Making up a story: Vera's Regret!

When you don't have anything to share about your life here in readcash try to make up a story. Actually today I am struggling of what topic to write or compose with. Since my day is just a normal day and nothing special about it, I don't know what to share and write. But I have my september goals and I don't want to just give-up this early because this month just started and I don't want to feel failure this early.

So here is a story that my mind think of meaning its not a real story I just let my mind imagine and work for it.

The point of view is coming from a girl named Vera.

Dear Lord, you probably know how bad person I am. I cannot say that I am a real friend to my friends because after what I did to them. I still have the gut and face them like I didn't do anything wrong. I made them believe with my lies just to save myself and always act as the victim when in infact I am always the villain. Why Lord, why is so easy for me to fool my friends, or the people around me. I feel like its my normal being. This is insane Lord, after hearing the mass today its only today that I realized that I am very, very bad person.

I don't know if my friends still believe me and accept me after admitting all my faults to them. I even don't know how to talk to them. What I'm going to do Lord is it okay not to admit my fault but Im going to change myself and correct my mistakes without them knowing? Here in earth I am the only one who knows my mistake so is it okay Lord? Now I feel guilty of what I did before. Why just now? When I did those wrong deeds I felt happy, I feel like I achieve something big in life but now I regret all those things. I disgust myself for being liar, fake friend, and for being blinded to what is wrong and right. I even don't know how to ask forgiveness and I am afraid of all the consequences of my sins.

I even curse you Lord for giving me talents that leads me to death and hell. I feel really sorry Lord for myself, for you and to my friends who love me dearly. But still grateful to you Lord for giving me the chances to regret and correct my mistakes. Thank you for opening my eyes and made me realize that happiness is cannot be felt by deceiving people and myself.

I am asking myself what did I gain after doing all those things? Did I gain self satisfaction, real happiness, acceptance or what? I just had fun for a while but after that im lost again. See? if this was not addressed immediately maybe I will forever be alone in life for no one wants me in their life. Who would want right? Someone who is good in deceiving people deserves to be alone.

Lord thank you for you don't want me to be alone. Thank you for the opportunity to change. Thank you for giving me all the chances to make a way to make up my shortcomings. Thank you for forgiving the unforgivable one like me. I just hope that after admitting all my faults to my friends they will still consider me as one of their friends. But first of all I need to forgive myself for being not good enough and for being bad to other people.