What will you do when your crush doesn't notice you? A lot of my classmates revealed their crush in the school. They were not shy and they are very open to share it. Thas was my fears revealing my secret in the school cause I don't want to be the center of attraction and I don't want attention. I'm not comfortable in the public.
That's why I'm letting myself to write in my diaries. I have gratitudinal diary, A day with my crush, A day with with family and a day to remember.
My gratitudinal diary is all about the things that I am thankful with be it person, and things. I started writing this diary when one of my teacher in Filipino required us to write a diary entitled " What we are thankful with, everyday and why" The teacher said that we should include why we deserve a blessings from a person and how thankful we are. Also how do we say thank you, are we really that grateful or not. And we need to describe how our reactions are. Those are her instructions to write gratitudinal diary if we didn't follow the directions, she won't accept it and get zero in that project. That's how strict she is.
Another diary that I have is "A day with my family" I don't write everyday in this diary because its not required in the school joke. I only write into this diary when there is family bonding and outing. I want write to everything about family bonding and outing because I want to remember it through out my life but there are times that I got lazy, but when I am at mood I can write.
And lastly, "A day with my crush". That feeling when you had a crush but you don't have the courage to admit it because of the fear of rejection, fear of avoiding you, fear of bullying and many more. Because of the fear I have in my self, I made a diary about my crush. Having a diary about the things that you can't express you would feel frienship in diary, also there is no judgement and there is no limit to say. It feels like your diary is now your bestfriend because diary knows how to keep secret forever. You just need to keep from your family and friends.
To write in this diary there are also rules that I need to follow just like my first diary: Why I have crush on someone?What is my reason? What are his good qualities? why he get my attention? Are that person worthy of my time? If not don't write about it. haha
Those are my three diaries in life. I dont write everyday in my last two diaries because not everyday is family bonding and not everyday there is update to my crush, Only on my first diary because it is required in the school.
Here is my latest diary in "A day with my crush" I made a poem but I don't know if this is a poem hehe.
Seeing you from a far!
How to say hi, hello when you're with your girlfriend!
How to ask your name when its shameful to a girl to do that.
How to approach you when you're surrounded with many girls
How can you notice me when you're busy texting and calling your friends, and gf
How to smile when you're far from me
How can you remember me when you dont know me
Its obvious that I have crush on you
But im afraid to reveal my feelings
Im afraid to start, to show up myself to you
When i know Im already rejected
It thought your staring at me
How happy I am that time
but to my dismay
It was just my illusion
Its fine but its not
You know why because, you always ignored me when you're near from me.
There are times, that I asked myself
How does it feel to be noticed by you
How does it feel talking with you
How does it feel to be loved by you
How does it feel holding your hands
But since, you don't know me
I'm already contended seeing your smile from a far!
I don't hope anything from you just say hi to me is already enough
But I know it will never happen though
I think seeing you from a far is already enough!
-june 28, 2021
