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I felt at home for the first time in my life

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Written by   5
2 months ago

One day, many years ago, I dreamt I was in a strange place. It was a deserted, quiet place by the sea. After wandering the streets like a ghost for a while, I found myself on a path leading to the cliffs overlooking the sea. When I stopped at the beginning of the path and looked, I realized that there were some shadows on the rocks.

I walked that path with caution and some fear. The sun was pale, not warming, but its light painted the sea in a golden hue that I loved so much. The air was beautiful, as if it didn't exist. And as I got closer to the cliffs, somehow, perhaps for the first time in my life, I began to feel at home.

When I finally reached the shadows, I discovered that they were a group of people sitting on the rocks. Twenty or thirty people with red hair, green hair, their denim jackets decorated with safety pins and badges, silently watching the sea...

As I stood there watching them, I felt my heart fill with love. Then I realized something that made my skin crawl. I don't know how or how I knew this, but they were not human beings. They were sea lions disguised as humans.

I must have made a strange noise because at that moment, one by one, they all turned to look at me. There was a pure love in their eyes that I had never seen before, not even in my own family. It was unconditional love, they saw me as I was. And in that moment I realized: they were my real family and I was one of them. I was a sea lion in human form. I had always been a sea lion in human form.

I smiled as I walked up to them. I had never felt so happy in my life. Finally, finally, I was where I belonged. When I sat down among them, on the rocks, I felt wrapped in love.

Then we continued to watch the sea together, without speaking, smiling at each other in the pale sunlight. And I was so happy that I had finally found the source of that feeling of not belonging anywhere that I had been experiencing all my life.

Yes, I could finally explain this feeling. All my life I had never felt like I belonged anywhere, because I belonged to the sea, to the sea, to these people. I had finally found them, here. I was finally here, and I was never going home again.

When I woke up, my face was wet with tears. I must have cried in my sleep from happiness. I waited a few minutes to recover, then I put my emotions aside and started to think about the meaning of my dream.

Sometimes our dreams have no meaning. Even Freud admits that. But sometimes they speak to us. They show us what is important to us. That's when we need to listen to them.

This dream was talking to me. It was telling me to find my family. To make a family for myself. My own, chosen family... I could understand it clearly, I just didn't know how to do it, because I didn't want a family of mother, father and child.

I felt alone in those years. I thought I would be alone forever, alone in a crowd where I was unloved and unloved. But it didn't happen that way. I didn't stay alone forever. Gradually, I got rid of that crowd and started walking alone on a quiet, lonely path. And eventually I fell in love with this path.

I met them when I was happy with myself in my solitude. When I finally felt myself to be a complete human being. They were half human and half sea lion like me, in short, they didn't belong here. When we found each other, our eyes shone like stars. We were never going to be crowded, but we would always take care of each other. And so it was, we were never separated after that day.

I know I will continue to hear the song of the sea in the depths of my heart for the rest of my life. But at least I know that I am no longer the only one who hears this song. There are others like me.

We have become each other's mother and child over time. And with them, I don't need to be afraid, because I know: I can actually overcome any challenge that life will throw at me.

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Written by   5
2 months ago
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