Our World is Losing it's Balance
This picture was taken in an urban area here in Nigeria. Looking at the houses built on the right side, we'd see clearly that the occupants are doing well.
Yet on the other side of the street is a slum, houses with no proper roofings. No drainage system so it's flooded. It is obvious life has no balance in this area.
The only form of balance we knew to life was that of "good or bad" more good-less bad and more bad-less good.
There used to balance and tranquility in our country, like the picture above, where the big stones represent the rich and the small stones report the poor. We all need each other to keep our world Balanced.
Imagine what will become of this world if all big stones were on the right and the smallest ones on the left. Just as you think - it will crumble.
So let's get this message across the world, segregation by means of wealth isn't what we need in our communities. What we need is love, peace and harmony.
Like the Indomie noodles advertisement; To me! To you! ITS UP TO US TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!
A PLACE WHERE WE CAN LOVE, WHERE WE CAN DANCE or SHARE, WHERE WE SM LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE AND HARMONY. IT S UP TO ME, TO YOU, ITS UP TO US TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.
The D before the Evil (D-EVIL)
May the blessings of Allah be upon the prophet Muhammad (S.A.W). Bismillahi Rahman Raheem.
Seeing a letter "D" could instigate different kind of words starting with letter D into our minds. But there's one which we have overlooked it's negativity and is been taken as a norm in our community.
Shaitan the interdicted also known as Iblis, the Demon now who has taken the act of evil up, whom we now refer to in English language as the D-evil (demon of evil or Dajjal).
Almighy Allah had blessed Iblis but due to pride he lost his position as a senior angel and was degraded below man. Today Man fears the devil, so live for the devil while some others worship the devil.
Today Iblis controls jinns also now as evil spirits and together they carry out their menace with aim of leading humanity astray.
True believers of Allah and True followers of the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) and other Noble Prophets (A.S.W) i.e Muslims l, have been given rights over these set of unpredictable evil advocates.
We are blessed with invocation from the Holy Qur'an and also invocations from the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H). Examples;
Bismillahi Rahman Raheem- Prayer to be said before beginning any activity.
1. Bismillahi Tawakalitu hallalhi La'hawla walakuwata Illa bihlahi- prayer to be said before setting out on a journey for a safe journey in sha Allah.
2. A'uthu bi'ithathi lahi wakudratihi min Shari ma ajidhu wahuhadiru- prayer to be said when feeling uneasy.
3. And even more from the Holy Qur'an including Rabannas e.g Robbana attina fiduniya asanatan wafil ahkirati asanatan wakina ahsabannar. And many more from the Qur'an.
4. Especially- A'uthu bi lahi mina shaitani rajim
May Allah make staying on his path easy for us. Amin
Alhamdullilah.
How To Make Your Wallet Fat
What do you expect other than a fat wallet...?
Every man has a dream or had a dream of keeping their wallet fat, so have achieved it, some are still working tirelessly, some are have accepted their fate and have gotten tired of trying while some have never done nothing but to complain.
The Way to success is through work, whether it's work -someone does for you, you do for yourself, you do through people or you met already done, all that matters is that the returns comes to your wallet.
Keeping the wallet fat is also a challenge. Spending is vital, expenses are like slim teas. Whether a fat wallet or thin one, all wallets drink expenses or rather I should say Expens-tea.
Categorically, little do we know how our neighbours have done it, how that uncle has remained rich, what he has gone through, what he's going through and what he is about to step into. But our desire to be in that same shoe without plans over works our wallet.
Spending unnecessarily money earned by hard means. Is an extra adversity on a wallet.
So here are a few tips-
Sleep less but sleep well
Work smart and minute time by asking for help on work when necessary
Request for advice from people who have what you want to get
Be smart with whom you share you ideas with and those who you pay for help
Keep away from unsure fast routes to wealth
Meditate about what you want and how to get it for at least 30min every night before you sleep, and when you wake up jot down what ever idea comes to your mind and review afterwards.
