I wrote a short story again, If you don't like my writing, skip my article.

My favorite name is Alice, so expect to ecounter this name in every article I made. I am not an expertwriter like others but I believe that, we have all the freedom, to write anything we wanted to share and what we think to write, whether a short story, informative article, experiences, about crypto. health, and many other topics are welcome to read.cash. You just need to choose where you're good at. They say that, write where you can relate and comforttable with. Me, personally I am more good in writing short stories.

Alice is worried about her life. She had been tired mentally, thinking what will going to happen to her, when she's always at home doing household chores, after that, nothing to do anymore. She felt bored with her everyday routine.

Alice is worried about her career. She is a college graduate but unemployed for one year now. She was a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Development Communication. Her personality doesn't suit her course for she is a shy type person. She couldn't believe that she survived that course, when she was in college. She excelled in quizzes and exams but not in recitation and talking.

Her family judge Alice and couldn't understand her. She's always questioned by her father "Why did you take that course when you're not capable in socializing with other people?" Alice don't know either. Her course is about communication, writing, broadcasting or reporting. And Alice don't want all of those. What will happen to her life now?.

Alice had a work before. She worked as an admin assistant to their municipality at the office of the Mayor. This is great opportunity right? But Alice quit, because of the low salary. She thought that her experience in their municipality have already enough experience to look for another job in the city, but she was wrong for in every companies where she applied she wasn't accepted. Maybe because they don't want a shy type woman.

What and where life will bring her when she don't know how to socialize to other people? She felt guilty with her sister, who finance her foods, toiletries, rent for the house, everything her big sister shoulders everything for her.

One time her sister calculated how much money she needed for one year in order for them to survive and it hits hundred thousand. Alice felt guilty even more because she wanted to help but she has nothing to share.

Alice question God " Why I'm still alive when I couldn't do anything. I wanted to help but how? I'm always guilty everyday, everynight I couldn't , I couldn't sleep, I'm a college graduate but I don't feel I am . I'm always praying to you God but you didn't open opportunities for me God. Why, Look at me God, Do am not worthy to have a job? I wanted to help my family but you didn't even hear my prayers. Do am that bad person to you? Do am not worthy enough ? Do am that stupid?.God, help me anything will do Lord just open opportunities for me...Alice sleep after murmuring all of those.

At her age, she wanted to buy something for herself like beauty products, new clothes, and new sandals. She wanted to use his own money but she doesn't have any. But ofcourse, she's priotizing to seek a job than those things. She's not asking money for her sister for her personal belongings even though she wanted to, but the fact that she's jobless she was ashamed.

Many of her classmates before were already employed not inlined with their course but atleast they have a job. She envy her classmates before who were not smart in the class but have a job. "What wrong with me?How can I improve myself self? ." Alice question herself again.

Alice watched different videos on youtube on how to boost self confidence, how to overcome shyness and how to pass job interview session.

After watching brainpower2177 motivational videos and knowing one self Alice realize that: "You really need to help yourself in order for you to be successful in life. Don't stay in negative thought, change your mindset and talk to your self is very important. I dwell myself in a thought that I am not good enough which is very wrong. I dwell in thoughts that I don't know how to communicate, I am shy, I am stupid. You know what happen my negative thoughts comsume my energy until it become my reality. Now, I know why no one accepted me because I am a negative person not that I am shy but because I don't trust and believe myself." Alice said.

Alice is in the process of knowing and helping herself. She needed to be fully recovered from stress and anxiety before applying a job again. For one year she felt curse, burden and stupid. She wanted to gain confidence, to heal herself before facing challenges in life. Also she wants to forgive herself for being too harsh to herself.

She is fortunate enough for having a sister who didn't complain for having no job and for shouldering all the finances. Alice knows that she needed to have a job for her sister is getting older. She also wanted to experience how does it feel to budget and hold money, to spend her own money for luxuries things. Her big sister is her idol in terms of budgetting of money. Imagine her sister salary is not that big $220 or 11,000 a month is not enough though, but her sister manage to bugdget it without a loan or debt. Sometimes, she still have money to buy Alice a new clothes and sandals. "What an amazing sister right?" Alice said.

Her sister is independent woman. They live in the city away from their parents. Her sister shoulders the rice of their parents, and her other sister shoulder their groceries, and her elder brother shoulder their everyday expences and emergency expences . Alice felt guilty knowing that she is a college graduate but jobless. Alice hoping that one day, she can also help financially in her own family.

"Life is a learning process, you will never learn when you let negativity consume you, you will never learn when your always complaining and not appreciating yourself. There are many reasons to give up and that is your challenge to overcome those reasons. View that reasons as your weapon to become successful in life. I am Allice not sure who I am before, not sure what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't know what I want. I pity my self for not helping my family, for not helping myself to be a better person, I pity myself for dwelling in the darkness for one year. You know what I've learned, it is me who thinks that I am a burden, I am stupid, all I see in myself is darkness no light pure darkness, because I am a jobless woman, thats the reason why I feel burden and my mind keep reminding me everyday that I am burden until it become my habit. Instead of taking risk, that word burden keep popping in my mind until I realize that there is a devil inside my mind that keep controlling me. I let the devil control me for one year. That devil use my vulnerability to control and to kill me. I even question God which is the happiness of the devil but now I see the light and hope in myself. Imagining myself before after doing household chores, I locked and isolate myself in my room. I thought there's no hope for me. Good thing is no one notice me for I don't want them to pity me. I am great in hiding my feelings before. I am thankful that I overcome the devil inside my mind." Alice journal.

I am crying writing this one, because I feel Alice.

June 22, 2021