There's no such thing as perfect marriage.

I usually flex my husband in noise.cash and even here in read.cash when I am writing an article and I received a sweet and good comment but what we see in social media are not the one who really happening in reality sometimes. Our marriage is not perfect and I believe that there's no such thing as perfect relationship. I am writing this because of a heavy feeling that I am feeling right now. We got married for more than 2 years and I must say that in those years our marriage is like the marriage of other couples who experienced ups and down but at the end of the they we choose to stay by each other side.

So last Sunday my husband woke up early and because I am so exhausted with the birthday celebration of my niece and write an article after I go to sleep , my I woke up late. I woke up at 8 AM and when I woke up my husband is getting ready for his job. I go to the kitchen and since we have a left over viand from yesterday's celebration , I didn't cooked for my husband's lunch like I did almost everyday. My father noticed my husband is preparing himself and my father told me that I should be the one who prepare for my husband's needs because that's my responsibility as a wife. I try to explain my side but my father said that no need to explain. My husband was smiling but his smiled is like annoying to me because it seems he was smiling because my father said those words to me. I know it's my responsibility to serve my husband and God knows that I doy best to be a good wife but since he was on the middle shift I let myself to woke up late but still I managed to cooked for him and prepare him packed lunch.

Earlier this morning , I woke up 7 AM and after I woke up I go to the kitchen and heat the water and prepare for some coffee for myself. While sipping my coffee I prepare the bitter gourd because that the viand that I will going to cook. My husband go to the kitchen and asked me " Wheres my coffee?". I thought he already drink his coffee that why I only prepare one for me. I gave him my coffee and prepare other one for myself.

After I cooked the bitter gourd and the rice , the nature is calling me and I need to go to the comfort room. I said to my husband if he can prepare his food because last night he didn't eat all of the viand I prepared to him because he said that it's plenty so he said he that one who will get the food for his lunch.

When he was about to leave he opened the topic between the conversation of me and my father last Sunday. He said that if I marry an other guy , I can't do those things and the guy will obligated me to do chores and serve because that the duties of wife. I feel so annoyed hearing it and said to him that I am not just a plain housewife and I don't want to be one. I am not against on the housewife who depends on the salary of thier husband but I am not seeing myself like that. Even if I am in the house and taking good care.of my son , I still want to learn new things and also to earn some money.

I hide my feelings until he leaves and then cry silently while typing a message to him. My sister saw me crying but I don't care. My post Partum Deppresion triggers and crying is my outlet to release all the heavy feeling inside.

This is my message to him in the messager and this is what I felt since the day the my mother leave us.

" When you leave the one , I will be the one who left here. Everyday is sad , everyday I try to do the responsibility of my mother because she leave. I am trying to be a good mother and do the things that I like , to earn a little money while taking good care of my son and niece. I am trying to be a good wife , I cooked for you , I serve you food. I think of the kids , I think of my father and I think of my little brother. Sometimes I feel so drained to the point that I want to escape with this kind of situation. Sometimes my post Partum Deppresion attack but I choose to hide it and pretend that I'm okay. I'm sorry for my shortcomings , I'm sorry if I am like that, I'm sorry because I am not like someone else."

And I started to throw hurtful words to him because I'm about to explode.

"Married couple should fulfill the shortcomings of thier partners. When you are jobless , you didn't hear any words coming from me..even now that your salary is not enough for us , you didn't hear something to me because I don't want you to feel that you're not enough. Instead of saying that to you or blaming you I found a way to help you and fulfilling your short comings. What I always say to you? It's okay love. I will be the one who budget our expenses instead of saying that it's not enough. How can I managed to budget this. You didn't hear any words like this because I know the feeling that someone tells you that you're not enough. I'm sorry , I exploded.

He just seen my chat and when he put from his work he asked me why I sent him those kind of message and explain to me that he didn't intend to make me feel that way. He said sorry and I cried. I know it's my responsibility as a wife to serve him because that's a part of my vows during our wedding day, it's just that sometimes I don't know how to release all of my stress to the point that I do overthinking.

Anyways , just sharing this to you guys because I know some of the mommies here are relatable in some points. I remember the video that I've watched in Facebook. The priest said to the two couple during thier wedding day. You should fulfill the shortcomings of one another so that you will be complete, not seeing the shortcomings of your partner and blaming them for that. You are now one in the eyes of God and you should do the team work.

There's no such thing as perfect marriage but we have a perfect God who can give his grace to all our imperfections ♥️