Keep smiling and know that good times are coming
Pray for yourself, those before you, those around you and those coming after you
Think smart, Think safe
Content by @Zizi
Kisses to @mazee Regards to @Phronesis Thank you to @Read.Cash
Becoming a Time Keeper
The solution you've always wanted to achieve your dreams, to get that enough money, to make your family happy, to be in peace with your existence- is "Time".
What is the true meaning of TIME?
Time is a tool of the creator and a security for the creation. Time has been in existence before Time so what meaning have you alleged to Time. Even Wikipedia has no definite meaning to time
Time isn't just the result of you looking at your wall clock, or looking down at you wrist watch or your smartphone. Time is Everything, Time is Life, Time is Growth, Time is Power, Time is Money, Time is Wisdom, Time is Knowledge. That is why there is a common saying -"with time, everything shall fall in place".
Time is factor at which everything in existence after time is measured.
Becoming A Time Keeper:
Being a time keeper = Fulfilling your Purpose
The train of event to achieving one's purpose, from before birth to childhood, to adolescence, to teen-age, to adulthood, till death and oblivion is all the Time we have.
Our purpose in this world should be our only objective, but society, traditions, rules and policies have caused distractions, causing us to lose and fit out of our time space.
A boy is alive, grows to become a Man following the trend of his father and ends in the same way he had come into existence. Nothing to give- he has consumed his limit without giving back to where it came from.
Come, live, fulfill and go- That is the rule but we all skip the third phase and go. Let us get back to the natural trend of C.L.F.G and save time the stress of repeating itself. This way we keep time, we keep peace, we keep love, we escape oblivion and we live forever as TIME KEEPERS.
Find your purpose today and live meaningfully.
Content by @Zizi
Qualities of Solat
As-salam alaikum waramotullahi Wabarakatu, today I'll like to share some significance of Solat.
The Obligatory prayer "SOLAT" is a blessing upon us and it's recorded that the Five Obligatory Prayers were made in the night of the Prophet Muhammad's (P.B.U.H) ascension to heaven.
It is also in record that the actual numbers of prayers were 50(fifty) but by Allah's Mercy it was reduced to 5(five) after the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) was convinced by the Prophet Musa (A.S.W) that 50 was too much for humans. And alhamdullilah it was reduced to 5.
Below is the table of Rakah for Solat!
Requirements for Performing SOLAT
One should be in a state of cleanliness (or perform Ghusl)
One needs to be dressed well. Covering all parts of your body necessary to be covered.
Wuduh: Also know as ablution(purification), one should renew ablution before every solat.
Another requirement is to face the Qibla. This is a form of unison for all Muslim.
Qiyam- standing to pray, staying clear away from distractions.
Followed by - Niyat and the components of solat( Takbiratul Ihran (Allahu Akbar), Duration Fatima, Rukhu, Sajda, Last Tahyyat and Salutations to the right and left side).
The Qualities of Solat Include;
Helps ensure the remembrance of Allah in the right way.
Reminds us of the judgement day (Yawma'l Kiyama)
It purifies our heart from sin
Helps improve our character
Makes our day fruitful, fulfilled and blessed
Helps increase our hygiene
I'll share a quick story below,
Story 1:
Story 2:
From history, we see that prayer is a determining factor to winning in this Dunya(Earth).
I've come to the end of this article may Allah make performing Solat easy for us. Amin
*Please note*: There is no escape for solat.
Key Words: Peace be upon him(P.B.U.H), Ahleyhi Salatu Wasalam (A.S.W)
Rise in the use of Sneakers.
Did you notice the latest trend around the world, especially here in Africa is the use of the popular class of foot wear called SNEAKERS.
Usually in 9ja, we have Aba made foot wears but today, our class has changed, almost everyone wears exotic foot wears. From Music stars to Movie Icons, to politicians, our Armed forces special units, even market women aren't excluded from this list.
It's great to see the fashion trend around here evolve. But with the hope that we don't forget our cultural attires.
More grace to the Importers and Pre-order sellers who really made it up to buyers during the Break.
