A couple of weeks ago, a good friend and coworker suggested that I read a post on Instagram about the childhood wounds that haunt us as adults, the truth is that I felt quite identified mostly with the points published by Psychology Betsy Espinoza.
I am the daughter of divorced parents, and although I did not want my children to go through the same situation that I lived (and live) as a stepdaughter, because also due to life circumstances, I also divorced and I am trying to make my daughter live a less traumatic experience , a very different one from mine.
The most prominent emotional wounds that were named in the post are the following:
1) REJECTION:
* In my childhood: They did not accept me as I was
* How do I reflect it as an adult? I feel like everyone rejects me, that I don't belong anywhere. When I feel like this I run away, hide and isolate myself.
My personal experience: My mother married a man much older than her (20 years apart) he did not make a real effort to make a cordial relationship with me or my sister, who at that time we were girls. He was always surly and compared us (he still does) with his children, making us feel like little, that feeling of rejection for a child, and without support in the immediate environment, it is too much to carry.
2) ABANDONMENT:
* In my childhood: I had distant parents, emotionally or physically.
* How do I reflect it as an adult? I do everything possible so that they do not abandon me. I indulge, I adapt and I lose myself in the other. I prefer to tolerate toxic reactions instead of being alone.
My personal experience: In my childhood and adolescence my biological father was absent, my sister and I saw him very little because when my mother got married we moved to a city quite far from where we were born (we lived 18 hours away by road). My mother took refuge in her work, so we practically grew up alone at home, in a situation like this, any child feels unloved and when someone shows a little affection without thinking about it, they cling to that person, basically that was what What happened to my ex-husband, he was my first boyfriend, I allowed him and put up with many things that today I cannot tolerate anyone.
3) HUMILIATION:
* In my childhood: I was ridiculed and ashamed of me.
* How do I reflect it as an adult? I cancel my needs and focus on pleasing others. The guilt and shame I feel prevent me from accepting and caring for myself.
In my personal experience: as a child and a teenager I suffered many humiliations because my parents divorced and my mother's husband said that nobody loved us because we were useless and that is why my father abandoned us, those harsh words marked my sister. and me at that time. Now with all the time that has passed it makes me laugh because the man is divorced and if I did not serve what could be said about his children then hehehe, now I play deaf and focus on me and my daughter.
4) TREASON:
* In my childhood: They did not fulfill what they promised me.
* How do I reflect it as an adult? I have to control everything that happens around me, I am constantly in hypervigilance. I am very demanding in my relationships, I do not trust, I am afraid that they will lie to me.
In my personal experience: I believe that it is not necessary to be a child or adolescent to experience betrayals and to feel disappointment, that is why as adults we become controllers and we want to be in control of all aspects of our life and that of those close to us that we love. With the blows that life gives us we learn that it is not healthy to beg for affection or love, whoever does not want to be with you or accepts you with your virtues and defects, hurts you or tries to change your way of being is better to let it go.
5) INJUSTICE:
* In my childhood: They were cold and authoritarian with me.
* How do I reflect it as an adult? I demand a lot of myself, I think I am appreciated for what I do and not for what I am (or when I am only in a certain way). It is difficult for me to commit myself, I fear to be wrong. I hide what I feel.
In my personal experience: In my childhood, adolescence and well into my young adult stage it was very marked by the injustices of third parties who entered my life due to the bad decisions of my parents, that made me grow up as an insecure person, I had low self-esteem and I did not live my life the way I wanted, but I did many things and I repressed others for pleasing others at the cost of my own happiness. The experiences lived have given me the necessary wisdom and now I look after my well-being, for my own happiness, I do what I think is convenient for me and not for the convenience of others.
We must bear in mind that when we have children, their life and personal well-being depend 100% on us parents, especially in their first years of life. They tell us that we should be selfish and always put ourselves in 1st place but not with that you are going to ruin the life of another, especially an innocent that he did not ask to come to this world, much less to suffer.
Lead image was taken from the website pixabay.com
