment.
You can practice various Mindfulness meditations to improve your conscious awareness. I add one of these meditations to the description section and to the right of the screen. (We can put one of the old meditations to the right and left of the screen.)
Do not relate to yourself what is told to you. The gaslighting situation you experience does not happen because you really are "troubled, crazy, always making mistakes". The situation arises from the need to feel power in the hands of the other person at all times. Do not reconcile with yourself all those sentences, words, situations that will make you doubt yourself. Instead, realize the other person's need for power. In this way, you can approach yourself more neutrally.