Let's all rock our set of Sneakers in style and accord, one love.
Zizi.
Foods Available in Southern Nigeria
You say food..? Yes, Food.
Food is a necessity to living almost in the same class as breathing air and drinking water.
There are more than a million varieties of Food in Nigeria as a whole. But for this article, we'll narrow it down to the southern part of Nigeria. Yoruba Food.
Yes I'll start with swallows, it's going to be a long list, you can add which ever you or which you like best or even pick tell about a soup you know in he comment section too.
Amala, Lafu, Lebu, Eba, Fufu, Iyan, Moi Moi, Ewa-Aganyi, Isu at EPO, Eko ati Akara and many more.
Soups include; Gbegiri, Egusi, Obe Gbure, Efo Riro, Ila, Ewedu and so many more.
Every culture, tribe, ethnic groups with diverse dishes.
I love my Naija.
Azunmi Pro, LLC
Azunmi Pro, LLC
This company was created September 18, 2018. After a long break of doing nothing at home. I decided to put my skills to good use.
Registered with the Corporate Affairs Commission. Tax Identifier available, VAT inclusive.
The company services are:
Realty Services- Property Management, Sales and Purchase of Landed Properties and Investment in Landed properties.
Travels and Tours Services- Pilgrimage Consultant (Hajj, Umrah, Jerusalem and Rome) and
Commodity Merchandise- Interior Arts and Crafts (Wall Papers, Wall Frames, Canvas, Framed and Canvas Paintings, Islamic Wall Arts and many more)
We also provide process Forex Classes, Freelance Photography Services.
We company accept for Financial Payments 😁 Cryptocurrencies, Bank Transfers and other Legal Tenders.
We anticipate your patronage and References. Stay safe.
Best regards.
For: Azunmi Pro, LLC
Road bum!!
What are the real uses of Road bumps..?
To slow vehicles down..?
To blow speedy vehicle tanks..?
Or rather to help the hmmm hmmm hmmm.. achieve their desires.
Lol
In Sha Allah!
Yes, we should talk about this. Like seriously, it has become very common, even non-muslims use the phrase. Very nice though, but the root of it isn't know to most of us.
The phrase means "If God Wills and it originated from a Quranic command which obligates Muslims to use it when speaking of future events.
Reason behind this, is to let us know that no matter what ever our plan might be. The success of such plan or plans depends on the Will of Almighty Allah.
For instances: I will do what I can to finish the painting tomorrow. ❎
And
I will do what I can to finish the painting tomorrow, In Sha Allah. 😊☑️
Thereby leaving your future into Allah's Mighty Hands. Which is safer, because in case of any casualty or inability to meet up with your agreements, Allah's Will has come to pass.
We should make this part of our daily phrases and stay clear off making Promises. Never forget that :" Man Proposes, God Disposes".
Love 4 Money
This statement is usual around here, but who ever is at the receiving end puts up a guard to defend their self-esteem. With response "I really don't like money" but you do and just seem scared to accept the fact that you do which makes you a better person. Because you know what you want.
The love for money is important especially in our world today. Money is what drives the economy, money is what keeps a home together, money is what makes a man and money helps better your chances of growth.
I love money, so I do get my chances and I take them legitimately.
But know that overcrowding your mind with this kind of love can be destructive. A mind that can control itself, has the ability to control money. And money is money gain, spent, given, saved or invested.
"Money they say makes the world go round", I'll leave this last point. If you are not making money, you are making no sense.
Nigeria (Heart of Africa)
Pronounced 9--- G--- Rare
The 9- Just like a cat has nine lives.
The G- as it's prefix for Good, Great, Genuine, Glorious, Genial, Genius, Gorgeous, Growing and a Green Nation.
The Rare- Heart of Africa, Giant of the Black Nation.
Nigeria, just like every Independent Nation got her Independence in the Year 1960(October 1st) from colonial rule.
A terrace of pure landscape, with food, water, games and possibilities. Beholding beneath a scare phenomena of rare resources.
