When I was in my senior year I met a girl named shiela, She was my classmate our teacher wanted to set a sitting arrangement via alphabetically arrange, so when it happened me and shiela was became a sitting partner that was the moment I saw her closed up. She has a long curly raven black hair that beautifully flows under her shoulder that I really like the most, she has that cute little round eye and the most eye catching features that I hope I had is her pointed nose, I really don't understand myself why I am like that, all about her I found it perfect at that moment I thought I'm jealous of her because she was very pretty like yes she was pretty but soon I found out that it's not jealousy..
Since we are sitting partner we easily became friends, we talked about random things a lot we have a common wants and likes she always talked about our boy classmate she had a crushed on him she think he is awesome and cool & I was like (meh) face and I answered her by nodding my head I clearly remember what's my reaction that time even it was 8 years ago.
Shiela want us to be bestfriend and I gladly accepted it though deep down inside it felt weird and not right to be her bestfriend. You know that feeling when you want to eat more and there's no food left, that's exactly what I felt that time when she asked me to be her bestfriend. I wanted more, more than just a friend. But I still don't know how I felt towards shiela all I know is I want to see her everyday because it makes me happy and I know my day was completed when I saw her.
Each passing days, the more we get to know each other the more deeply I am into her, but i kept it and pretend to be her bestfriend, countless times she mentioned other boys name because for God sake she's straight like a pole I pretended again to be interested on what she's saying because I don't want her to noticed my mood changed.
One time I asked my other friend if it is okay to have feelings towards your best friend, they laugh at me saying these words "what on earth are you saying? You have feeling with whom?" instead of answering they made fun of it then I dropped the topic I don't want them to know the real me. They know I'm straight, yeah seriously I am straight I have lots of boys crushes, I even had a boyfriend that is why that time I'm very confused.
Luckily one of my classmate is Gay/Lesbian I gathered all my strenght to go and asked her to confirmed my feelings, I opened up to her I told her where and when all it started she smile to me I remember her saying those lines in our language "hindi mo sya basta crush lang, mahal mo na sya" in english she said you're not having a crush, you are inlove with her. I was stunned and didn't say any word to her I just nod my head and leave.
That moment I realized that she was right all my feelings, the jealousy, admiration, longing it is not because I'm her bestfriend. Myself finally realized that I'm inlove with a girl, to a girl who is my bestfriend. After I realized it we always got to see each other in our school or after classes, outside of school we go to the mall and she always asking me to come to her house she said she cooked pancit canton or so she always want to chat, chatting is her favorite instead of reviewing our lessons but still I find her hot.
The longing, each passing days the more I hold myself the more my feelings grow but I can't find the courage to tell her how I feel. I was postive that I am not straight that I liked girl she was the only girl though I don't get attracted to other girls shiela is the only exception.
Until our last day of classes came we bid goodbyes to our classmates and teachers, but we are still inseparable we're like twins actually our classmates used to bullied us twinnies or super twins. Shiela invited me to her house because she said her father made a small feast to celebrate so I followed her when we arrived to her home there's a feast I remember there's a pancit malabon, puto, lechon ulo ng baboy (lechon pork pig head) and so many more. We ate our foods then she said let's go to my room I have a little present for you. That little present is a bracelet how corny yes? A friendship bracelet I wanted to cry or laugh that time but I kept it inside and pretend that I'm very happy, Yes I was always pretending my emotions when I'm with her because if not I am not sure if I can hold myself anymore that time. I wanted to tell her how much she means to me, I wanted to hold and hug her in my arms and yes I badly wanted to kiss her.
Days, weeks, months and years we keep our communications active but you know when the time will passed we forgot those memories as we met new people in our life. That's exactly what happened to me and shiela we met different circle of friends we had separated our ways, and I never got a chance to tell her what I feel. I'm a coward because I'm afraid if I told her that time she disgust on me, and I can't afford to face it.
As we became more strangers to each others time passed quickly, I don't hear from her anymore. Until 3 yrs after we had our class reunion that was held at our home in manila, she and our other classmates attended that reunion party. We are catching each others we are sharing our stories the night's full of happiness, one thing is for sure I still into her. We drunk a lot of alcohol that night some of our classmates got drunk and some are leaving to their home I offered shiela to sleep in our home because the time is already late plus she's a bit tipsy. And the interesting story begun.
We are preparing to go to sleep when she asked me why did you stop contacting me?out of nowhere, she sound sad that night. I answered her because I thought you're happy with your new friends you seems very happy without me. She then touched my face I dunno if its because she's drunk or what but she touched my face and said I missed you so much then kissed me on the lips.
That was the best night I can recall, my dream girl kissed me on my lips without me telling my real feelings for her, after the kissed she fall asleep. Up until now I don't know if she remembered what she did that night, I don't have any idea I can't find my courage again to asked her if she remembered it or not. We became more close to each other again, we keep our contacts active even we are parted ways when we see each other often now its like we didn't parted ways though. Time passed quicky as I said, my feeling for her is now totally faded, but I still loved her not in a different way like I used to. We are best of friend, she was my first girl loved, my first girl crushed.
Thank you for reading!.
