Pray for your Heart

Do you pray for your heart? Most of us pray for others heart, like - we're praying that people that we love will love us back, it's either a Friend, a family or a lover. We also pray that those people who hurt us or causing our heartache change theirs and ask for forgiveness. What if they don't? What if the people you care about and you love won't love you back? What if those people who hurt you won't ask for forgiveness? What will you do?

If my bullies have in the mood to bully me when I was a kid, I just go home , listen to music, create my world and day dreaming. After I finish my homework and have more time, I listen to music,create my own world and day dreaming. After I help my mom on his take home work and household chores, I listen to music, create my own world and day dreaming. That's how rich I am, I have my own world 😂. Actually, that's my routine just to escape in the reality that my heart is not ok because of some people hurt me at the very young age.

I carry the burden that eats me for how many years, and busy avoiding my bullies to bully me. Maybe that's why my first dream was to be a wrestler, because I want to wrestler them 😂. Music and day dreaming - those routine save me from sadness. What am I day dreaming? I am Alex in the series of "the secret world of Alex Mack" 🙈😂. And all the music that I listen to is my soundtrack. 😝😂.

If you're interested to know what kind of TV show it is, here's the link .

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Secret_World_of_Alex_Mack

It's a comedy and slightly thrilled, she has a funny guy best friend, helpful sister and a cute guy crush,which I am imagining that I have one too 🙈🤪.

I keep doing that routine as my anesthesia for my heart that always aching because of those people who hurt me and keep hurting me. Maybe at the back of your mind- why not pray for them? I did. I prayed that I hope they realized that what they did to me was wrong. I prayed that they asked a forgiveness from God, I prayed that I hope they can sleep at night despite what they're doing to me or what they did to me, I prayed that what they did to me won't happen to them, and sometimes I pray that karma will hit them, so that they will have an idea how painful I was when they wronged me 😂✌️. Or atlist God touch their hearts so that they can ask an apologies from me and their conscience won't bother them.

But you know what's funny? I'm the one who praying but I'm the one who suffering by torturing myself. I am praying that despite what they did, they can sleep in peace , rest in peace 😂✌️jk. But I'm the one who have sleepless night. I am praying that their conscience won't bother them, but I'm the one who have anxiety. I also pray that atlist they feel what I am feeling so that they will have an idea how painful it was, but I'm the one still hurting. I am praying to the heart of those people to be cleanse, but I'm the one who need it. They enjoying their lives while me still suffering because my heart can't forgive them and it's wrapped of my bitterness.

Why we're always like that? When someone we know that wronged us, we pray for them and hoping they'll know how painful it is and expecting an apology from them. Why not pray for our own heart to soften enough to forgive them even they don't ask an apology? And strengthen it enough to face another trial?

That's what I did 2 decades ago ( don't count my age 😂). When I saw all people who wronged me facing another day with a smile, enjoying their whole days with their love ones, hearing them laughing with their friends and going to church praising God. While me, eating my bitterness, living in the fake world (day dreaming), pointing them that it's all their fault why my childhood become miserable, don't go to church, and let evilness running on my head. I prayed for my heart. I prayed that give my heart strength to forgive them and have a happy heart. The process is long and painful but it's worth it. I didn't face it alone, I face it with God and let Him to handle my heart with care.

So every time that I feel someone wronged me, I always pray for my heart, because it's too sensitive and fragile and asking to give me enough understanding and wisdom. If those people wronged me didn't ask an apologies it's their choice not mine.

Did I still day dreaming? Yes🤭 .. I already become a girlfriend to Nick Carter of backstreetboys, Justin heartley as green arrow of smallville, Jerry yan of F4, Korean actor song joong ki and Chinese actor Wallace Huo 😂😂😂, my heart is a play girl lol 🤣.

Feel better... For real ❤️