Dominated by Three Major tribes (Yoruba, Hausa and Igbo) with several diverse cultures. Products of which have spread around the world.
Every now and then, we beat in one accord as the heart that we are. The toughest of minds always on the move like blood pumped through arteries.
Oh Mother Nigeria, what has thou become, your name entering every black book of creations. Seeking for the best but acknowledged insufficient.
May the Universe find ease to your pain.
The table shall turn, Great Nigeria.
Content by @Zizi
Bottle Water
I was at the market to buy water, a friend saw me and was like "WA TER (what are) you doing there?" So I told him, I came for water but due to the demand, I already "BOT TLE"(bought all).
Keep Your Head Up
You are no alone! You are not alone!! You are not alone!!!
These words are meant to re-kindle a weak spirit , to help improve the blossom ability of every living soul. But little are they used, until something is wrong. Thereafter we result to riots, protests starting peacefully and ending in unspeakable ways.
This article is being written for you. Know today that with every step you take, you are not alone! dare to ask for help when you need it. Not just from one person, but from several cause you'll never get "NO" from all of them.
The world is wicked they say, but I tell you "Good People Exist" and I am one of them. So don't get shaken by what you seen, don't join the bandwidth of "the wicked" there's more to live than to give what you get. You can do better by making the world better starting from you.
Let's sit up, make changes to our thinking. Things will get better. Stan for progress, stand for the greater good of humanity. You are not alone...
Keep your head up!
Hajj Y2020
Notwithstanding the effect of the pandemic in the world as at today. We've come to realise that we human are helpless. For centuries we've amazed ourselves with tactics to fight for power. Always moving to be ahead of each other rather than lending a helping hand.
The pandemic has obviously affected all facets of life, Religious, Financial, Educational, Social and even the mental being of our everyone.
One big thing we look forward to is the Hajj for this year, hoping that Allah (S.W.A) grants us ease to perform pilgrimage (Hajj) which is a key pillar of Islam.
Just like every other country in the world, Saudi Arabia- which is blessed with the site for the Holy Pilgrimage is also faced by the challenges being fought by the rest of the world.
We've heard that they are doing their best to help make the Holy Pilgrimage possible after Umrah was suspended since the outbreak.
To all the Muslims out there, for those who have prepared for the journey, for those who have intentions to perform Hajj Y2020, for those who make the Holy Pilgrimage their form of Sadaqa. May Almighty Allah reward you, for your intentions and deed.
And we pray for Allah's Mercy in form of a relief for the Corona Virus(Covid 19). May Allah shower is Grace, Mercy and protections on all Muslims out there, and may He accept our act of worship as Ibadah.
May peace and blessings of Allah be upon the Noble Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W).
THUMA AMIN
As-salam alaikum waramotullahi Wabarakatu.
Work this!!
Jossy, Obi and Job are partners. They share profits and losses in the ratio 2:2:1 respectively. For the year ended 31st December 2005, the following information is obtained;
The capital accounts remained fixed at Jossy N6,000; Obi N4,000 and Job N2,000
The current accounts balances at 1st January 2005: Jossy N1,200; Obi N750 and Job N480.
They have agreed to give each other 10 per cent interest per annum on their capital accounts; 5 per cent on drawings and in addition to allowed salaries of N3,000 for Obi and N1,000 for Job
Drawings, both goods and cash by partners during the year: Jossy N1,600; Obi N1,800 and Job N900.
Let's see how this comE from great accountant s.
It's my assignment though.
Authorship
As the read.cash terms toughen, some participants seem scared to think of how they'd continue with providing Co tents for posting.
Some group of friends have seen this an opportunity to sharpen their writing and authoring skills. "Show them to Catch fish and not to feed them fish" is what my uncle tells us when we begin seeing opportunities as challenges.
The new terms might post challenges to your folks after the earnable money from here but with the stringent course of the platform. The betterment of thinkers would grow and even be embraced by novices who have always seek attention for their materials.
We saying thank you to the read.cash team for their prowess and ability to make things work. I believe, theres a lesson for everyone to learn. Nothing comes free, we work, we get.
Thank you Read.Cash.
The Truth
Truly our world might seem an unlucky place to some of us. But as long as there's hope living in the human heart. There's always going to be a way forward. I trust we humans have minds that work magic.
We've got minds connected to the universe, connected to immortal worlds, spiritual spheres, the never seen and never heard.
This is the life we live a truth, disbanded to become lies. Alternated from its true use. The moment we say yes, power takes it from us, the guilt of slavery, the abandonment from grave stewardship. Our own very shadow betrays our success but yet, there has always been a purpose.
Fate kicks in, takes the wheel from the filament of their hands. Plunging coincidentally through bumps, swerving artistic measures and bringing back the reign of Truth.
All settled, Yes for Yes, No for No, Kindness living, positivity boarding around and finally. Truth has come to Reign.
Halloween Joke
There can an halloween, we were at grannies when we heard a knock and she left the dining opens her door to find the most lovely little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest bloomy eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. Grandma said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?"
The little girl looks up at the her and says "Twick or Tweat!"
Granny thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her grandpa to come to the door. Then grannie says to the little girl, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time."
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!"
Grandpa agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. Then granma picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her dress, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at grandma and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!"
Novice Yogi
Three monks decided to practice meditation together. They sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He steeped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side.
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my other underwear out to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.
Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.
After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"
Jail Break
A white guy, a Chinese guy, and a Hispanic guy are breaking out of jail. They get all the way to the top of a hill, and at the bottom there is a barbed wired fence. The white guy says, 'O.k. whatever happens when you hit the ground DON'T SCREAM!'
The white guy goes first, he breaks a leg, doesn't scream.
The Chinese guy goes he breaks a arm, doesn't scream.
Then the Hispanic guy goes, and screams his head off! The other two ask him why he screamed so he points at the fence and says, 'Looky, looky, balls on hooky.'
Funny Captive
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take the sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
[Sponsors]
They Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"
And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!
Sponsor
Funny Egg Fight
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and punched him as hard as he could in the nose. The Englishman fell to the ground and was howling in agony and holding his nose for thirty minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to punch you."
The Scotsman said, "Keep the lousy egg."
Funny Egg Fight
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and punched him as hard as he could in the nose. The Englishman fell to the ground and was howling in agony and holding his nose for thirty minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to punch you."
The Scotsman said, "Keep the lousy egg."
Home Call
Teacher says to class: "I shall now read you some quotes. Whoever can tell me who said them, and when, they can go home early".
Teacher: "Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches'?"
Lim Sung Wu: "Winston Churchill, 1942".
Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish".
Lim Sung Wu: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a doctor, and I need to learn all I can".
Teacher: "Who said 'I shall return'?"
Sing Lam Po: "Douglas McArthur, 1944".
Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish".
Sing Lam Po: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a lawyer, and I need to learn all I can".
Johnny, at the back of the room, mutters: "Bloody Asians".
Teacher: "Who said that?"
Johnny: "Pauline Hanson, 1996", and he runs out of the room, "I'm going home now, see you tomorrow, teacher".
Mind your Mind
A young teenage girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
I Said Chicken
An elderly gentleman feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The MD made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.
'Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what! happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for supper?" No response.
So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" Again he gets no response so he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"
Again there is no response, so he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"
"Damn it Earl, for the fourth time, CHICKEN!"
Funny Joke za
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.
Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
Loveliest Couple Joke
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss."
The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys.
You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?"
"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."
Funniest Joke Ever
A white guy, a Chinese guy, and a Hispanic guy are breaking out of jail. They get all the way to the top of a hill, and at the bottom there is a barbed wired fence. The white guy says, 'O.k. whatever happens when you hit the ground DON'T SCREAM!'
The white guy goes first, he breaks a leg, doesn't scream.
The Chinese guy goes he breaks a arm, doesn't scream.
Then the Hispanic guy goes, and screams his head off! The other two ask him why he screamed so he points at the fence and says, 'Looky, looky, balls on hooky.'
@Zizi
